Diverging

Last year I read the first book of The Divergent Series in which Beatrice Prior who after living her whole life in one of the five factions (Abnegation, Dauntless, Candor, Amity and Erudite) that make up this post-apocalyptic world in the vein of a thousand other YA novels these days, finds she is Divergent, meaning she can belong to many factions. This is looked down upon because keeping the factions going is all this world knows. It is a great parable for growing up in which you find that you may not be the same as your parents or that you are not solely what people want you to be. No one wants to be an outcast (The Factionless in the novels) but  you never want to just follow in your parents... To quote Varsity Blues and The Beek "I don't want your life..." and then he proceeds to turn down Ali Larter in that whip cream bikini...just like his daddy would've. Weak sauce Van Der Beek. So I saw the movie and then I read the book. I know what people are saying. How can you do that? Well I didn't know I'd like the movie. I just assumed it might make a fun film and I secretly harbor a crush on Shailene Woodley. She is just one of those girls. A Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johannson type girl who you think you want to know. I hear she's very cool and maybe she wants a chunky guy in his later 30's who thinks she is the bees knees. Who knows? I enjoyed the story so much that I went home and bought all three books for the sole reason of adding more understanding to the characters I now already liked. Now a year later, Insurgent, the movie for the second book in the series came out and I thought it might be fun to jump back into this series. So on new movie Thursday...

The Divergent Series: Insurgent

Insurgent is one of those sequels that serves the purpose of moving the story along but really doesn't break new ground. It opens a few days after the first movie and Beatrice "Tris" Prior and her love "Four" as they escape from the happenings in the first movie.  Soon they are on the run from Erudite and blah blah stuff and soon Tris is sacrificing herself to save us all. I liked the movie, I did but I was reminded of why I stopped reading the second book. It just goes where it is supposed to go. There is no point to the movie other than to take down the evil Erudite leader Janine in the most passive way possible and show that Tris and Four are the most bad ass of the bad ass. I get they are the heroes but countless times they are outmatched and outgunned and a simple damn shot to the face would stop them but no...they let them live because...reasons.

Shailene Woodley is still very capable but she seems almost bored here. The movie doesn't move because the characters do it, the characters do something because the movie needs something to happen. Oh they are in Amity and not in danger...oh Tris, punch someone in the face to upset the Amity (you see what I did there?) Tris is broken up because she killed someone she cared about...let's give her a truth serum so she is forced to tell us who she killed so we can have some made up bullshit drama. The movie goes on like this over and over again. 

I realize that this is the middle chapter in the series but unlike Empire or Godfather Part 2...this movie stagnates as it comes up with a plot device to make people do stuff. I just wanted them to go somewhere and have to react. Not to mention that the action is just as boring. Every fight ends in 3 seconds and the hero simply wins because they are the hero. In Divergent, Tris was vulnerable... in Insurgent, she is unstoppable. She and Four dispatch their enemies with relative ease so any threat they posed in the first movie is overwhelmingly nullified by this movie. 

I want to like this movie and it is not without it's moments. The simulation scenes are awesome and there are some cool moments where you want to believe the story they are telling you. I wanted to see more moments of Tris and Four being in love and enjoying each other. I wanted there to be a reason to root for them as there was in the first movie. I liked that Peter was redeemable except that it is all done a little conveniently for me. Tris is a character that is owed more to do than fret over her loved one's and be forced to act all the time. She deserves better. Especially when it seems no one really seems to care about her but Four. Her own brother... I mean seriously what the hell is wrong with her brother? I'm not one to not recommend a movie and I will still recommend this one because it moves the story closer to where I wanted it to be for this one. Out of the society and the factions and into what is their world. 

Hopefully the third book and the impending movie will answer my questions and bring us closer to resolutions to the questions I have. I'm going to read the second book now but unlike the first book, where I was enraptured by the world, I am going into this book seeking answers as to where this movie went wrong.  I intended to be more positive when I started this review but as I thought about it, I realized that the movie wasn't great. Shailene was great, Kate Winslet was great but where this movie goes wrong is when they make decisions for the character based solely on someone saying "Whelp, we haven't had this guy do anything for awhile...let's insert him or her or creepy brooding factionless guy." It just never raises the stakes. It stagnates and seems like a filler for the next book/movie where the action will get a going. 

Overall....

Mr. Unhappy Sez: I wanted this to be good but in the end it was bland. I wanted to see more of Shailene Woodley and all I got was dry humped by her naked back... oh well. It was still interesting. That's more than I can say for a lot of movies out there. I'll wait and see what happens in Part 3... and I'm glad I saw it.

 

Like a window to your soul...

So I've been doing alright with this new format and enjoying myself a little but it grows harder (he says without irony) to keep up with movies in theaters. Let's face facts. Movies are expensive and if you have a family (I don't but you may because you aren't 50 shades of fucked like I am...to paraphrase 50 Shades...) it is even harder to find a movie that doesn't involve a smurf or squarepants or minions of some sort. I will say that Frozen was fun but parents know that once your kid has screamed out "Let it Go" for the 90th time, we need a little me time and hopefully some boobies or some adult language or both! That's where your boy Mr. Unhappy comes in. I watch a whole lot of shitty movies. The type when you look at your list and say "This looks good but do I want to waste 2 hours of my life watching it." I've done the work for you. So what follows is my what to watch when the watching is good and some to avoid. 

Open Windows

Open Windows is a movie shot solely as though you are watching it on the screen of Elijah Woods character's computer. Modern Family just did an episode with a similar premise. This is not the loving Pritchett/Dunphy clan. This is a voyeuristic ride through the world of celebrity stalking. Elijah Wood plays Nick Chambers, an avid fan of Jill Goddard (Sasha Grey who I love) the "It" girl in Hollywood. He has won a contest to have a date with Jill but as the date arrives, Jill cancels or so Chord, the owner of the website sponsoring the contest. So as a consolation prize, he hacks Jill's phone and computer to give Nick an open window into the life of the celebrity he loves. This is a movie about our culture today where every moment in a celebrity's life is fair game. The Fappening would fit in well with this movie. How far would you go? Isn't it harmless to listen to her private calls or look through her hotel room window? Who is being hurt there? Obviously it isn't but this movie lets you decide how to feel. There is a creepiness and overwhelming desire to root for Nick, even though he is complicit in everything that goes on. There is a desire to see that bitch actress who thinks she's too good for her fans get her just desserts. Sasha Grey is the winner here. Making the move from hardcore porn to legitimate movies is hard (again without a slice of irony) and she is doing it flawlessly. I love her character Jill who makes liking her as a person not easy but still appeals to the audience enough that you don't want her to die or be harmed. It is a fine line to balance and Grey does it easily. She's quickly becoming an actress to watch in Hollywood. I hope she finds more roles. The promise seen in The Girlfriend Experience is paid off here.

Mr. Unhappy sez: This is a rare movie that gets the elements right. It scares, it has a message and it keeps the viewer watching. 

Killer Legends

I feel I may have been one of the only ones to watch Cropsey, a documentary on an urban legend that takes you on an adventure and keeps suspense throughout. Sadly Killer Legends, the follow up is not nearly as intriguing. I liked the legends and the look at different urban legends from across the country but the overall creepiness is lacking for a movie about what led to people believing in the hook man or the poisoned Halloween candy or Texarkana's The Town that Dreaded Sundown (the new movie is on Netflix...check it out for a fun horror movie.) I wanted more from this movie and it just didn't deliver enough on the scares. It was intriguing to see where the legends came from but I would recommend Cropsey if you wanna feel the fear of the legend and not just the legend behind them.

Mr. Unhappy sez: As a documentary it was sufficient. As a follow up to Cropsey, I felt let down. Still an interesting trip if you ever wondered about urban legends.

Life After Beth

So you like zombies. Well then this movie is right up your alley. Aubrey Plaza stars as Beth, a girl who dies but is brought back to life through a never quite explained cause and plays havoc with the lives of her boyfriend and her family. This is a comedy and I Dane DeHaan is great as Beth's slightly creepy boyfriend, Zach. Having lost Beth, Zach is losing his touch with reality. He spends his time laying in his room snuggling a scarf owned by Beth. When her parents stop taking his calls or letting him come over, he takes matters into his own hands and stumbles upon his now zombiefied girlfriend Beth. She seems normal enough but like any good zombie movie fan will tell you, the thing inside your girlfriend is not Beth. Soon she is having mood swings, bringing dirt to the attic and only being soothed by horrible muzak. Life After Beth is an interesting ride and one worth taking. It is crazy and scary but overall it is a winner if you like funny crazy movies and I do. Aubrey Plaza is one of my favorite actresses and hopefully due for more acting roles. She's so pretty I might take advantage of her zombie body...and now I am really rediscovering my need for therapy.

Mr. Unhappy sez: Life after Beth seems like a fun ride to go on...but I'm not sure I could deal with having a zombie apocalypse so I could have my lady back...I take that back. I probably would. I'm that romantic.

Hesher

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is one of my favorite actors. I wanted to like his writing and directing debut Don Jon a year or so ago but I just couldn't. There was zero point to it. Hesher is a movie from a few years ago which stars JGL as Hesher, a loud abrasive homeless slacker who moves in with a grieving widower, his mother and his equally grieving and angry son. Life is not easy for this family and having someone like Hesher in their lives doesn't make it easier but he does have a healing factor to this family. This is a movie about loss and how you recover when your world is shit and you just can't move forward. Natalie Portman drops in throughout and the chemistry between her and JGL is palpable. I'd love to see these two star in a romantic comedy or just eat cereal. Hesher is a fun movie and has a heart that makes you appreciative of the anti-hero Hesher. I feel this was the tone JGL went for with Don Jon but Hesher is a better movie. It has a point and you enjoy it.... something I felt was lacking in Don Jon.

Mr. Unhappy sez: Hesher is loud, angry, dangerous and a jackass. This movie is a highlight of the best of JGL. The juice is worth the squeeze...to paraphrase The Girl Next Door...

Hesher and Killer Legends are streaming on Hulu. 

Open Windows is streaming on Netflix.

Life After Beth is available on Amazon Prime.

 

Nostalgia is like a woman's boobs...more than a handful and you risk a wrist sprain

I've been a lover of movies my whole life. Mostly thanks to my brother who made me watch movies too old and too adventurous for my taste. I was happy watching Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo. My brother on the other hand was watching Star Wars or The Breakfast Club. I still remember the scene where you see up Molly Ringwald's Skirt (or her stunt crotch's skirt) was my first introduction to human sexuality. Phoebe Cates and Fast Times At Ridgemont High was my master's course. Yet there were a lot of movies from my childhood that would inform my life. So on these weeks where I am giving you some cinematic homework, I ask that you remember the child in me and not take that in a creepy way just that I look back on some imperfect movies with fondness not because they are good movies but because they made me the lover of movies I am today. That sounded more dirty than I intended.

So for this week's throw back Thursday nostalgia moment....

Weird Science

If you grew up in the 80's or later, you should have seen all the John Hughes canon. They are required viewing for any teen looking for answers. For me I was a curious 12 year old who liked hanging out with my brother. Weird Science is perhaps the most undervalued of John Hughes catalog but in many ways the fantastical moments and scenes make it my favorite of the bunch. It is the story of 2 losers who wish very hard and with the help of their computer, build the perfect woman in the form of the unbelievable Kelly LeBrock. Garry and Wyatt (the aforementioned losers) are everymen in high school who aren't the popular kids. The watch the girls in their class with awe and realize that their place is there, watching and never hoping they can form meaningful and sexually fulfilling relationships. It is a place I felt often. So when they create Kelly LeBrock's Lisa, they have the girl of their dreams and the girl everyone wants. She is utterly and totally devoted to them. Lisa makes them see the good they have in themselves, stand up for themselves and ultimately get the girls they really want and get respect from their peers. If you've never seen Weird Science...the movie will be worth the watch. Like most John Hughes films. It totally holds up. I hear they will be remaking Weird Science....I hope they don't. It is perfect as is. 

Mr. Unhappy Sez: See this movie....if not for the nostalgia... because you don't see guys wearing bras on their heads everyday. Where did they get the bras by the way? Is that Wyatt's mom's bra on their head? This movie just keeps giving. 


Memorable Quotes:

Lisa: You okay? 
Garry: Well, my nuts are halfway up my ass, but other than that, I'm perfect!

*** 

Lisa: Have you ever wondered how sad it is, that your son's only sexual outlet is tossing off to magazines in the bathroom?

Garry: Mom, I never toss off to anything!
Lucy Wallace: [crying] You told me you were combing your hair!
Garry: But I was! I was!

 ***

Chet: [opens a pantry door, his grandparents are in there, frozen] Hi Nanny, hi Grampy.
Chet: [closes door and turns to everyone else] I'm not a moron, you know. I...
Chet: [suddenly realizes] Was that my grandparents?
Chet: [Lisa nods, Chet opens the door again] Are they dead?
Lisa: Oh, no, they're just resting.
Chet: What are they doing in here?
Lisa: I put them in there. I didn't want to Garry and Wyatt to get into trouble. Quite frankly, they weren't having a very good time at the party.
Chet: Not having a good time? Do you think they're having a good time being catatonic in a closet?

***

Chet: Like your panties!
Wyatt: It's a joke, Chet!
Chet: That's not a joke, that's a severe behavioral disorder. I mean, the next thing you know, you'll be wearing a bra on your head!

***

[Garry is chanting incoherently. Wyatt seemed very confused by his best friend's odd behaviour. They are both wearing bras on their heads]
Wyatt: Gary?... By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?
Garry: [hesitates] Ceremonial.

Food and feels...

Chef

I have to admit, I am a fan of John Favreau. Swingers spoke to me when I was younger and more romantic (you’re like a fucking bear with these claws). He directed Elf which changed the holidays in a sweet way during the most cynical times.  Iron Man alone started the world of Superhero movies as we know it and now Favreau has gone back to his roots and brings us Chef. Chef is the story of Carl Casper a formerly  acclaimed young chef who now is stuck in a restaurant that gives him little joy but pays the bills. His son is an accessory that he ignores mostly. He is a man on the decline of his life. His promise is fleeting, his family is stuck and his passion for food is stagnant. When a food critic trolls him into a vicious viral-video public confrontation his career is ruined.  Carl's ex-wife (Sofia Vergara) offers an unorthodox solution in Miami: refit an old food truck to offer quality cooking on his own terms. With his young son, Percy, and old colleague, Martin, helping, Carl begins a working trip across America with that truck to rediscover his passion and find the desire to remake his life again.

This is the type of movie where most everyone in it is an “Oh that guy/girl!” Scarlett Johansson is a hostess who sleeps with Carl. Robert Downey Jr shows up as Carl’s ex wife’s ex husband. Dustin Hoffman is the owner of the posh restaurant Carl works at who wants to keep Carl’s passion in check. John Leguizamo is Carl’s partner in crime who drops everything to help Carl with the food truck. The cameos are exhausting but the movie is so warm and inviting that they aren’t intrusive to the story. Each actor brings their own flavor (see what I did there) to the movie and they combine to give us a complete journey from Carl. A recipe to follow that leads to a dish you want to explore and engulf. Chef is a movie that makes you feel and motivates you to follow your passions even when they take you down different paths. I think John Favreau has hit it out of the ballpark again and maybe brought romance, idealism and family back to movies. It’s a great movie and free to watch on Netflix streaming.

In short...

Mr. Unhappy sez: Watch the fucking movie...

The ABC's of prison

Let me get on my soapbox a little, if you will. I was looking around online today and in between the porn and checking my Facebook, I ran across an article about a substitute teacher who showed her students the horror movie The ABC’s Of Death during her Spanish class and was just convicted of 4 felonies earning her 90 days in jail and 3 years probation. It gave me pause. The charge she is convicted of is “disseminating harmful materials to minors.”  Yes, the movie is graphic and has nudity and language and violence but how do you prove harm? What is harm? I got a killer hangnail once watching a approved movie in high school. I sure as hell have nightmares over the movies we were shown during Drivers Ed. So it’s the sex, isn’t it? That’s what is getting everyone’s panties in a bunch. To that claim I’d ask, is it porn? Is it something so far beyond the pale that it destroys families and creates school shooters. Let’s say she had shown Nasty MILFs In Leather. Is it obscene? Yes, and anyone who has seen that movie knows there are some scenes you can’t unsee so it might be a somewhat valid claim. She didn’t do that though. She showed her class a horror movie that she didn’t even watch. That seems harmless in and of itself. Can you convince me that kids aren’t seeing this stuff online? Are you saying that she is a criminal for showing a movie that is readily available online to minors who can watch it whenever they want? Sure, fire her ass for being a moron. Fire her for showing a movie and don’t let her near a school. Her time as a teacher should be over. Send her to prison? For a movie? I get that parents don’t want their children to watch movies like that but sending a woman to jail? Cause she’s stupid? How about the school district that hired this lady to teach a class that she can’t teach? I think it’s time to stop being so damn sensitive to our children. If this is the straw that turns your kid into a school shooter, I’ll wager something was gonna pull that ripcord soon enough. If your child is so damaged that he/she can’t sleep, then maybe you need to toughen your children up a little bit. Either way putting this woman in jail is not gonna help the kids unsee the movie and honestly, being a moron is not a crime. It should be...but it isn’t... yet. The teacher plans to appeal. Meanwhile The ABC’s of Death is on Netflix Instant Watch. Sit down with your kids and enjoy.