For your consideration...

I've been busy trying to find legitimate work for a month or two so I haven't updated my blog recently. Not an excuse just a necessity as Pete has to eat. I have seen a few movies...three of them are still in theaters So I thought, just because...I'd give you a quick hit on three Summer movies that you've probably already seen and one made for cable movie your should.

Guardians of The Galaxy

So there is this company called Marvel Comics and they decided to make some movies based on their silly comic strips. Needless to say, if you haven't been coming in your pants to see this movie, I'd ask what kind of life you have. There is little that needs to be said about this movie. Chris Pratt stars as Peter Quill (AKA Star Lord), an earthling who as a child was taken into the other side of the galaxy and raised to be a criminal.  Soon Rocket (a genetically enhanced raccoon) and Groot a living tree are tracking Quill to claim a bounty on his head. So is Gamora, a green skinned assassin who is sent to get an orb that Peter stole. They end up...through malady and circumstance on the wrong side of everything and need to save the galaxy. Marvel really has upped the game in super hero movies and this movie ups it more. Think of The Avengers with humor and a killer soundtrack. I was impressed with the humor in this movie and the number of times I wanted to cheer (a cardinal sin in the Unhappy guide to watching movies in theaters). As with any Marvel movie, there is a bit of convenience to the story and overall they've set it up for a sequel nicely. I cannot think of anything that bothered me about the movie. 

Mr. Unhappy sez: I am groot. Which means...when Marvel makes a movie you hand them your money and say "Yes sir, may I have another!" 

Rise of the Planet of The Apes

So where did we leave off with our ape pals at the end of Rise of the Planet of the Apes? A vicious disease had wiped out 90 percent of the human population, a group of good gathered in colorado...wait that's not right.  Caesar and his band of intelligent apes fought for the right to live and eventually took to Muir Woods and the human race had died to a virus. Years have passed and humans haven't been seen in Apeville for a long time. Soon the humans come to use the hydroelectric power in a dam located somewhere in Muir Woods? Not sure that exists but I'm in. Caesar and the apes have lived in peace and become quite the little apemunity but with men now encroaching on their land, the apes must decide whether to go to war with the humans or not. I was entranced with how heady this Planet of the Apes was. There was a lot of subtle and not so subtle undertones about humans and how we treat each other. I found myself enjoying not only the action and apes swinging through San Francisco but of the Apemanity of the Apes. Deep social commentary in this film leads you to believe there is a great tale being told here and I cannot wait for the next one. I'm glad this movie takes it subjects seriously and that though pure entertainment, some radical ideas come across too. 

Mr. Unhappy sez: If this movie can't get Andy Serkis an honorary Oscar, I don't know what will. He has a true skill to emot through CGI...a challenge not many can do. Evidence? Watch Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes...yeesh.

Transformers: Age of Extinction

So here was the surprise of my summer so far. I went into this movie thinking it was going to be the same damn robots fighting robots destroying cities that the first three were. The same tired jokes about transformer balls or perhaps some tight slow motion action shot of a model in a tight shirt. OK I will admit that the last one happens. It's a Michael "Slow motion" Bay movie. I'm sure without seeing it, I will have 5 unglorified slow motion seconds of staring down Megan Fox's cleavage in TMNT: the creepy version.. There is only so much Michael Bay can do without doing his classic/annoying explosions instead of story moments. This movie takes place years after the last film, Shia's Sam Witwicky has been accidentally inhaled by Optimus Prime's anus and died a slow painful death. They don't say this but I assume. Transformers are hunted across the world to pay for the crimes perpetrated on Chicago in the last film. Marky Mark finds "a transforma!" as he puts it and the story (2.5 hours of it) is off and running. This movie surprisingly had a story and somewhat manageable ability to not bore the hell out of you. Of the four movies, this is the most watchable.

Mr. Unhappy sez: If you have to see a Michael Bay movie this summer or your head will explode...this is the most watchable. I'm mildly concerned my brain has been tampered with to make this good rating but I like explowy things.


AND ON THE BASIC CABLE SYFY ON DEMAND...

Sharknado 2: The Second One

I've been watching a lot of what cable has to offer me. Movies are expensive and being a jobless worthless sack of shit makes me try to save a buck here and there.... so I watched Sharknado on Netflix and damned if it wasn't compelling funny stuff. So going into Sharknado 2, I knew what to expect. Boy was I wrong. They amped up the shark action in this movie. Not only can a shark head butt off the back end of a New York subway but a out of shape ball player can hit a shark with a baseball bat over the wall at CitiField, the home of the Mets... Sure this movie offers no story, horrible dialogue and no redeeming acting to speak of... Tara Reid, that meant you but it has a lighthearted humor that most movies don't have. Most bad Syfy movies tend to have all of this unintentionally. Sharknado embraces it. There is not a serious moment in this movie. I don't care if half of New York is eaten by sharks that should be long dead...as long as Ian Ziering saws through one with a giant chainsaw...sign me up. I can't wait for next summers Sharknado 3 : Sharkfirenado.

Mr. Unhappy sez: If you need something to take your mid off of how shitty life is and how annoying things get... Shaknado and Sharknado 2 has your back...but never turn your back on a sharknado...that's the kind of wolly headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten...

There. Four movies to see before the summer ends. August is a time for school shopping, kids annoying the hell out of you and people to always let you down. At least with these movies, People/Apes will lift you back up. 

TRY NOT TO KILL A HOMELESS MAN... 

he might end up being your long lost father...duh duh duuuuuuuuuuh!