I’ve been silent for a few weeks now and I find myself terribly behind on the reviews I so want to do for you… my single and consistently disappointed reader or as I call you, Tom Cruise and your weird nipples. I know, I am obsessed with nipples. Most guys are. I’m actually watching the rifftrax of Top Gun right now and I’ll be damned if in that volleyball scene he doesn’t have the weird nipple thing too. Perhaps it is a Scientology thing. One thing I am absolutely sure of is that I’ve seen too many movies in a row to ever catch up. Not to mention that I really do want to let you know about most of the movies I saw. Some, like John Carter, I am less inclined to tell you about but I will. For the record, I didn’t find John Carter to be disappointing, just more of the same but we will get to that. So I have come to the conclusion that I just need to wrap it all into one Quick Hit on all the movies currently in theaters. That way I can go see the Hunger Games and review it without feeling guilty to you or Elizabeth Olsen (‘s boobs.)
John Carter
I like Taylor Kitsch. I mean, his characterization of a troubled teenage alcoholic fullback, Tim Riggins on TV’s Friday Night Lights is personally some of the best work on television in years. That and he is so dreamy. A lot has been said about John Carter and its massive failure at the box office and while I cannot see exactly how they spent 300 million dollars on it, it was an entertaining movie. I think what throws people off is that Taylor’s acting style of not caring/ lazy drawl makes people believe that there is no point in caring. The story of John Carter of Mars is engaging. A broken man goes to Mars, finds that he has super human abilities there and tries to save the planet, rebuilding his life and finding a new purpose. It’s a heroic journey. I liked the movie though I found it to be a little long. Nothing like sitting in a darkened movie theater watching a half naked man leap from place to place. Only one thing makes it better….boobs and not Taylor Kitsch’s massive man pecs either.
Mr. Unhappy sez: John Carter is an interesting movie with a horrible name. If they had gone with John Carter of Mars as they originally planned, perhaps Disney wouldn’t lose $250 million dollars on it. For what it is, I liked the movie. For what it isn’t, I did not.
21 Jump Street
Now here is a movie that I did not see coming. I had seen the TV show and the best part about that was the addictive theme song. Even now, sitting in an office, I can scarcely afford to hum a few bars without knowing that I will be stuck with that song in my head the rest of the day. A year or so ago, I learned that a Jump Street movie was in the works. I shook my head but thought, if done right, it could be better than the show. When I finally saw the trailer a few months ago, I knew that it was going to be bad. Then I saw Roger Ebert’s review of the movie and to my utter shock, he liked it. For those of you, who do not know the story, Jump street is about a group of young looking cops who go undercover at schools to weed out the drug dealers and underage criminals. One thing I actually liked about this story was it was a tale of two different high school experiences. For Jonah Hill’s character Schmidt, his high school experience was the lowest point of his life. For Channing Tatum’s Jenko, high school was probably the high point of his life. Now, what made Jenko popular in his high school, makes him hated at his new high school. In contrast, Schmidt finds that his brains, humor and personality make him cool. The movie works almost as a body switch comedy and both characters see the other’s life. There is no high brow humor at work in 21 Jump Street but there is a lot of very funny scenes. I found myself oddly pleased with 21 Jump Street. Dave Franco (James Franco’s brother), the innocent good girl mixed up with the bad crowd (Brie Larson), Schmidt’s parents, and a great cameo from Johnny Depp as his original Jump Street character. Sometimes, you can look at a movie and see a pile of garbage and then when you sift through some of the awful marketing, you find that there is something hidden underneath.
Mr. Unhappy sez: We never thought that we'd find a place where we belong. Don't have to stand alone, we'll never let you fall. Don't need permission to decide what you believe. I said jump, down on Jump Street. I said jump! Down on jump street... damn it now that's gonna be stuck in my head.
Friends…With Kids
Now here is a movie that spoke to me in ways I can’t really begin to explain. The story is about a group of friends and the last two single friends who are not married with kids, Jason and Julie. They are played by Adam Scott and writer/director Jennifer Westfeldt. There is something to be said for being in your 30’s, having no prospects of having a significant other, let alone having a child. So what do they decide to do? They decide to have a child together while keeping their relationship platonic, so they can avoid the toll kids can take on romantic relationships. And it works. Jason is happy as a dad, Julie is a great mom and their friends (all married and miserable) are pissed because it shouldn’t have worked. Of course, they are just kidding themselves and the end of this movie is not hard to guess. I think what makes this movie worth seeing and indeed a great movie is that the route it takes to getting to the love between these friends. Who could be better to fall in love with than your best friend? Of course it will work because these two know each other so well. Yet it hurts so much more when your friend breaks your heart. I’ve been there and even a year later, I am still shook to my core that I could lose someone so important to me and I look at every other woman and cannot fathom putting myself out there for someone to hurt again. The great thing about Jason’s lifestyle is that he has one night stands and never opens himself to be hurt. The bad thing about Jason is that he has one night stands and never opens himself to be loved either. I’d like to say that this movie made me believe in love again but it doesn’t. It just tells me that in the movies, love cannot be beaten down no matter how hard you fight it. In life, it is all too easy.
Mr. Unhappy sez: This movie hit too close to home for me. Yet I still liked it. That has to say something doesn’t it.
Silent House
Now after that last depression filled review, I come to the very boobs that made this whole blog entry possible. It is also a hell of a great horror movie. The movie is about Sarah, a girl whose past has left her a bit of a shy person, who we meet as she walks from the beautiful seashore to a boarded up house, in need of a lot of repairs. The movie is shot in one sequence, never cutting and seemingly perma stuck to the massive cleavage of its star. She is in the house with her father and her Uncle Peter who want to pack up the family’s stuff and fix up the house to sell it. After Uncle Peter leaves to go to town for supplies, Sarah hears some noises upstairs and her father goes to investigate. What follows is 80 minutes of terror, mostly Sarah’s. Elizabeth Olsen is creating quite a reel for herself. I haven’t seen but want to see “Martha, Marcy, May, Marlene” (for which she earned rave reviews) and now this movie which like Tom Hanks in Cast Away is completely dependent on Sarah as a character. If you don’t care if she lives, you don’t get into this movie. She runs, hides, is stalked by the things in this house. You aren’t sure what is real and what is created in Sarah’s mind. Since you are stuck with her, you believe most of what happens. Sarah is a typical horror movie scream queen. She runs upstairs when she should go out the front door. She screams and hides under the bed. She never seems to escape her tormentors and the movie is scary. In true horror movie fashion, when she finally escapes the house, her Uncle Peter sees her running down the road and takes her back to the house. This is a yell at the screen horror movie. The phrase “What… where are you going?! Stupid.” Will probably come out of your mouth more than once and isn’t that great fun?
Mr. Unhappy sez: Don’t sleep on this movie. It is scary… how awesome Liz Olsen’s (yeah we are that close after this movie) cleavage truly is.
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