The Conjuring
Here’s a thought I had as I left The Conjuring tonight. Why the hell did people back in the 1800's make their toys so damn creepy? Was it part of the toughness of growing up that your dolls and music boxes scare the crap out of you? The Conjuring has two such items. One is a doll that while being a little worn still looks like it would frighten the bejezus out of small children everywhere and the other is a music box with a circus theme. When you wind it up, the mirror inside spins whilst a creepy ass clown pops it’s head up and down. Of course when the music stops you can see a ghost in the mirror, the creator of this pocket nightmare obviously performed some sort of virgin sacrifice over it after they came up with it.
The Conjuring is a true(ish) story from the case files of Ed and Lorraine Warren, who as paranormal investigators, have investigated some of the scariest haunted houses on the East Coast. The haunting at Amityville is perhaps one of their most famous cases. Lorraine is a medium who can have visions of the spirits and connect with them. As Ed says every time she does one of these hauntings, a piece of her goes too. Ed is a demonologist, author, lecturer and husband to Lorraine. Throughout the movie, they keep alluding to what they were put on this Earth to do. They live in New Jersey, with their daughter and have an room dedicated to keeping the haunted items they have picked up in their cases. One such thing is a doll named Annabelle who is the host for a demon or so claim the former owners. The story of Annabelle is told in the beginning of The Conjuring to give us a context for their lives and while it is a great scary story, it is only the beginning of the ride you are about to go on.
The real story of The Conjuring is the Perron family's who moved into a New Jersey home that had been home to several tragedies and I’m pretty sure the real estate agency or the bank that sold it to them, should have been upfront with that. Regardless, the Perron’s sink all their money into the new house and move in with their five daughters. Soon after arriving you know something is not right. The dog refuses to go into the house, the doorway to the basement has been shoddily boarded up, and as they sleep, a odor of rotten meat floats around the house. One daughter sleep walks into her sister’s room and bangs her head against the door to the closet, another daughter talks to her invisible friend Rory who owned the aforementioned music creepfest box, and the other daughter hears whispers in the night and gets her foot tugged while she sleeps. All of this stuff would send me screaming from the house and to my real estate agents house so I could kick him/her in the balls (although if it were a her, I might have to dig around with my foot a bit to find the ovaries and it would cease to be a punishment). The incidents eventually get so bad, Carolyn Perron seeks out the Warrens. Ed and Lorraine decide to visit the house and immediately see that this is not a drafty house with leaky pipes. Well it is but it also has some dark forces at work. As time goes on, we see the incidents gain in strength. Ghosts are seen, things pop out of places to scare the crap out of you, and one of the daughters gets thrown around the living room by an unseen force. An exorcism is needed and fast. The church (as the people who should leap to help you) review the evidence and bring it to the Vatican for approval. Red tape is exactly what the family being stalked by demons wants to hear. The final battle is as it always is in movies about demonic possessions. There is growling, there is holy water and there is Christ compelling something again. While the same beats are played, the movie itself remains fresh.
The Conjuring is a true(ish) story from the case files of Ed and Lorraine Warren, who as paranormal investigators, have investigated some of the scariest haunted houses on the East Coast. The haunting at Amityville is perhaps one of their most famous cases. Lorraine is a medium who can have visions of the spirits and connect with them. As Ed says every time she does one of these hauntings, a piece of her goes too. Ed is a demonologist, author, lecturer and husband to Lorraine. Throughout the movie, they keep alluding to what they were put on this Earth to do. They live in New Jersey, with their daughter and have an room dedicated to keeping the haunted items they have picked up in their cases. One such thing is a doll named Annabelle who is the host for a demon or so claim the former owners. The story of Annabelle is told in the beginning of The Conjuring to give us a context for their lives and while it is a great scary story, it is only the beginning of the ride you are about to go on.
The real story of The Conjuring is the Perron family's who moved into a New Jersey home that had been home to several tragedies and I’m pretty sure the real estate agency or the bank that sold it to them, should have been upfront with that. Regardless, the Perron’s sink all their money into the new house and move in with their five daughters. Soon after arriving you know something is not right. The dog refuses to go into the house, the doorway to the basement has been shoddily boarded up, and as they sleep, a odor of rotten meat floats around the house. One daughter sleep walks into her sister’s room and bangs her head against the door to the closet, another daughter talks to her invisible friend Rory who owned the aforementioned music creepfest box, and the other daughter hears whispers in the night and gets her foot tugged while she sleeps. All of this stuff would send me screaming from the house and to my real estate agents house so I could kick him/her in the balls (although if it were a her, I might have to dig around with my foot a bit to find the ovaries and it would cease to be a punishment). The incidents eventually get so bad, Carolyn Perron seeks out the Warrens. Ed and Lorraine decide to visit the house and immediately see that this is not a drafty house with leaky pipes. Well it is but it also has some dark forces at work. As time goes on, we see the incidents gain in strength. Ghosts are seen, things pop out of places to scare the crap out of you, and one of the daughters gets thrown around the living room by an unseen force. An exorcism is needed and fast. The church (as the people who should leap to help you) review the evidence and bring it to the Vatican for approval. Red tape is exactly what the family being stalked by demons wants to hear. The final battle is as it always is in movies about demonic possessions. There is growling, there is holy water and there is Christ compelling something again. While the same beats are played, the movie itself remains fresh.
The Conjuring is a good if not great movie to see with your girlfriend, loved on, or just someone you could clutch onto and turn to when someone goes to investigate why the pictures all slammed off the walls. I had a series of good “Where the fuck are you going?” comments and no one to share them with. Don’t be like me. What The Conjuring does have in abundance is creepiness. From the doll to the music box to the anticipation of some unknown scary as hell thing to happens. It keeps you on your toes and offers a few scares that will meet horror movie veterans jump from their seats. I don’t have any reason not to believe in ghosts or demons but I do share a scared scepticism of people like Ed an Lorraine. Do they help explain normal psychotic matters with supernatural means or do we just rather believe that the people are insane then try to understand the evil forces in our world? I hope for the former over the latter. I like to keep my scary forces of evil on movie screens and out of my bedroom where ghosts tug on my foot while I sleep. And please keep your creepy ass clown/dolls the fuck in the other room...across town...in France because well fuck the French, they deserve creepy ass things. Creepiness does not belong in toys. Give me a lead painted doll with a happy face and small choking hazard parts over the toys we gave our great great grandfathers any day.
Mr. Unhappy sez: After seeing The Conjuring I may jump from my bed for a few nights, just in case the bogeyman is down there to grab me. Not that I believe in that stuff...but what if they believe in me and my tasty ankles.
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