Power Rangers
(because I refuse to call it Saban’s Power Rangers)
I was probably too old to be watching Power Rangers when it came out but I did. I also watched Batman: The Animated Series and Animaniacs…. I say this now with the nostalgia of old age (I’m 38 nearing 40 with every breath). It’s also become slightly more acceptable now that I associate Amy Jo Johnson (the original and best Pink Ranger) with Canadian SWAT team show Flashpoint. At least my attraction is based on a show where she isn’t playing a high school student but I digress. I liked the original show, mostly for the horrible dubbing and the hackneyed fighting and storylines. You never stop to think critically why Rita Repulsa attacks only this small hamlet of Angel Grove which apparently builds and rebuilds its buildings out of a high-grade cardboard that can withstand anything but a 40 ton monster the sized of the Statue of Liberty falling on it. I liked Jason, Zach, Billy, Trini and Kimberly (with Amy Jo my high school pop culture crush). I even liked Tommy but seeing as how he wasn’t original 5… I’m excluding him for this review.
As seems to be popular these days
they have remade my beloved cheese factory of a show and tried to (sigh) do it
seriously. I get it, that’s the kitsch these days. Let’s make this hero movie
as though they were actually defending the Earth from evil alien Rita Repulsa.
That name alone questions credibility and since the original five were such boy
scouts lets have these kids be rebels who live in a world where Saturday
detention exists. They have attempted to Breakfast Club the hell out of this
movie. If Kimberly fell in love with Skull (named just in spirit in the movie)
at the end of the movie and he walked across the football field, raising his
fist in glory, I wouldn’t have been surprised. Jason (Red Ranger) crashes his
car whilst running from the cops for putting a cow in the locker room? Kimberly
mean girled her way into detention, Trini is just an outcast based solely on
her inability to tell her parents who she is, Zach is a loner who skips school
to avoid dealing with his mother’s death and Billy is autistic. Not badly but
enough to maybe check the boxes on the wheel of inclusion. I mean I just don’t
understand what narrative purpose his autism has because it truly seems to only
be a hindrance when plot decides it so and then he’s cured by the power of
friendship.
Anyway Rita (Elizabeth Banks)
awakens and is going to create her creature Goldar (out of the gold teeth of
hobos apparently) to find the Zeo crystal and destroy all life on earth. These
are all throwbacks to the show. She needs to accumulate enough gold and thus
gives the power ranger coins\amulets time to choose Breakfast Club Lite as
their owners. Zordon and Alpha 5 (Bryan Cranston and Bill Hader) are awakened
to train and prepare the new rangers to face Rita. The Rangers have 11 days to learn how to morph
(no it’s Morphin time… recite names of dinosaurs) or just stand on the space
ships magic morphing pads and let them judge you worthy or not. There are some third act surprises and Angel
Grove…of course… takes a beat down. Would you have it any other way?
I guess what disturbed or
disappointed me is not that the movie wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be.
There is a way to create a very serious, dark knight style, Power Rangers movie
but this kind of hedges it’s bets. None of the teens is very outwardly rebellious
or dangerous. They swear but they love their only when gosh darn it won’t do…they
are maybe sort of gay…but they never really say it… Billy is a nerd…but he’s autistic
so it’s not his fault. I would love to see the all-out balls to the wall
version of this but jumping from PG to PG-13 is a massive leap across a gorge.
My preferred version of this would have been to upgrade the effects but not
completely and cash in on the cheesiness of the show. Have them fight Toho
Godzilla style. Use guys in big suits not CGI gold teeth monsters. Or have
something to say. I’m not saying I wasn’t entertained by this movie but I wasn’t
blown away by any of it. The suits are cool. They play the Power Rangers theme, Alpha still
looks slightly ridiculous, and Zordon is a big face in a wall. Much of this
problematic storytelling may come from the origin story effect. You can never
tell how someone becomes a hero without having much of the story be about how
badly they suck. Once you’ve established the heroes, stories become action
packed thrill rides. That’s why Power Rangers meets the Breakfast Club only
mildly thrills and doesn’t take me on a ride at all. The kids are all enjoyable
and Banks as Rita is great. Overall, it gives you a sense of being a good
story. I just wish it had a little more
cheese.
Mr. Unhappy sez: Go-Go Power
Rangers…tell me you didn’t just hum that shit in your head.
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