There is something great about the summer. In a effort to increase movie ticket sales, movie companies start doing two late night early shows for the newest movies. It helps those of us who love to go see the late night shows but maybe don’t want to be snuggling with the couple next to us on the aisle who needs to buy the large drink even though it will cause them to leave at the most crucial point in the movie and proceed to fall on top of you (and not in a good way). I’ve never been able to grasp going to the bathroom in the middle of a movie. How can you just get up and miss major part to the storyline of the movie? Sure in a movie like Grown Ups 2, where there is very little you need to know to enjoy yourself, it barely matters but in an intricate movie like say Inception, you are gonna miss some important details. Personally, I’m a holder. I know it is not necessarily the best thing to do but if I don’t feel like I can’t stand up straight at the end of a movie because my kidneys are holding a few cups of water, I’m not doing my job correctly...or I am severely dehydrated. So I guess my point is, please stop climbing over everyone to go use the cesspool of a bathroom during the crucial scene in the movie. My testicles (which you will undoubtedly grab and twist as you fall across me) thank you.
Where was I? Oh yeah, the summer late night showings of new movies. As a working stiff who usually has to work on Friday (of course now I have fuck all to do), the midnight showings are a nightmare. You get out at 2 am and if you have to wake up at 8am or earlier, you are entering the arena of “Should I go to sleep or just stay awake?” With these new summer late night shows, you get in at 10:00pm and are out by 12:00 at the latest and able to head home and be asleep by 1am (hopefully). The problem lies on nights like last night. Two movies I want to see were playing at the same time. The Wolverine (I know, I’m a glutton for shitty movies) and The To-Do List were both playing and I had to make a decision. I know this is a first world problem but it is a dilemma for someone like me. The Wolverine has actiony violence and a dude with claws scratching his way through the Yakuza while The To-Do List has Parks and Recreation’s Aubrey Plaza in a light hearted, R-Rated sex romp.
There were valid arguments to be made for either movie. The To-Do List has one of my favorite actresses in Aubrey Plaza and not just from her role on Parks and Recreation. I loved Safety Not Guaranteed with Mark Duplass. That movie not only gave her a chance to lead a movie but fit with her personal style of humor and there was heart in her performance. She is also a great looking girl. Her deadpan humor and awkwardness is oddly endearing all in it’s own way. The Wolverine has a hulked out Hugh Jackman and a desperate need to be better than the previous effort in the series. I’ve been watching the commercials closely this week and is it just me or does it seem like they are beating you over the head with a desire to say “We didn’t fuck this one up like the last one!” What, do you want a cookie? That’s your job. Make a good movie and don't fuck it up. The last movie I had that feeling about was Cowboys and Aliens. I don't want to toot my own horn but toot motherf**king toot. As you can probably tell, the choice for me was relatively clear. To avoid a potential suckfest, I went to see...
The To Do List
I've always enjoyed a good teen sex romp. The boys from Porky’s and American Pie could always make you cackle with joy and absurd sexual situations. I’ve always thought that these movies were perhaps the most realistic idea of what being a guy in their late teens meant. Sex was some how a mythical creature that only the cool kids could get. Sure, you wanted to have naked fumbling in the back seat of your Camaro with someone but there was no chance you would know what to do or how to do or how to not blow it. You aren’t prepared for the emotions but your body keeps screaming at you to do it now. It is a common movie experience. A boy or boys want to lose his virginity and goes through embarrassing events to finally learn the true meaning of sexual intimacy.
The To Do List switches it up and tells the familiar story of losing your virginity from the girls point of view. Aubrey Plaza stars as Brandy Klark, an overachiever in the class of 1993 who never had time in High School to have a boyfriend and go through those awkward first fumblings. She was so laser focused on her school work and getting into college that she missed half the point of high school, to build memories and friendships. To have awkward moments with boys, and learn how to kiss, touch, grope and fondle. She is so pristine and uptight that after graduation, she is dragged to a party that she doesn’t want to be at until she spies Rusty (played by the excellent Scott Porter of Friday Night Lights) playing an acoustic version of Pour Some Sugar On Me. Something in her snaps and she let’s loose, getting drunk, having fun and enjoying her grad night. After enjoying the party a little too much and being placed in a bunk bed by her friends, Rusty comes into the room looking for his hook up. He awkwardly makes out with Brandy until she constantly corrects his make out grammar, kisses other parts of his face while completely missing his lips and he finally turns on the lights to figure out that she is not the blonde he was looking for. Sickened by her lack of experience, she (as an anal overachiever does) comes up with a to do list of sexual acts that she needs to experience before she can lose her virginity to Rusty.
With a little helpful encouragement from her friends, she decides to work down her list during the summer and culminate the summer by getting the boy of her dreams. I’ve always thought that women haven’t been portrayed enough as wanting sex and pursuing it too. Experience tells me this is not the case. Women can be sexual aggressors. So it was refreshing to see a woman take charge of the bedroom. Lost in the shuffle is Cameron, Brandy’s lab partner who has a massive crush on her and wants nothing more than to be her first lover. He is quite in love with her and when she approaches him at a party because she wants to be finger banged/blasted/bombed (according to who you ask in the movie), he is quite happy. The problem is she is just using him and so those real feelings he is developing is nothing more than a science experiment to Brandy.
I could appreciate the honesty and realism the relationships in the movie and how women can make mistakes and are not all knowing over what should be done. Brandy does not think of what could happen to Cameron and takes it upon herself to make out with him, give him a handjob (with butter) at a movie to the chagrin of those around them. Not to mention that she experiments with oral sex at the pool (where she, Rusty, Cameron and a wonderful Bill Hader all work) with a guy in a grunge band after he’s ingested several pineapple juices to make his come taste better. The To Do List tackles the subject of sex with such earnestness that you are quite happy to follow Brandy on her journey although it is not necessarily a noble one. She is using a guy who really cares about her, hooks up with a guy her friend still likes, and obsesses over Rusty as though he is the golden ticket to a pleasurable loss of her virginity. It is the first time I could say a movie considered a sex romp can be consider sweet.
And yet the movie is sweet. Her parents played by Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg) and Mrs. Coach (Connie Britton) are the typical parents of the 90's. One is a conservative who doesn’t want his daughter to experiment with sex while her mom is quite open and offers up lube for a more pleasurable sexual experience. Brandy’s sister Amber is a all knowing sexual guru who mocks Brandy for being such a loser. Fiona and Wendy are Brandy’s best friends who have all had sex and encourage her in her quest for sexual experience while really just wanting to have a night they can all hang out and watch Beaches. Brandy herself is so innocent and blind to what relationships are that you can’t really blame her for breaking Cameron’s heart.
What makes the To Do List so innocently heartfelt is the passion Brandy takes to completing her list that she barely pauses to enjoy the experiences she has. It is a lesson for kids that isn’t the normal “Don’t have sex” company line. It teaches us that sex is perhaps the most powerful act we, as adults, can do but that it cannot be quantified in a scientific way. Sex is, as your parents would say, about loving someone and until you learn that lesson, it really is just squishy parts slamming together in a more or less pleasurable way. When you finally find someone you love, sex is truly amazing. I’m not saying there is not a point to sleeping with someone you don’t love. I’m trying to say that it is so much better when you know, care, and love the person. I know you are saying “Mr. Unhappy, stop being a preacher.” What can I say? That’s how it worked for me and now I don’t want anything less. That’s just my opinion, I am most likely wrong.
The To Do List switches it up and tells the familiar story of losing your virginity from the girls point of view. Aubrey Plaza stars as Brandy Klark, an overachiever in the class of 1993 who never had time in High School to have a boyfriend and go through those awkward first fumblings. She was so laser focused on her school work and getting into college that she missed half the point of high school, to build memories and friendships. To have awkward moments with boys, and learn how to kiss, touch, grope and fondle. She is so pristine and uptight that after graduation, she is dragged to a party that she doesn’t want to be at until she spies Rusty (played by the excellent Scott Porter of Friday Night Lights) playing an acoustic version of Pour Some Sugar On Me. Something in her snaps and she let’s loose, getting drunk, having fun and enjoying her grad night. After enjoying the party a little too much and being placed in a bunk bed by her friends, Rusty comes into the room looking for his hook up. He awkwardly makes out with Brandy until she constantly corrects his make out grammar, kisses other parts of his face while completely missing his lips and he finally turns on the lights to figure out that she is not the blonde he was looking for. Sickened by her lack of experience, she (as an anal overachiever does) comes up with a to do list of sexual acts that she needs to experience before she can lose her virginity to Rusty.
With a little helpful encouragement from her friends, she decides to work down her list during the summer and culminate the summer by getting the boy of her dreams. I’ve always thought that women haven’t been portrayed enough as wanting sex and pursuing it too. Experience tells me this is not the case. Women can be sexual aggressors. So it was refreshing to see a woman take charge of the bedroom. Lost in the shuffle is Cameron, Brandy’s lab partner who has a massive crush on her and wants nothing more than to be her first lover. He is quite in love with her and when she approaches him at a party because she wants to be finger banged/blasted/bombed (according to who you ask in the movie), he is quite happy. The problem is she is just using him and so those real feelings he is developing is nothing more than a science experiment to Brandy.
I could appreciate the honesty and realism the relationships in the movie and how women can make mistakes and are not all knowing over what should be done. Brandy does not think of what could happen to Cameron and takes it upon herself to make out with him, give him a handjob (with butter) at a movie to the chagrin of those around them. Not to mention that she experiments with oral sex at the pool (where she, Rusty, Cameron and a wonderful Bill Hader all work) with a guy in a grunge band after he’s ingested several pineapple juices to make his come taste better. The To Do List tackles the subject of sex with such earnestness that you are quite happy to follow Brandy on her journey although it is not necessarily a noble one. She is using a guy who really cares about her, hooks up with a guy her friend still likes, and obsesses over Rusty as though he is the golden ticket to a pleasurable loss of her virginity. It is the first time I could say a movie considered a sex romp can be consider sweet.
And yet the movie is sweet. Her parents played by Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg) and Mrs. Coach (Connie Britton) are the typical parents of the 90's. One is a conservative who doesn’t want his daughter to experiment with sex while her mom is quite open and offers up lube for a more pleasurable sexual experience. Brandy’s sister Amber is a all knowing sexual guru who mocks Brandy for being such a loser. Fiona and Wendy are Brandy’s best friends who have all had sex and encourage her in her quest for sexual experience while really just wanting to have a night they can all hang out and watch Beaches. Brandy herself is so innocent and blind to what relationships are that you can’t really blame her for breaking Cameron’s heart.
What makes the To Do List so innocently heartfelt is the passion Brandy takes to completing her list that she barely pauses to enjoy the experiences she has. It is a lesson for kids that isn’t the normal “Don’t have sex” company line. It teaches us that sex is perhaps the most powerful act we, as adults, can do but that it cannot be quantified in a scientific way. Sex is, as your parents would say, about loving someone and until you learn that lesson, it really is just squishy parts slamming together in a more or less pleasurable way. When you finally find someone you love, sex is truly amazing. I’m not saying there is not a point to sleeping with someone you don’t love. I’m trying to say that it is so much better when you know, care, and love the person. I know you are saying “Mr. Unhappy, stop being a preacher.” What can I say? That’s how it worked for me and now I don’t want anything less. That’s just my opinion, I am most likely wrong.
In closing...
Mr. Unhappy sez: The To Do List adds heart where heart has not been before. Sure there is a girl masturbating with a pillow wearing a Hillary Clinton t-shirt but the heart thing too.
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