A Shower of Golden Dreams

1st Annual Golden Unhappy Faces Awards

The Best of 2011

The year is coming to a close tonight and as I will be too drunk or tired to write this after midnight, I will do my best to weave for you my best of list. I know that it is a tired fad but I swear that my list will not be the same let's love what everyone else loves because that is the same and sameness is awesome! I tried to avoid the obvious choice although I think they are the right choices regardless of what a naked golden man will say three months from now.  And now the first golden unhappy face goes to?

Best Movie of 2011

50/50 

This was a hard category for me but in the end the cancer comedrama starring Joseph Gordon Levitt, Seth Rogen and Twilight’s Anna Kendrick was by far my most enjoyable and the most complete movie I saw this year. The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo was very competently done and The Adjustment Bureau made my heart go pitter patter but 50/50 took a subject that is not funny and made it humorous. It dealt with real life issues and was by far the best movie I saw this year.  It also proved to me that a one note character from Twilight can move onto bigger and better things. Kendrick was amazing as a psych student learning how to treat someone who in essence was given a death sentence. If you missed this movie in theaters, you best pick it up on Blu-Ray or (gasp) regular DVD.

Best Horror Movie of 2011

Insidious

With the disappointing Paranormal Activity 3, no new Saw movie and very few truly terrifying films, Insidious brought back the days of The Exorcist and The Omen. I felt as though I was transported to a seventies movie which had a big creepy old house, a young happy family that will soon be torn apart by a tragedy with supernatural aspects. It’s been said recently that the things that scare you the most are the things you cannot see. Blair Witch and Paranormal Activity are prime examples of this but Insidious lets me know is that the thing that scares me the most are things I see quickly, are smiling, and then disappear from sight but not the room. This movie is on Netflix Instant Watch for you brave enough to turn off the lights, snuggle up with your sweetie and clutch each other for support.

Best Action Movie of 2011

Fast Five

I didn’t want this to be a good movie if only because I do not want to support the career of Vin Diesel. Yet this movie delivered on all levels of action movie goodness. Sure it doesn’t have Bruce Willis jumping of Nakatomi Towers but few action movies do. Fast Five gives you what you want from a Fast movie, cars and pretty women bending over in awkward unnatural ways.  The Rock raised the tension as to whether the inevitable driving robbery would succeed as a tough as nails bounty hunter. I can’t say that Fast Five made me excited about the action genre again but it certainly made its own stamp on the genre. And in a year of 50,000 sequels this is the best as much as Transformers 3 is the worst.  

Best Drama of 2011

The Adjustment Bureau 

A definite contender for best picture of the year. I find it a bit of a travesty that it came out before March and therefore will be largely ignored by the Oscar race this year. Emily Blunt and Matt Damon both give stellar performances as people who fight the system of how life itself goes. I cannot say anything bad about this movie and the drama, sci-fi and spiritual things this movie delivers make you think about it for days afterward…hell months. I wish Hollywood would look at The Adjustment Bureau and realize that this is what a good movie is supposed to be. Emotional, smart, and engaging not explodey, cheesy and in slooooow moooootion.

Best Dark Comedy of 2011

The Beaver 

Given Mel Gibson’s year and recent divorce settlement, he needs to be thrown a bone. The Beaver is a depressing and sometimes downright suicidal movie but it has a heart and it speaks to you. Mel Gibson is great and shows that while he may be insane, he can still act. Playing a man who after attempting to take his life begins to talk to other people using a stuffed beaver puppet on his left hand is a challenge but Mel makes the character likable and the story of how he tries to get his family back is enjoyable. Is the premise weird? Yup. Does the Beaver make you smile and be less depressed? Yup.  Should you hold a movie responsible for the problems of the star? No. Go ahead and give it a chance. Mel Gibson might start the long road of winning you back and Jennifer Lawrence, Jodie Foster, and the rest of the cast will win you over.

Most Horrific Movie of 2011 

Megan is Missing

I wanted to give this the Best Horror Movie but this movie is more horrific than it is scary. This cautionary tale for parents everywhere made me curl up in bed with the covers up at my eyes, not wanting to look but unable to look away. This movie still gives me a chill as I pass it on my Netflix Instant Watch Queue.  This movie is simple and at sometimes poorly acted but the story crawls into you and then for 28 minutes at the end, grabs your heart and twists it. You feel culpable to these girls plight and you really don’t want to know what is in the large blue barrel. Don’t watch this alone and don’t think you’ll forget about it anytime soon.

Best Sappy Romantic Comedy of 2011

Crazy Stupid Love

I love this movie and it again was a candidate for Best Picture of the Year. Steve Carell stars as a middle age man, starting over meeting women and dealing with the very real loss of the love of his life. Not to death but to boredom and an extramarital affair. It is pitch perfect. Ryan Gosling is the Lothario playboy who takes Carell under his wing and helps him get laid. As far as romantic comedies go, this is the type to strive for. Not contrived bullshit but warm sentiment and a respect for love that is rarely shown. And seriously…Ryan Gosling does look photoshopped. 

Best Actress of 2011 

Rooney Mara in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

In the movie The Social Network, Rooney Mara takes a 5 minute scene in the movie and permeates throughout the rest of the film. In The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo, Rooney becomes the enigmatic Lisbeth Salander and creates a character so rich that the entire film is touched by her. Even scenes where she is not involved seem rich with Lisbeth's touch. The scenes she does appear in, many times naked, show the power and ability of a young actress becoming a great actress. We should expect nothing less of this actress in years to come. Long after the scars (literally) of this character are left behind on her resume, the rolse she will play will continue to amaze not because of the screenwriter or director but because of the passion and hard work of this actress. I expect a lot from Rooney Mara....don't let Mr. Unhappy down.

Best Looking Actress of 2011

My Girl Ashley Greene (Alice Cullen from Twilight)

In a world of Team Edward and Team Jacob I am firmly entrenched in Team Alice. Since the first moment she slow motion walked through the cafeteria of Forks High School, I was entranced with the smallest Cullen. Her beauty outside the Twilight universe is only magnified by her long flowing legs and well maintained physique which is obviously minimized by the Twilight films. I recently saw her on an episode of the TV show Pan Am. In that role, the classic beauty of Ashley Greene is accentuated and you feel drawn to her. At least I did...OK parts of me did....not the heady part or the chesty part either...the nether parts...OK I've said too much. All of this is brilliant but Ashley also seems more than willing to remove her clothes for roles, Sobe ads, whatever! Can’t ask for much more... can you? Here's hoping we see a lot more (subtext not subtle there is it?) of Ashley in the near future. You know before she starts sagging in places you shouldn't sag.  

Best Actor of 2011

Jonah Hill, Moneyball

Yeah I could have slobbed Brad Pitt’s knob on this movie and category too but Jonah Hill broadened his horizons in Moneyball and played a character that made the movie. Both funny but understated in his Moneyball role, he shows his range as an actor and makes you feel as though good things are to come in the future. Probably not the 21 Jump Street movie but after that. So yes, Brad Pitt was awesome in Moneyball but everybody and their shiny knobs love Pitt. I am giving Hill a little lovin. (This post is turning very gay…or is it just me?)

Best “For the Ladies” Actor of 2011

Ryan Gosling, Crazy Stupid Love

To keep with my kind of homosexual vibe in this post… Gosling was perfect as a ladies’ man who gets what he wants from women but who is blindsided by Emma Stone’s character and finds himself in new territory. The chemistry of Stone and Gosling and their back and forth about how a night with him usually goes leads to the aforementioned photoshopped abs and a call back to Dirty Dancing. You want to hate Ryan Gosling for being so pretty and yet, you just can’t. Oh yeah and ladies...you are welcome.

Mr. Unhappy sez: For Mr. Unhappy this year was up and down, much like movies. Sequels and remakes, Smurfs and originality. Mr. Unhappy sez that in this year, the movie world took a step back and only a few movies (see above) really worked to get me interested. For that...I thank them. 

Up Next: Worst of 2011

The Girl who Blew Santa…away

The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo

So in this holiday season when movie producers want to wow you with the next big Oscar contender, we find these dark, smart dramas creeping into the fabric of a time when no one was raped in the behind and simple tales of red nosed reindeer or tom hanks as conductor of the polar express used to be all that populated the screens of the local cinema. This year, in tune with those years of old, we have The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo. The heartwarming tale of a Swedish family filled with Nazis, murder and missing children. It warms you in ways that hot chocolate cannot. That’s not true of course, this movie is a dark cold movie that chills you with its apparent lack of caring if you like it or not. Everything about this movie is cold, distant and dark.  I did read the book first and would recommend anyone who is going to see this movie do so before plunging headlong into the world of Mikael Blomkvist and Lisbeth Salander. After all, the movie is 3 hours long (although it doesn’t feel that way in the all important Mr. Unhappy tingly ass test) and to invest that kind of time to a movie you may come out of feeling as though you were raped may not be the way you want to spend a cold winter night.

<<Spoiler Alert to some of the story that is told, no major surprises though>>

                The movie (directed by the usually brilliant David Fincher) plunges you into the middle of the action, at the end of a libel trial in which Mikael (007 abs extraordinaire Daniel Craig, for the ladies) has been found guilty. This story, which serves just as a catalyst to get the main character where he needs to go, is mostly glossed over in the movie. More importantly, is that the case is the first string pulled to bring the antisocial and brilliant Lisbeth Salander into Mikael’s life. She carries herself as someone who does not want to be seen and yet screams against the world at large. Lisbeth is first intrigued by Mikael and is eventually drawn to Mikael and desiring of his approval and love. All this I guess as Lisbeth gives nothing away especially as performed by Rooney Mara. The young actress shows in grand fashion what she briefly showed in The Social Network as the object of Eisenbergian obsession; that she is worthy of that obsession. She emotes rather than use dialogue to tell the movie viewer what she is thinking in each instance. As Lisbeth, she has been tortured at the hands of men her entire life and could be looked at as a fragile victim. So when Mikael disrupts her routine and offers her the opportunity to help catch a killer of women, she dives headlong into the project. Lisbeth, as a character in a novel, is remote and distant. Mara captures the essence of her character perfectly, treating the act of looking someone in the eye as a great chore and bending almost too easily to the advances of the guardian who is supposed to protect her best interest. She is a tragic character and we can see that from the first scene.

                Craig, for his part, plays Blomkvist admirably and keeps the story of young Harriet Vanger (gone these past 40 years) moving along until he finally teams with Salander and begins the headlong dive into the climax of the movie. It can be hard to seem almost a secondary character in this movie but as with the books, this is Salander’s show and we are only there to bare witness to it. Craig plays it well, the aloof reporter who lulls you into telling him all the salacious family details you have to offer. Stellan Skarsgard appears as the brother of poor Harriet and the seemingly most normal member of this horrific and wicked family. All of the major players came to this movie to elevate. Christopher Plummer plays his character as both strong and completely fragile.  Joelly Richardson delivers in a small role as a member of the Vanger family who wants nothing to do with Blomkvist or her family for reasons known only to her. Robin Wright as a weathered newspaper woman trying to deal with Blomkvist’s departure and what it could mean to the future of their magazine gives weight to a character that could easily have been overlooked. There are many scenes that could have become laughable had they not had the correct people playing them. Fincher and Co. hit every character perfectly.

                I’ve heard the rumblings in the Steig Larsson underground that complain about Rooney Mara but she convinced me. I’ll admit I have not seen Noomi Rapace’s Lisbeth but she would be hard pressed to embody the character as completely as Mara does. For a movie in which she must be raped and be fierce, she accomplishes both sides with ease. Her Lisbeth is smart, calculating and able to transcend the limitations a stoic, anti-social character puts on you. She is laid bare for the world to see and I do not know of another actress who could have carried the weight as she has. She is, after all, the embodiment of a character loved the world over.   The most telling sign of an actor for me is whether you can believe them as a character. You look to the completely opposite world of Harry Potter and how Daniel Radcliffe was a great Harry but he was not the Harry Potter you saw when reading the books. Those kinds of limitations to a character can stunt them. The same can be said here for Lisbeth. Can anyone truly occupy the mind of the girl you fell in love with on page? I can’t answer that for you but I can say that Rooney Mara did that for me.

                To not talk about the elephant in the room and the explicit sex in the movie would be like ignoring a naked woman walking down the street. Cannot be done. There is an impressive amount of sex (violent sex) in this movie. If the idea of this turns you off but you read the book, it doesn’t go any further than what is in the novel. Seeing it on page or in a dimly lit theater can be different and the American audience will probably not be prepared for this level of sex and nudity. This is easily the most sexually explicit movie I’ve seen in a movie theater since Jason Biggs diddled a pie and Dragon Tattoo goes far beyond that. Sex does not detract from this story but enhances it in ways that were the movie sanitized for your protection from boobies the movie would suffer about as much as Lisbeth’s handsy/rapey guardian. Lastly, I’d offer that a movie needs to have a voice and this film is about the violence of men against women and sexual violence itself. Prepare yourself for that and don’t be a wuss. You can cover your eyes until it is over.

Mr. Unhappy sez: I love me some Lisbeth Salander and as this movie is everything I wanted, I am curious why that group of teenage boys left after all the sex was over?

Golden Unhappy Awards

Most Heartbroken Award – Rooney Mara as Lisbeth Salander - I know how it feels to meet someone and almost feel connected to them. I also know how it feels to see them feel connected genitally to someone new and she nailed it (figuratively of course).

Up Next: Best of 2011 –Golden Unhappiness for all!

Valentine's Day 2: New Year's Eve

New Year’s Cliche

I will be the first to say that a “chick flick” does not immediately turn me off. I like the idea that love is a very real and possible thing even though at present I only half believe that myself. I’d even buy that New Year’s Eve is a day when some of those impossible dreams can come true if only for the conceit of the movie. I want a world where love can be present and give us a chance to find it as though opening a curtain and giving us the chance to walk through it. However New Year’s Eve: Valentine’s Day 2 does not make you believe in love. It mocks you and mocks your belief in love and brings cliches to life and lends credence to people who mock and disparage the entire romantic comedy genre. If this movie doesn’t put the nail in the coffin of the romantic comedy I have a few scripts for you and I guarantee they are better than this pile of cheese.

A great ensemble movie has certain elements. Many characters all in search of something during one magical night when things seem possible. A graduation party (Can’t Hardly Wait), Christmas time in England (Love Actually), Valentine’s Day (um Valentine’s Day) or the beginning of senior year (Dazed and Confused). There is also a problem that keeps all of the characters from accomplishing their goals. This is followed by the accomplishment of all their goals but in ways they did not see coming. The happy ending where everyone kisses and we assume they live happily ever after. There is a certain level of bullshit that one must allow in these types of movies so you have to accept that and let it go as soon as the ticket taker rips your ticket and says “Thanks!”

I was willing to accept that and indeed my friend Teresa leaned over and said “This movie is gonna suck right?” So I had the right level of expectation and still New Year’s Eve fell well below even  the bell curve idea of a movie. The stories are all cliched. Abigail Breslin and the chick from Sex and The City (the kind of odd looking one...no not Kim Catrall...no not the red headed one...) are a mother and daughter who are having some teen angsty moments because mom won’t let daughter go to Times Square and let her be groped by teen date rapist #1. Michelle Pfeiffer and Zac Efron are trying to finish all of Michelle’s New Year’s resolutions before midnight for some reason not known. Lea Michele and Ashton Kutcher are neighbors who get stuck in an elevator and learn the true magic of New Year’s Eve to make pretty people kiss. Robert Deniro is a dying man who wants to see one last ball drop. Hilary Swank is the person in charge of the ball dropping. Josh Duhamel just needs to get back to New York to meet his soulmate before midnight. All standard movie cliches but wait there’s more. There are two couples each vying for a cash prize by having the first new year’s baby or maybe you’ll like Jon Bon Jovi as a rock star who did Katherine Heigl wrong but wants her back with the spanish woman from Modern family there to act all crazy and sexy! 

I don’t hate this movie but I don’t like it either. It is as though Hollywood has given up trying to come up with ideas and instead just throw a new day up on the title and make some bland generalizations about how you need to trust your heart and it will lead you through any adversity. This is a valuable lesson that has been done better. See Love Actually if you want holiday romance. It is a better movie and well has more heart to it. I appreciate the try Garry Marshall but in the end we need you to just go away and try something new. It’s not that you are not trying...no wait it is that.

Let’s face it just like this movie most New Year’s Eve are ultimately disappointing and you wake up hung over. I’ve had exactly one great New Years and it was last year. And New Year’s had nothing to do with it.

Mr Unhappy sez: If you want a good movie for New Year’s...see When Harry met Sally...try to get wood after that...whahahahahahaha...

The good the sweet and the muppety...

The Muppets

As a child I was not a fan of the muppet show. It very well could have been above my head but as I grew up I began to watch movies (which has become a vice worthy of the worst addict) and fell in love with Kermit and the gang through The Muppet movie, The Great Muppet Caper (a personal favorite) and The Muppets take Manhattan. The blend of music, humor and great lessons like love can conquer anything. Sitting on my couch instead of a log, I sang along with Kermit singing The Rainbow Connection. It was the beginning of my somewhat love of movies such as The Dark Crystal, The Neverending Story, and many others which blended humans with muppets and allowed a child to believe these felt creations lived among us.
So when I saw that Jason Segel was resurrecting the muppets and bringing them back to the big screen, I was excited. I knew Seagal’s love of the muppets would not allow for a ruination of my childhood friends and would fall nicely into the collection of muppet movies. They have succeeded in creating a movie that draws us once again to their world and bring the legacy of Jim Henson back to the big screen. While their movie may be overly sweet and saccharine in a world so jaded and cynical, I’d say that Kermit and the gang can be brought to a new group of children who can marvel at the head swaying beauty of The Rainbow Connection or the damn mind sticking Manamana.
The movie follows lifelong muppet fan and oddly out of place Walter who idolized The Muppets along with his older brother Gary (Segel). Gary is dating the sweet shop teacher Mary (Amy Adams at her Enchanted best) and for their 10th anniversary they are leaving Smalltown USA and going to Los Angeles. Gary, ever aloof of his girlfriend’s needs invites Walter along so they can see the now decrepit Muppet Studios. There is a story involving an big oil villain played by Chris Cooper but the real story is that the muppets, who are long forgotten and not famous anymore, need to reunite for one last show to save their old theater.
Does this movie have a lot to say about our changing world. Will Kermit threaten George Clooney’s or Brad Pitt’s Oscar chances? Probably not but the sweet and happy movie transports you back to the time when you could believe in a happily ever after. And sometimes, you need that. I loved the many cameos from mainstream stars as they did in the original Muppet movies. Dave Grohl, Neil Patrick Harris, John Krasinski, Jim Parsons, Rico Rodriguez and Selena Gomez and more all offer up their services to The Muppets.
I want to say that this movie is a must see and certainly if you have kids, I’d take them to the show but for a guy like me, who doesn’t have even anyone to share a trip back into memory lane with, I can’t say I needed to see this. I can say that I wanted to see it though. And I am not mad that I did.
In the end...


Mr. Unhappy Sez: Someday I’ll find it, the muppet connection, a lover, a dreamer and me.... Whoa is that a three way? 

Curious Activity...

Paranormal Activity 3

I’m not quite sure what makes me afraid of the movies in the Paranormal Activity series but I think it is the anticipation of the next scare. I always expect something horrific around the next pan of the camera and sometimes I am right. So when I went to see Paranormal Activity 3 a few weeks ago, I was terrified at what awaited me around the next corner. After all, this is the one where we find out how the activity began. 

The first 2 movies, which in case you didn’t know (SPOILER ALERT) were filmed in reverse order. So the events of Paranormal Activity 2 were set before the events in the original Paranormal Activity. Now comes the 3rd movie in the series and again we go further back in time to 1988 and a simpler time. Apparently a time where cameras still had night vision but long before Paris Hilton made night vision well night vision. In the first Paranormal Activity, we watched how “Katie” let her boyfriend Micah film them in a non-Hilton way as their lives seemed to be taken over by a supernatural force. In Part 2, we switched to Katie’s sister Kristi who has similarly bad incidents at her house until sending the “curse” to Micah (pronounced for those not in the know as Mee-ca) and Katie in Part 1. Katie gets her revenge for that sisterly betrayal but now we travel well back in time to see the beginnings of the problems.

I guess the problem I have with this movie is that when the activity began, it wasn’t as scary as the later. Yes the same gags are there as a child plays with her uber-demonic imaginary friend Toby. Her parents are charmed and smiley laughing about their daughter having the most normal of childhood things. Yet Kristi is actually seeing the one who will eventually destroy her family. There is no hope for the adults in this picture and you just hope that the collateral people get out of the way before Toby gets angry. I remember in the commercials I was shown a mysterious shadow woman who seems to haunt the family. Yet strangely the most effective scenes from the trailer don’t show up in the movie. Why a movie company would specifically show you footage that is not in the movie, I do not know. 

I mean I actually had to cover my eyes when the trailer came on and Kristi and Katie played “Bloody Mary” in the bathroom with nothing but a red dot of the camera showing on the screen. Never shows up in the movie. Kristi jumping from a ledge in the middle of the night and appearing unharmed moments later... I’m not ruining the movie for you because it isn’t in there. I think with a found footage movie, you should never cut out anything that appears in the trailers. Otherwise it is cleverly edited “found footage” and it take you out of the movie. 

I don’t want to say that the movie is not scary. I was still crouched down in my chair, plugging my ears and not wanting to see what was going on. In my previous review of a “found footage” movie, Megan is Missing, I was most impressed with the simplicity in which the film was presented. This movie seems more deliberate. It is telling a story and the footage is secondary to the action. The gimmick is not used to sell the story and what happens to Paranormal Activity 3 is that it seems to be more a movie than a movie with found footage. 

The Paranormal Activity series may have bled out and while the movie is scary, it is also lacking in the very things that made it innovative. Maybe this is the result of overexposure to these types of movies. Like when The Blair Witch Project became more about the snot in the girl’s nose than why Mikey was standing in the corner at the end. I don’t know what to say. I liked the movie, I was scared and it satisfied my adrenaline needs. So why did I feel let down? I don’t know.

To that end...

Mr. Unhappy sez: I’m not sure why you want to see this movie but I don’t know why not.

Megan is Missing

Megan is Missing

      I hate when I am looking through the countless new videos on Netflix Instant Watch and come across something that tickles me in a way I am not comfortable with. While being scared to see what this movie is about, the description seems to call out to the horror movie fan in me and I am helpless to not press the “add to instant queue” button to watch on some future date. I can only say that with some of the stuff coming out today, I am glad I am not the impressionable young kid I was when I first saw such campy horror movies as Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street. The current trend in horror is to make a movie that seems like it could be real, says it is real and then suckers you into believing that it is real although when you think about it as you are hiding under your blankets from the evil spirits trying to kill you that if this was real, the movie would not be able to show it.  Your logical mind can tell you all this and you will be able to tell yourself that it is true but when it is coming to the gruesome end, you begin to doubt it yourself. 

For weeks now I have been staring at the poster pic above for the movie “Megan is Missing” and wondering how well done the movie is. Do you believe it? Does it make you sad to watch the build up to what you assume is the end to two 14 year old girls? Why do I want to watch it? Will I feel like a accomplice in watching such a movie in which two girls are preyed upon by a skilled predator and then snuffed out of existence? They are missing. So why I clicked the button to watch the movie today I cannot really tell you. I wanted to see the movie, the premise was great but some part of my mind held me from watching it.  I think it may have been the part of me who wants to believe in the genuine good in people. After this, you doubt that.

“Megan is Missing” is a true story or so the director/writer Michael Goi would want you to believe. The story is compiled of video evidence, webcam chats, Iphone video chats, news reports and hand held videos made by and of two teens, both of whom will “go missing” weeks apart. Megan is a party girl and even at 14 she is a modern teen who has done and seen a lot. She's been molested, abused and has a contentious relationship with her mother. Her stepfather is in prison, maybe for molesting Megan, maybe not. That is not important. Despite her life, Megan is a straight A student, well liked and looking for a new start to her life after the trouble of before. Her best friend Amy on the other hand, is unpopular and seems to orbit Megan like she was the sun and Amy was the Earth. Megan lights up Amy and Amy in many ways brings out the best in Megan. As the two go to parties together and talk about boys and some of the things Megan has done, it is clear that Amy is the “good girl” of their pairing. She has a together if slightly absent family but loving. She is squeaky clean and counts Megan as her best friend when in fact she may have been her only friend. Megan’s friends don’t understand why Megan hangs out with Amy or why she keeps trying to include her in their life. Indeed, Amy does not fit the party girl lifestyle and seems awkward and alone for much of the movie.

Megan dreams of escaping her life and moving to Texas (not for any specific reason but because it seems far from L.A.). Amy plans to go with her and for a moment you believe that Megan going missing will simply be her and Amy running away. Then enters webcahtter Josh, who seems to be a great guy (aren't all the predators) who goes to the other school in town and skateboards behind the diner Megan and her friends frequent. He plans on meeting her at a party but when she shows up, Josh is not there. As a viewer you can test your "daddar" (or dad radar) by seeing if you feel there is something odd about Josh. His voice on the chat is both sinister and pleading. Both older than he says but still young enough to be plausible. Is he a boy who wants to be with Megan or is he a terrible predator? The dangers of the internet are all too real in Megan is Missing and could serve as a cautionary tale of what can happen in the the world where a 40 year old man can be 15 again. Yet, as a parent, you cannot watch everything your child does and while you may not want to ruin the innocence of your child’s lives, you need to prepare them for the real life predators out there. Chris Hanson is not gonna automatically come out wherever child molesters go and ask them what they are doing (as I secretly hoped he would do during the last 22 minutes). “Megan is Missing” is a lesson in parental absence. The parents are present in this movie but they are away from the danger, almost unheard, almost always blurry and out of focus. They are not a part of their lives as parents sometime become in the teen years. Amy’s parents may seem more involved but Dad is “not home much” but he is always there for all the important days like birthday and holidays.

Is “Megan is Missing” real? Not at all. If they say written and directed by, I doubt the sincerity of the movie. It could very well be based on real events. A story I heard from William H. Macy from the set of Fargo goes like this. He arrived on set and asked the Cohen Brothers for the actual case evidence because at the beginning of the script it says “This is a true story.” The Cohen Bothers laughed a bit and said “It’s not a true story, we made it up.” William H. Macy was dumbfounded and said “But it says at the beginning of the script that it is a true story.” They nodded and William H. Macy realized that the Cohen Brothers had indeed made up the entire movie including the “this is a true story” part. To which he said “You can’t do that.” and the Cohen’s said “Why not?” It is a great question and one that I think applies to “Megan is Missing”. The story could be real. It is something, an urban legend of the technology generation, that someone has heard about it happening to a girl or girls in their school. Finding the actual Megan or Amy probably can’t be done but they certainly could be real girls who made a mistake and trusted a “Josh” who turned out to be a really bad guy. What makes this kind of movie effective is that while you are watching it do you believe it? I did. The “news footage” is a bit overdone and somewhat cheesy but you overlook it. Perhaps the most chilling scene (before the last 22 minutes which tested my tolerance for violence) is when Amy sits in her room, all alone, at night and “Josh” mocks her and tells her to shut her fat mouth. You can feel the isolation and complete fear that Amy has yet there is nothing she, a 14 year old, can do. She could tell her parents and they could call the police but who can stop a voice in a computer coming into your room and threatening you?

This movie, and I say this only hours after watching it, stays with you. I’ve told myself that it isn’t true. I’ve made my peace with the fact that the police probably aren’t as impotent to catch the predators out there. But this is one of the possibly the most horrific and truly scary films I’ve ever seen. Simply the fact that I know that “Josh” probably does exist can put that fear in me and that he could be a guy I met at work, or at a restaurant or in the line at the supermarket. Predators are everywhere and that scares the crap out of me. I can’t guarantee that this movie will affect you as it has me. Maybe you’ll think this is stupid but give it a shot. For what it is, Megan is Missing is a superb and disturbing movie. I bet most of you will have a “why is Mikey in corner?” moment from Blair Witch when you come upon Josh’s lair.   This movie scared and disturbed me and I mean that in a good way. After all, I signed up for it.

Mr. Unhappy sez: I’m not letting any daughter of mine on the internet or out of the house or out in public or near any men.

Updated 3-29-12: Following the disappearance of Sierra LaMar in Morgan Hill, CA I am reminded of this movie. Megan is Missing, sticks with me to this day when the sight of a missing teenager taken from her webcam or phone, brings me right back to the blue barrel. <shiver> 

Fighting the urge to go out and armbar some stranger....

Warrior

       When I was in my early 20’s I met a guy who insisted that UFC was the greatest thing since Mike Tyson was biting people’s ears off in the ring. I watched a video that he had of one of the Pay Per Views and I was thoroughly unimpressed. It was two big manly guys playing grab ass with each other and then laying on the mat until someone submitted or the fight was stopped. I never understood the fervor that inspired fans by the millions to drop money on this. MMA to me was just not worth it. I would rather just purchase a WWE event and at least be given some sort of storyline that I can follow. Perhaps that is just the movie lover in me. I want story with my fighting otherwise it just seems worthless. I do however wonder what life would be life if a scenario like The Running Man or The Hunger Games actually existed. Where people hunted each other on TV for sport. It would clear up our prison system and offer us sickos something to watch on off days from Baseball or the NFL. I’m just throwing it out there and seeing if it works for you. 

Yet the sport of MMA (and I will agree with the idea that Mixed Martial Arts is a sport) is the topic of the recently released movie Warrior, starring Tom Hardy (soon to be Bane in Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Rises) and Joel Edgerton (Uncle Owen from Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith) as brothers who thanks to their father’s (Nick Nolte) violence against their mother haven’t seen each other for years. Tommy (Hardy) has a troubled past after leaving his brother and father behind, including the mom’s death and a mysterious past with the Marines in Iraq that leads him back home to face his father and repay a debt to a fallen marine’s family. He impresses a trainer at the local gym (think Mickey’s gym from Rocky) and is entered into the main event MMA fighting grand prix style event Sparta, which involves a two night event in which you fight twice a night until the last man in a pool of 16 is left standing. He comes to his father for help to train him but really wants nothing to do with the old man but as Nolte growls “The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.” 

Brendan (Edgerton) meanwhile is teaching physics at a Philadelphia (and don’t think that aside to Rocky or The Fresh Prince of Bel Air is missed by me), raising his two daughters with Jennifer Morrison (most known as Cameron from House or Zoey from How I Met Your Mother’s latest season), and trying to figure out how to make his inflated mortgage payments before the bank takes his home in 90 days. His only answer is to fall back on his UFC background (he was a .500 Fighter back in the days before his kids) and fight in some local events. His standing with his father is just as precarious and when he decides to fight he contacts his former UFC trainer Frank to let him use his facilities and spar with some of the up and comers. While training with a main eventer, the superstar goes down and Brendan offers himself as the replacement for Sparta, thus setting up the eventual final showdown.

I know that some people will say that no new ground is being broken here but the story about the two brothers who don’t really even know who the other is and their drunken father trying desperately to reconcile with his family did make the story for me. This movie, about fighting, is cliche but not in a bad way. The fighting scenes seem accurate and exciting. While even the trailer will tell you that Tommy and Brendan will meet in the end, the journey to get to the last fight between brothers for the 5 million dollar prize is worth it. Seen through the eyes of his co-worker at school, his wife (who at first cannot stomach seeing her husband fight but can’t stand the not knowing), the wife of the fallen marine who Tommy pledges the prize money to, and Brendan’s students who take over the local drive in to watch their teacher fight, the movie makes the final match bittersweet. While you want someone to win, you (as a viewer) are torn between Tommy and Brendan. Tommy because you hope he can win so Pilar (Fallen Soldier cliche wife) can get the money to raise her children. Brendan because you don't want him to lose his house and part of you wants him to be able to stick it to the smarmy banker who insists that Brendan did this to himself. The fight is the climax of the movie but not the heart and at the end of the movie, you do have this feeling that things for both sides will work out.

There is real emotion in this movie and the story that packs a powerful punch (geez pardon that pun but I had to do it at least once) but I think it also satisfies the fans of MMA which seems much more interesting in this incarnation. I don’t think this will make me buy the next UFC pay per view but it gives me a certain respect for the sport. The family story is what sells the movie. You want the two brothers to reconcile and in some part you feel sorry for the old father who has lived a bad life and wants desperately to be forgiven by his family. The movie is summed up for me in one scene where Nolte goes to Brendan’s house and tries to have a conversation. As Brendan walks away, Nolte looks at the front door and sees his granddaughter’s, one of which he’s never seen, and cries out at them but they look at him and ask their father “Who is that old man?” It tells me all I need to know. This family is broken and oddly enough the violence that separated them is what brings them back together.

Mr. Unhappy Sez: Go for the violence, stay for the drama and for God’s sake don’t cry, ya pansies. 

The All Too Important Golden Unhappy awards of Freedom

Jennifer Morrison - The I am sleeping in full makeup, perfect hair and these lovely bikini panties award

AND

The Perfect Ass Award (M.I.L.F. Edition) for concerned wives worried about their husband’s fighting whilst wearing only a t-shirt and panties      

Tom Hardy - The I am a Broody Broody Brood Face Award

 

Kurt Angle - Ivan Drago Award for Russian Badassitude

Joel Edgerton - The You BEST Bring Me an Apple Award

Nick Nolte- The Lifetime Achievement in Growling Award

Fright Night and something soon this way comes...

Fright Night

Watching the way that vampire movies have been going you’d think that remaking a 80’s vampire slaughterfest would somehow be reimagined into a movie where the pretty girlfriend falls for Colin Farrell and he broods about it because he doesn’t want to harm the fragile human. OK that is the cynical viewpoint but the pussification (or is it Twilightification) of vampires in the cinema is making a true horror fan a little jaded. So what a pleasant surprise Fright Night turns out to be.

Set in Las Vegas, where a man who works at night and sleeps during the day would not seem peculiar, in a small housing community, Charley Brewster is looking to break out of his former loserdom and ignores the disappearance of his former friend because it does not help him keep the pretty girl next door that he feels he doesn’t deserve, Amy. Soon, Charley begins to suspect that his next door neighbor, Jerry (Farrell) is a vampire and to my surprise Jerry doesn’t deny it. Jerry begins to stalk and hunt Charley until finally (in a great play on the rules to a vampire entering a home) Charley is pushed so far that he has to find a way to fight back. In essence, he has to grow up and face responsibility.

Enter vampire slayer (and no it isn’t Buffy despite Buffy scribe Marti Noxon penning the script) and magician with a dark past Peter Vincent played superbly by Doctor Who’s former Doctor, David Tennant. Together they will fight the vampires and save Amy from the clutches of the evil vampire Jerry Dandridge. I can honestly say that the remake is different from the original (which starred Amanda Bearse as the sexy girlfriend, eek) but keeps the humor and wit from the original. This movie has some genuine scares and yet the mood is light and funny. In the end, while the usual ending occurs, the adventure in between is worth the time. Sometimes vampires can brood but most of the time, I prefer my vampires sucking the necks of the hot girl next door.

Mr. Unhappy Sez: Jerry is a good neighbor and were it not for all the mass murdering he’d be the perfect neighbor. 

The prestigious and seldom used GOLDEN UNHAPPIES!!!!

Imogen Poots - Cutest and most flatulent name in film

Dave Franco - Lil Brother to James but twice the douche

David Tennant - Most Screentime in a Speedo whilst scratching balls

Coming Soon...

Apollo 18

Looks promising but could go either way. Found footage movies are either done well with a little production value or lacking in story and not scary. I want it to be good and yet I have a pit in the bottom of my nether regions that tells me this movie is gonna be less than fabulous. On the other hand....

Paranormal Activity 3

The third installment of this found footage series goes back to the childhood of the star of the first movie. I am completely terrified at what this movie will do and so cannot wait to see it. The trailer gives us few clues as to what will happen (the way I like it) but when the girls film themselves playing bloody Mary and the screen goes dark save the little red light on the camera in the mirror, I slink into my chair and cover my eyes. This movie has already won me over. I’m scared and I wanna see more.

Real Steel

On first look at this trailer I thought “Oh boy another crappy Hugh Jackman movie.” Then I actually watched the trailer and saw that the movie may have a heart and the winning spirit of an underdog movie like Rocky. Sure, it is not gonna be as epic as Rocky but it may give you the emotional lift of say Sylvester Stallone’s epic Over the Top. There are parallels to the story. Boy and his father, sporting event, robots... waait a sec.

Until next time, faithful reader... yep...

Mr. Unhappy in 3-D!!!!!!!!!!!

When I was a child, I was enamored with the idea of 3-D movies. It seemed so out of this world to have an image from a movie screen come out of the screen at me. When I bought Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare it promised “3-D Included” and I rushed home to watch the movie prepped with my red and blue 3-D glasses and when the scene featuring 3-D came on, I excitedly put them on... and the image looked unchanged. Then there was a shimmer of 3-D and the image seemed to ghost out from my TV. It was a minor letdown but I read that there was new 3-D in the making with James Cameron leading the charge to the new era of 3-D. I saw Superman Returns in stunning IMAX 3-D and this movie gave me a little bit of what I was looking for. Rocks shot up mere feet from me, Superman lifted a boat out of the water and carried it out of the screen with ease. When I finally saw James Cameron’s Avatar in stunning 3-D, I was amazed at the world he created, coming towards me. The story was lacking but the visuals were stunning.

Then began the current era we are in, the 3-D Era, where any movie can be made (often poorly) into 3-D and a few more dollars can be squeezed from my wallet. I’ve often thought that if movies were to use the device of 3-D to create enrich the world they are creating then the few dollars more is worth it. Like that Superman Returns, where water seemed to drip into my lap as a ship rose before me or a kryptonite rock rose from the ocean and through the theater I was in. This part of the film enriched the film, put me inside a world where this is happening and made me part of the story. In stark contrast to that is a movie like Transformers 3: Return of the Explosion where the 3-D was a device to make explosions more explosionier. It added nothing and with a script as bad as that, it needed nothing. Take “The Last Airbender” which created a dim, unbelievable world and then added 3-D to make it dimmer and headachy.

A part of me wishes that 3-D was as cool as the 10 year old in me wanted it to be. Yet all I get now from 3-D is a harder to see movie and a slight pain in my head. 

Let’s look at what 3-D has done for me lately...

1. Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides

Captain Jack jumps through the screen and promptly puts me right to sleep. I haven’t been this bored by a movie since Star Trek 5: The Undiscovered Country. The 3-D is used properly and does add what little it can to the story but I could have easily seen this movie without it and enjoyed it about the same. The important part of any Pirates movie is Captain Jack and with this movie, he was underutilized and unimportant to the story. You can’t throw Captain Jack in anywhere and expect a great movie because you have special effects and a spiffy 3-D camera. Give us a story and we’re there with you, 3-D will only enhance it.

2. Transformers 3

Do I really have to bombard my brain with this garbage again. 3-D was not useful and simply raped further funds from my wallet. I'm still waiting for the por parody that might have something to offer me... you know Transformers: Dark Of the Poon...too soon?

3. Green Lantern

I saw Green Lantern in 2-D and 3-D. Both offered me a substandard story and a green guy in a suit fighting some mentally challenged guy who had a sweaty massive head. If I wanted that I could have gone to the gym and watched some porn. That came out wrong.

4. Thor

The one with the hammer. Yeah that is about all that I found memorable from Thor. I liked the movie just fine but the story on Earth with Natalie Portman broke my one simple rule for Natalie Portman movies.... don’t make Natalie Portman’s character useless. However this is probably not Kenneth Branaugh’s fault. He created a visually superb world in Asgard and I was so engaged in the story there (with 3-D) that when the story shifted to bland New Mexico, I wanted to go back to the shiny organ pipe world. Still, I can offer no reason why this movie NEEDED to be done in 3-D but of the films I’ve seen, this was probably the most inoffensive 3-D movie of the lot.

5. Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2

Now we all know my love of all things Harry Potter. So much so that I have taken some time between reviews to let me wizard geek out subside so I can give you an accurate review. In 2-D the movie offered the story of young Harry Potter facing the powerful Lord Voldemort in the epic final battle of Hogwarts. I was enthralled and when the movie ended I felt as though the story was over and I’ve seen all of the world of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry that I needed to. In 3-D the movie offered the story of young Harry Potter facing the powerful Lord Voldemort in the epic final battle of Hogwarts. I was enthralled and when the movie ended I felt as though the story was over and I’ve seen all of the world of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry that I needed to. I think you see where I am going here.

6. Final Destination 5

In Final Destination 5, a group of people survive a bridge collapse because one of the six survivors has a vision of the horrific events to come. This vision is the first act of the movie and it is full of 3-D gore and pain but somewhere around the middle of the movie, they seem to forget the 3-D and great shots like the girl being impaled on the mast of a boat beneath the falling bridge IN YOUR FACE is lost and the deaths become more routine and a less impressive as time goes on. I liked the movie and would recommend it to people who enjoy the good deaths in the previous installments of the Final Destination franchise but to shell out 3 dollars more for a pair of Tom Cruise in Risky Business glasses and a headache... I say save the 3 bucks because we are in a down economy. 3-D, while I wish it were worth it, really just makes me feel as though I was punched in the face without being punched in the face... or the satisfaction of being able to punch someone back.

Why I am over Cowboys and Aliens

Plastering a movie trailer and posters and commercials all over the airwaves is nothing new. So when the summer comes and the temperatures start to rise, the movies become bigger, faster, air-conditionered. It began, as far as I can remember, with Batman and then Titanic began the process of showing 10 minutes of the movie in the trailer and therefore ruining the story (which in the case of the Titanic involved the shocking ending). I have more or less moved on and have since given up not knowing what is going to happen in movies. It just isn’t worth the effort to avoid the endless commercials and 20 minutes of trailers at the beginning of every movie make repeat customers of a lot of movie trailers. So someone like me who sees a inordinate amount of movies, it becomes a problem fast if say you start running a trailer 1 year out from the release of the movie and begin a media blitz 6 months from release.

Enter this year’s dead horse staggering to finish being beaten by the time of release (and not in a happy ending type way): Cowboys and Aliens. 

This movie begins on Friday but why do I have this eerie sense that the movie is pretty much gonna suck and be comprised of all the good moments that have been making the rounds on every TV station they can bribe into adding a special look into? WWE Monday Night Raw presents a special look at Cowboys and Aliens. Deadliest Catch now gives you a special advance look at Cowboys and Aliens. Martha Stewart Living builds a diorama of the scene where Daniel Craig uses his wrist guard to blast an alien ship out of the sky and then offers you a look at the new trailer, same as the old trailer except a tantalizing look at the naked shoulders of 13 from House (seriously what is her name?). ICarly offers you a special look at the stars of ICarly playing the characters from Cowboys and Aliens. And on and on. Seriously, I don’t even really want to see this movie anymore.

I have many reasons...

1. Over Saturation

From the makers of Iron Man comes this summers new not Iron Man. With the star of Star Wars and Indiana Jones, you get Not Han Solo or Indian Jones. I have not had a commercial break recently that hasn’t offered me some sort of special report on why Cowboys and Aliens will be this summers Dark Knight. Yet here is what made the Dark Knight so great. You didn’t know exactly what was gonna happen before it happened. You only had a few glimpses of what would be the best performance of Heath Ledger’s short life (although give credit where credit is due 10 Things I Hate About You was probably a close second). The story was kept under wraps and by the time the movie hit, people were so frothed up and wanting that whatever the movie delivered was gonna be epic. With Cowboys and Aliens, the only two things that can be delivered is that this movie is as good as the trailer/first look/dioramas and the Domino’s special Cowboy’s and Aliens Collector Pizza Boxes. I could be wrong but isn’t it more likely to disappoint than leave us in awe.

2. Harrison Ford

I know it is near blasphemy to disparage the man who may or may not have shot first. The man with the fedora an whip is a near icon in this industry but I dare to say that he and Al Pacino share a rather embarrassing honor. They haven’t made a respectable movie for about 10 years. Morning Glory, Extreme Measures, Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull, Firewall, Water to Wine, K-19: The Widowmaker, Hollywood Homicide(yeesh), What Lies Beneath, Random Hearts, and Six Days and Seven Nights. All these movies span back to Air Force One which to consider it a good movie is arguable at best in most circles. At this point, Han Solo’s bad ass nature is more past than present in the man’s work today. Although The Crystal Skull is probably more Shia LeBeouf’s fault than Harrison’s but can you really say it was good? I don’t mean to bash Harrison Ford’s acting but after 10 years of picking bad roles isn’t this movie more likely to be to Harrison Ford what Snakes on a Plane was to Samuel L. Jackson? A lukewarm entertainment spectacle.

3. A Iron Man Legacy

The most talked about thing other than Steven Speilberg’s thumbs up is “From the Director of Iron Man”. John Favreau made Iron Man a good movie not a great movie and Iron Man 2 was still only slightly better than say Thor. I liked Iron Man but the only thing John Favreau did was cast the movie well. He didn’t make the movie better by punching up the script or having amazing shots or an ability to tell a story through the screen. He did a competent job of not getting in the way of Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, and The Dude. Yes, I like John Favreau but face it since Swingers he hasn’t been able to kill the bunny. He’s been the PG-13 guy who you really hope gets the girl. Suffice to say, toting that the director of Iron Man as though it means something, is a bad sign that with Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford, he still is just batting the bunny around.

*To those who don’t understand, watch Swingers*

4. 13 From House

What has she done? Tron: Legacy (a passable movie) and a few movies which honestly I can’t remember because I was probably too focused on other parts of her than the movie. She’s the new Megan Fox (sorry Rosie from Transformers 3) with a better body and better set of acting chops. Yes, I find her hot. Yes, I want to see her naughty bits. So why see your movie? Well she shows her naked shoulders and gives you a tease of her being naked. Yet I’m probably gonna be dry humped and left with a shot of Harrison’s ass and those sweet tanned shoulders they’ve already shown me. Something gives me a Jonah Hex vibe and believe me, that’s not a good thing.

So to finish, am I gonna see it? Yes, I will probably be in the theater, hoping that my worst fears are not realized only to be left with nothing to show for my $10.75 except a flimsy ticket stub and sharp pain in my ass where they bent me over and raped me. Yes, this is a harsh criticism but between Cowboys and Aliens and Crazy Stupid Love, I’d rather see the Goslinator and crew teach me about love.

Of course that is just my opinion... I’m sure it will make 150 million dollars. At least it isn’t in 3-D...

Quick Hits: Out Now

Horrible Bosses

Throw Momma From the Train meets Office Space and Swimming With Sharks. Kevin Spacey rocks this performance as though he’s played it before... oh wait. Yet the best part is watching Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis and Jason Bateman attempt to rationalize killing their bosses. It taps into something that anyone can relate to, hating your boss and gives you little psychopaths the chance to fulfill your murderous desires. 

Mr. Unhappy Sez: Enjoy the humor and plot your own bosses demise... but I’m still trying to figure out what Charlie Day’s character was upset about. Damnit Jennifer Aniston is trying to have sex with me! 

Friends With Benefits

This movie flaunts itself as a change of pace on the romantic comedy. Yes the two main leads have sex before that infinite first kiss but this movie follows the formula as much as any RomCom. I liked seeing Mila Kunis is various states of undress and the situations the movie presents are funny. The heart of the movie comes from the places where you see inside the lives of the characters through their family lives and you begin to wonder how you could expect to be normal after surviving their respective family problems. What this movie says best is that if you stop trying to ruin it, love can make a lot of problems seem less substantial than they really are. I wish my last girlfriend knew that.

Mr. Unhappy Sez: Worth the price of admission but loses serious credibility for using that damn “Hey, Soul Sister” song.

Captain America

The movie tells a great story about a bunch of characters that we now love but will never see again. Set in 1945 Europe the rise of the first Avenger, Captain America is a rousing tale and let’s Hugo Weaving fall back into his maniacal bad guy with a purpose. He hasn’t been this evil since he uttered the words “Mr. Anderson”. Captain America makes a positive addition to superhero movies as a whole and after Thor and Green Lantern, we needed it. Again, 3-D is probably not necessary so save those extra couple of dollars and see a good movie instead of a ok experience.

Mr. Unhappy Sez: Do you like superheroes? Captain America doesn’t disappoint. Are you not into superheroes? Captain America doesn’t disappoint.  

And for the record I know this is Olivia Wilde...

but she'll always be 13 to me... that sounded dirty.

Harry Pottheads UNITE!

     When I was 22, I was working at movie theater. It was probably the best job I had if not the most profitable. The best part (when I started) was that it came with free movie tickets and by 2001 I had moved to the position of Assistant Manager which gave me a perk I could never have imagined. I was actually paid (overtime) for watching the new movies before they came out. God what a dream job Roger Ebert or other paid movie critics have. The only problem was that sometimes you were stuck watching a Princess Diaries or a  Dragon-ball Z live action movie. So when Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone came out, I was less than enthused to sit and watch the 2 hour plus movie but that was the sacrifice I was willing to make for 15 dollars an hour.

But the movie was good. I found myself investing in Harry, Ron and Hermione (a name I had never heard before) and wondering what the books must be like. So when the movie ended at 2:30 in the morning, I closed everything down and went online and ordered the first 4 books. Soon, I was delving into the stories coming out of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with the kind of zeal a 22 year old should not have for a kid’s book. Yet Harry Potter was more than that and by the time Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets had come out, I was ready and new these characters well. I enjoyed the performances of Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson, who embodied those characters in ways that were familiar and different from those in the books. Therefore each film gave me new things to love about the world and characters I had become friends with in the books.

So with the films coming to an end I thought I would look back on each of the films and give you a thought or two.

Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone

The first and probably the worst of the movies. Daniel Radcliffe and the gang were not really actors so you have to forgive them for not really moving the story along. Not to mention that this is the origin story and most if not all origin movies suffer  from having to explain the world to the viewer. This movie did it better than most and brought people like me to the books who could explain it better and more organically. My only complaint is the oh so gay moment when Harry wakes on Christmas Day and runs to the common room to say “Happy Christmas Ron.” Other than that, the element of danger presented to these kids keeps you engaged and wondering how someone who knows very little magic can complete the adventures they find themselves thrust into. As someone who hasn’t read the books, I was genuinely surprised by the final battle and it thrust me into reading the books which is really what a good movie made from a book should do as well as create a great retelling for the excited fans of the series. 

Mr. Unhappy sez:  For fueling my Potter lovin... I give Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone 4 wands out of five.

Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets

The kids are a little bit older and the film is a little bit darker. Yet even as you watched this movie, the children had grown as actors, Bonnie Wright as Ginny Weasley is introduced and put immediately in peril, and while still a kid’s movie, the series is setting the tone for the stories still to come. Chris Columbus weaves the tale of Harry’s second year with the same level of story he used in the first; slightly immature and grounded in a world where none of the main characters are ever in any real danger. What marks this movie is the untimely passing of Richard Harris who played ultimate wizard Dumbledore. While Michael Gambon was great as Harry’s ultimate teacher and mentor, Harris set the groundwork and his Dumbledore is the closest of any character in the movies to the character in my head. He is my Dumbledore.

Mr. Unhappy sez:  Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets receives 3 out of 5 wands just because it was no better or worse than the first movie but lacked the freshness of the first. Still a great movie but a little like day old bread. ez:

Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban

The series comes out of the kid movie closet and gets a little darker. Chris Columbus, having set the groundwork, stepped away to allow Alfonso Cuaron to handle the directing. Radcliffe, Grint and Watson grow up immensely in this movie and the beauty that Emma Watson would grow into was first glimpsed here. Adding to the cast with the best bad guy ever Gary Oldman as Sirius Black, the movie condensed the book in under 2 hours. This left me wanting as the book was my favorite of the series so far. I think this was the only movie in the series that I exited unfulfilled. I liked the movie and enjoyed the story but the ending seemed rushed in a way that it wasn’t in the book. 

And despite that... 

Mr. Unhappy Sez: I give this 4 out of 5 wands because it broke the monotony of the first two movies and allowed the kids to become actors rather than kids who looked like the characters. See Emma Watson in HP1 and then see her in HP 3. My little Hermione is all growns up.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

The movie responsible for all those Team Edward girls sighs and all the Team Jacob hissing. Robert Pattinson makes his first appearance in a movie actually seen by the American public. He also marks the first person to die in a Harry Potter movie (don’t worry, his hair was only briefly in danger. As in the book, the world is expanded to show the wizarding world outside of England. Some storylines were jettisoned in favor of timeliness and the desire to focus the story to Harry himself. Ralph Fienes first appearance as Voldemort presents actual danger to characters we love and gives the film a sense of impending doom. You knew by the end of this film that no one was safe. While I doubted that Harry himself would die, the rest of the cast was suddenly cast into a place where they could be disposed of at any moment. Also the addition of Brendan Gleason as Professor Moody gave us a character who was both scary and the one person you’d want on your side in a fight.

Mr. Unhappy sez: The Goblet of Fire accomplishes killing R-Patz for all the Team Jacob ladies and delivers a great movie. 4.5 Out of 5 wands.

Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix

Dealing with death, paranoia and the cost of fame, The Order of the Phoenix squarely puts Harry in the hands of adults that cannot and do not want to protect him. The pink and bubbly Delores Umbridge comes to Hogwarts and steals Dumbledore’s job out from under him and makes the great wizard a fugitive. Harry’s safety net is gone, so he has to stand on his own two feet as does Daniel Radcliffe who performs admirably. It marks the first inkling of sexuality into the films as Harry struggles with his feelings for Cho Chang (R-Patz’s girlfriend in Goblet) and leads to Harry’s first kiss. The movie is chaste (only a few snogs, as they call kisses) but treat the changing teenagers go through with better than most teen movies. One of the best features of these films is watching as the kids grow into adults, mirrors the audiences growth with them. This movie is, by me, most fondly remembered as the movie in which we see Dumbledore be the baddest wizard on the planet. When Voldemort tries to kill Harry for the umpteenth time, Dumbledore steps up and takes on the dark lord. For an old ass man, the guy can throw his magic.

Mr. Unhappy sez: The loss of Gary Oldman to the series makes me tear up a little to this day... but it gets 4.75 Out of 5 stars.

Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince

This is Voldemort’s film. If you ever had any curiosity of who he was before he became the evil serpentine monster he is, this is the movie to watch. We see how Dumbledore came to invite him to attend Hogwarts, how he tricked a professor into telling him about a piece of dark magic called a horcrux and we learn that even as a boy, Tom Riddle (the future Voldemort) was just as sadistic as his future self would become. The romantic entanglements become more confused as Hermione struggles with Ron’s new girlfriend and Harry falls for Ron’s sister, Ginny. As the story grow more adult, the story begins to set up the final two films as Harry begins to hunt horcruxes (or the pieces of Voldemort’s soul that keep him alive) and realizes that as he fights VOldemort, those he love are put in more danger. When he finally loses for good one of the last safety nets he has left (SPOILER ALERT) with Dumbledore’s death, Harry has to trust in himself and it marks the first moments of Harry’s adult life. It is the beginning of the end and is the Empire of the Harry Potter story. In the end... 

Mr. Unhappy sez: Loss and love are all rolled into one in this movie, it is a glorious beginning to the wonderful end. 5 of 5 wands.

Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1

Dumbledore is dead, Voldemort is infiltrating the Ministry of Magic, and Severus Snape is the new headmaster at Hogwarts. Luckily for our lightning scarred hero he is not attending his final year at the school of magic. Instead Harry, Ron and Hermione are off to hunt down the remaining horcruxes and destroy them so that eventually Harry can destroy Voldemort. The end is near and in this movie we see the problems left by Dumbledore at the end of the last film. Harry is still a young man and maybe in over his head without the knowledge that Dumbledore was always there to give him. What I enjoyed about this movie was the simple moments of the kids together. They have been through so sh*t and in the end of the story it is their ability to stay together that gives them a chance to succeed. Also, the movie returns the eminent danger to any character outside of the pivotal three. One of the Weasley twins loses an ear and a beloved character (at least by me) is killed off screen with only a mention and this occurs in the first 15 minutes. This movie is the beginning of the goodbye and when you reach the end of the film, the sense of loss and time running out is palpable.

Mr. Unhappy Sez: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 is glorious and while probably a little boring at the middle, gives you the sense that you have gone on a journey. At the end of a 8 film series, it is nice to be reminded that you too have gone on the journey with them. 5 of 5 wands.   

Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2

The end is here my friends and it arrives in Part 2 of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I walked into this movie hoping for the best and expecting my expectations to not be met by the crew in Harry Potter land. Yet here is the funny thing. They exceeded them. I was blown away by how much this movie got it. While the book could carry on with telling plot, movies need to show it and this movie visualizes everything I felt and saw in the book. Granted they had to cut down on some of the secondary storylines but really isn’t this story about two characters... For you dense people I’m talking about Harry and Voldemort. No offense to J.K. Rowling but the last book could just as easily been titled Harry Potter Versus Voldemort. 

So What of it? What of this epic battle between good and evil? It is worth seven uneven movies. At the end of this movie I was able to look back on it and realize that the seven movies all served to make this movie worth it all. The movie studio created a world and gave us characters who we fell in love with. Now as the darkness grew over the story, I could feel myself beginning to root for those characters. I wanted to see my side win and their side lose. Somewhere I was enthralled by Harry, Hermione and Ron. By Mrs. Weasley, Mr. Weasley and Ginny. Their peril became my peril and their losses (and there are losses in this one) were mine. I could feel the pain and loss of people that were my friends. It was not a cutting pain or a real loss but there is a loss there. The movie reminded me, as did the book, that when I  was nearing the final pages that I began to dread the final words on the page. While this movie may not live up to what you Pottheads believe it should be, it lived up to my expectations and seemed to live up to the audience I saw it with expectations. 

This movie is shot in 3D but it doesn’t need it. I almost feel as though the studio threw it at David Yates and said “You need to use this! It’s so awesome!” The battle scenes are great, and since I saw it in 2D, I hope to see what the 3D did to it. Yet all of this is secondary. What you need to know is that this movie, all seven of them in fact, are worth it. This film wraps everything up perfectly. You can see the hard work of the kids, Alan Rickman, Michael Gambon, Helena Bonham Carter, and all the rest of the actors. You feel complete and when the credits rolled, I wiped a tear from my eye and said goodbye to my good friends.

Mr. Unhappy for the final time in Harry Potterland sez: When the end comes to Harry Potter, I realized that what the movies did was enhance the books. And not to sound too lame... it was magic.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 - 5 of 5 wands

Harry Potter and the whole damn series.... 10 out of 5 wands

It is just that good.