Equalizing the world

The Equalizer

TV from the 1980's was full of shows involving revenge or sticking up for the little person. One of those shows was The Equalizer which involved and old man in a trench coat who would help the helpless and equalize the odds for the little man. Now in 2014 Denzel Washington pulls on a black outfit and does it for our generation. This one is more violent, more real, and ultimately awesome. In movies like Training Day (this film is directed by Training Day's Antoine Fuqua), Man on Fire, and Safe House, Denzel has excelled at playing bad ass. Simple. You mess with him, you are probably not gonna survive this movie. It is a calling card. The Equalizer is just as satisfying as Man on Fire but lacks the emotional connection of Man on Fire between Creasy and Dakota Fanning's Pitta. Still you can just enjoy the violence and bad assery of a Denzel Washington going up against the worst of odds but still having the upper hand.

Denzel stars as Robert McCall, a mild mannered worker at a Home Depot like store. He lives his life in peace, going to work, coming home, reading his books and not sleeping well. Since he can't sleep he finds himself at a diner drinking tea and engaging (verbally not sexually you pervs) with a teenage hooker named Teri (Chloe Grace Moretz). He also helps a co-worker get in shape so he can become a security guard at the home depot like store...ok let's just call it what it is...this place is a home depot. Don't bullshit me into thinking it's a Home Smart or any other tool store. Come on. When Teri stops showing up after Robert witnesses her pimp forcibly remove her, he learns that she was beaten and put into the hospital. Robert, a man with a past, can help but should he. Of course he is going to. The rest kind of spirals away from that. Robert visits the pimp, a low level Russian mobster, and ends up killing five people. It isn't long before Robert is up against it with the Russian mob and a devious little sociopath named Teddy (Marton Csokas) who is sent to deal with the problem caused by 5 dead men. 

 

The fatal flaw of any man in this type of movie is not realizing the total lack of fear the bad ass character has. Any time a man stands around while people pull guns and knives and he is outnumbered 5-1, you might want to pay attention to him. Hell if one of those guys just pulls his gun and shoots him in the opening scene, movie over...nothing equalized. Of course they don't by reason of movies...but sometimes you just wonder if they would bother to realize that a man probably doesn't walk into a deadly situation without a reasonable plan. I mean, stop, think, shoot. It's that easy. I liked the Equalizer for what it was. Denzel is steely and a bad ass. Chloe Grace Moretz plays a hooker well...is that a good thing? Isn't she a bit young to be a prostitute? Maybe that's the point? Teddy is a well formed psycho who just finds himself out psychoed by Denzel Washington. There are moments in this movie where you say "Why didn't they just kill him there?" or "Why are they taking hostages? Just kill them...same point made." These are all things you can overlook because you want to seem Denzel turn the Home Depot into a maze of death. Sure the bad guys have guns but he has a plethora of everyday items to kill you with. 

 

I'd wish that there was a little more build up to the turn to bad ass. One thing I love about Man On Fire is the movie spends 45 minutes letting you get to know the family and fall in love with Dakota Fanning as Denzel's Creasy does. Then when they kidnap her, you as a viewer want revenge, want to see a man with a bomb up his ass get blowed up. Man on Fire was an effective movie and The Equalizer continues on in that vain. Spending a few minutes with Chloe Grace Moretz's plucky wanna be singer prostitute does not equal connection with her character. Why would Robert McCall give up the life he has for a girl he barely knows? These are issues with the movie but in the end, does it really matter why he does what he does? He's standing up for people. He's helping to equalize the world a little bit and killing the people who need to be killed. They do it well here... and that's enough for me. Is it enough for you?

 

Mr. Unhappy sez: Satisfied but not overwhelmingly so...who cares? Bad guys got killed in awesome ways. That's enough for little old Mr. Unhappy.

Walrus Yes or Walrus No?

Tusk

I've been a Kevin Smith fan for a long time now and as he's gotten older, his message has changed and he's become a champion of creativity more than anything else. His message is that if you just do something, take a step into what you want to do, you will get it. It's the constant drum of the world to keep creative people down and make them feel ashamed of their talent. As though if you can't write the great American novel or the next Citizen Kane (which I still see as a good not great film), your voice is meaningless. Kevin has broken that down. After a few missteps, the underrated but critically lambasted Jersey Girl and Cop Out (which was basically as it's title implied) he's come back with a some might say better than the original Clerks 2 and the under seen Red State (check that out on Netflix if you've ever wanted a realistically evil view of the Westboro Baptist Church.) On Friday, Kevin Smith gave us Tusk, a deranged tale from the great white north. 

What started as a Podcast on Kevin's Smodcast network (if you haven't checked them out I would recommend them greatly) which is alluded to throughout tusk. Fans of the podcasts will see the inside jokes and non fans won't feel as though they are not let in on the joke. The story is based off of a news story (truth or fiction I know not) about a man in Canada offering free room and board and the promise of great stories and tales of the adventures he's been on in his long life. The only caveat is that the man would have to dress for an hour a day as a walrus and speak in walrus tones. What those are, I do not know. It captured the imagination and from it came a tale of a Los Angeles Podcaster ( Justin Long) who for his podcast travels to Canada to seek out a weird tale to bring home with him. He happens across a flyer in the bathroom of a Canadian bar which offers him the exact opportunity he is looking for. Driving two hours at night he arrives at the home of Howard Howe, an eccentric old man who over glasses of tea, tells of meeting Ernest Hemingway and the story of the best friend he ever found, a walrus who saved him from a shipwreck named Mr. Tusk. As you may guess, not all is right in the land of Manitoba. If you've heard about the movie, you may know the outcome. For those of you who have been left in the dark, I'd only say that what occurs is disturbing and undoubtedly odd. 

What makes this and all Kevin Smith movies good, are that there is an underlying level of humor underneath it all. Funny moments, quirky characters, and people from Kevin's life pop up throughout. Look for Kevin's wife, his daughter and the daughter of Johnny Depp to show up. Also a surprising cameo from Canadian legend Guy LaPointe. I'd also like to welcome back Haley Joel Osment ( the kid with the dead people seeing) who is strong as Long's partner in podcastery. The promise of his youth has become the talent of his adulthood. Genesis Rodriguez offers just the right amount of scared girlfriend/ guilty partner desperately searching for Justin Long's Wallace.  Not to mention she is not hard to look at. It is Justin Long and Michael Parks that make the movie. The long terrifying takes of Michael Parks telling stories to Long's Wallace provide the right amount of depth and character to scare you simply with his voice. It is a wavy tittering tone that gets to your bones. Justin Long, while not having a lot of dialogue in the latter half of the movie, remains just as captivating as he watches his life unravel and brings a tear to your eye as you see his quiet desperation. To take a talented talker like Long and take away his voice is a bold choice that pays of big.

This is part one of a planned trilogy continuing with the same cast of characters in different roles. Yoga Hosers (starring Harley Quinn Smith and Lily Rose Depp as their convenience store clerk characters from Tusk) is filming right now and Smith will end with Moose Jaws (which is basically Jaws except with a moose). All the same actors will be in the next two movies much the way American Horror Story recycles the actors into new stories season after season. Given the promise and likability of this cast, I can hardly wait to see where it goes. Indeed Smith, who loves Star Wars and Batman, has created a new universe worth watching. I wonder if when his tales are all told if we will look at him with a new reverence as a film maker or just a guy who made us laugh with dick and fart jokes.  I'm sure to Kevin Smith, he won't care one way or another. It's all about creating and doing the stories he wants to do. He's been an inspiration to me, giving me the thought of doing this blog (of which I do sparsely and inconsistently.) 

 

Tusk as a stand alone film, is an awesome movie, less disgusting than The Human Centipede but in the same arena. Walking out of the theater, I chuckled and shook my head at the genius of this movie. It can make you laugh, cry and be completely disturbed. Michael Parks deserves recognition for playing such demanding psychotic characters. But it is Kevin Smith, who retired from film making a few years ago due in part to the lack of creativity and enjoyment in making movies. He's come back with Red State and now with Tusk he has proven that you do not need the Hollywood system to make a great movie, you just need to sit around with your friends, talk a little bit and then use your own sick disturbed mind. 

Mr. Unhappy sez: If you are a fan of Kevin Smith or just want to see some disturbing and funny shit...Tusk is your movie. As Wallace says desperately into his phone... "I don't want to die in Canada."  #Walrusyes

Remembering Robin Williams...my way

1951-2014

"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing."

-Mark Twain

It seems as though these days we seem to be doing a lot of these memorial posts. I've just gotten over the loss of Phillip Seymour Hoffman and now we lose another monster talent in Robin Williams. Say what you will of the reasons behind his death or the past demons he had to face, the man was a talented, funny, sweet, giving man and I cannot imagine a world without his talent in it. I don't want to dwell on the man's end but would rather look back at the movies he made, more accurately the movies he's made that maybe you didn't see so that you might be able to go back and find a new movie that can add to the remembrance of the man's work and not his death. RIP Robin Williams, you already had a special place carved out in heaven but you arrived a little too soon.

The Night Listener

This movie is one of those movies that if it hadn't been recommended to you, you probably haven't seen it. I happened across this movie at Blockbuster one night and was transfixed by the performance Robin Williams gives. A radio host who is in the midst of a divorce and is losing his life becomes engaged again by a young fan and his horrible stories. Bent to save him, he travels to Wisconsin to find him. It is a thriller with a few twists and turns that you don't see coming. It is notable that Robin Williams carries the movie and engages the viewer. It echoes some of his own troubles with depression as you'll see in a lot of these movies on the list. The Night Listener was a story that made you think, was smart, and had a good story but was dependent on it's lead actor. In that, Williams delivers and I've long thought it was an overlooked movie. 

Mr. Unhappy sez: The movie is far from perfect but it shows the dramatic side and skill with which Robin Williams worked.

 

The Final Cut

Final Cut is set in the near future where every moment of your life can be captured through a camera in your optic nerve. When you die a cutter will edit together your life into a memorial service that shows all the good and usually eliminates the bad. Robin Williams plays Alan Hackman, a cutter who never turns down an assignment. When he is given a high profile cut, he is approached by people who oppose his profession to turn over the footage so they can show the man as he was rather than how he is. Robin Williams delivers a subtle performance as a solitary man who is terrified of a past mistake that he lives his life through the film he cuts. There is a quiet subtlety that Williams portrays in this movie that seemed to speak to me. He lived so much in the lives of others, that his own life became tragic and lonely.  Not only is Robin Williams good in this movie but the story is haunting and smart. It keeps you on your toes and makes you think. 

Mr. Unhappy sez: The Final Cut gives us a look at how we live our lives and the scenes we might not want people to see. A diamond in the rough, worth seeing.

 

One Hour Photo

This movie is perhaps the most terrifying movie Robin Williams ever made. He plays Sy Parrish, the family photo developer. He sees your lives through the pictures you take and quite honestly falls in love with one family. It is a movie about the descent of a man who is already on the brink. The man who develops your photos was a secret keeper. He knew when you had a birthday, an anniversary, a naughty moment with your lover, and when you have a new member of the family. He quite literally sees your life. Sy is a complex character and Williams took it to a level that got under your skin. I still see him sitting in the living room of the family he's "adopted" and imagining the fun and happiness he could have in his life with them that is so seriously lacking from his own.  It is a sad disturbing movie that showcases Robin Williams at his best. A must see if you love Robin Williams.

Mr. Unhappy sez: See this one! One Hour Photo is one of the best Robin Williams movies I've seen. It is not the happiest of movies but they don't call me Mr. Unhappy for a reason.

Bicentennial Man

I feel I've cast a down note on Robin Williams career so far. Here, with Bicentennial Man, I lighten up the list for a moment. Don't worry, I'll bring you down with the last offering. This is the story of  Andrew, a robot who develops the desire to be human. We follow his life through 200 years as he starts as a servant and grows till his death as a human being. I love this movie solely for the love story. Andrew grows up with a family with two kids. The eldest despises him and the youngest "little miss" loves him as part of their family. As he lives he realizes that he is not like the others of his kind. He wants more out of his life. He wants to feel and express himself. Soon he returns to his family home to find "little miss" has grown and lived a life while he searched for himself. It is a story on life and love and what it really means to be a human being. Yes, there is a level of schmaltz and if you don't tear up at least once, you may want to take a test to see if you have other signs of being a sociopath. I know that I could watch this movie an unending amount of times and still enjoy it. There is a lightness and friendly nature to this movie and it will break your heart every time you watch it.

Mr. Unhappy sez: I love this movie. It touches me and makes me believe in love and humanity again. I don't take that lightly. If you ever thought this was a Robin Williams movie you should skip, you need to readjust your viewpoint. This is one that most expresses the man I want to remember.

What Dreams May Come

Given the news of the day, this is perhaps the most on the head movie of the group. It conveys a man, struck down in the prime of his life, leaving behind a wife and children who love him. It is a love story and a death story. It is a story about life and what happens when it ends. Robin Williams plays Chris Nielsen, a doctor who dies in an automobile accident and finds out what is on the other side. As he waits for his wife to join him, he builds a life in one of his wife's paintings and creates his own personal heaven. His dog is there, his best friend is there, and he has whatever he needs or could want. He loves his wife and learns that she has been sent to Purgatory after killing herself, he travels through the levels of hell to rescue her and bring her to the home he's built. It is a touching melodramatic view of death. I don't know if I agree that this is what happens when someone dies but in moments like this, I kind of wish it was. We'll all see this part of the story when it happens. Maybe it is only darkness and you cease to be. I'd like to believe this is not all there is. I'd like to believe that when I die, I'll see my mother, my family and all those I loved and lost. That I might see those I love and be able to say goodbye one last time. What Dreams May Come seems like an over the top movie about all the wonderful goodness of death. It may be but it also is the story of what we all wish death could be. 

 

Mr. Unhappy sez: I don't know of any movie about heaven that made as much sense as this. Maybe I'm a schmaltzy guy... this movie might make you one too.

I don't know what to say about the shocking death of Robin Williams. I have my viewpoints and my opinions but today, I just want to remember a man who entertained, gave laughter, and gave himself to everything he did. He was a great man, a great actor and from what I hear, a great human being. I hope he knew that in the end. How loved he was and how many hearts he would break with his passing. It hurts a little. I'm man enough to admit that. I wish we had more time but that's nothing knew. Life rarely lets you go when you want. I only wish that when I go, I remember how loved I am and how much love I gave to others. It's an admirable goal. Robin Williams achieved it. That's how I remember him. RIP sir, you touched us all.

For your consideration...

I've been busy trying to find legitimate work for a month or two so I haven't updated my blog recently. Not an excuse just a necessity as Pete has to eat. I have seen a few movies...three of them are still in theaters So I thought, just because...I'd give you a quick hit on three Summer movies that you've probably already seen and one made for cable movie your should.

Guardians of The Galaxy

So there is this company called Marvel Comics and they decided to make some movies based on their silly comic strips. Needless to say, if you haven't been coming in your pants to see this movie, I'd ask what kind of life you have. There is little that needs to be said about this movie. Chris Pratt stars as Peter Quill (AKA Star Lord), an earthling who as a child was taken into the other side of the galaxy and raised to be a criminal.  Soon Rocket (a genetically enhanced raccoon) and Groot a living tree are tracking Quill to claim a bounty on his head. So is Gamora, a green skinned assassin who is sent to get an orb that Peter stole. They end up...through malady and circumstance on the wrong side of everything and need to save the galaxy. Marvel really has upped the game in super hero movies and this movie ups it more. Think of The Avengers with humor and a killer soundtrack. I was impressed with the humor in this movie and the number of times I wanted to cheer (a cardinal sin in the Unhappy guide to watching movies in theaters). As with any Marvel movie, there is a bit of convenience to the story and overall they've set it up for a sequel nicely. I cannot think of anything that bothered me about the movie. 

Mr. Unhappy sez: I am groot. Which means...when Marvel makes a movie you hand them your money and say "Yes sir, may I have another!" 

Rise of the Planet of The Apes

So where did we leave off with our ape pals at the end of Rise of the Planet of the Apes? A vicious disease had wiped out 90 percent of the human population, a group of good gathered in colorado...wait that's not right.  Caesar and his band of intelligent apes fought for the right to live and eventually took to Muir Woods and the human race had died to a virus. Years have passed and humans haven't been seen in Apeville for a long time. Soon the humans come to use the hydroelectric power in a dam located somewhere in Muir Woods? Not sure that exists but I'm in. Caesar and the apes have lived in peace and become quite the little apemunity but with men now encroaching on their land, the apes must decide whether to go to war with the humans or not. I was entranced with how heady this Planet of the Apes was. There was a lot of subtle and not so subtle undertones about humans and how we treat each other. I found myself enjoying not only the action and apes swinging through San Francisco but of the Apemanity of the Apes. Deep social commentary in this film leads you to believe there is a great tale being told here and I cannot wait for the next one. I'm glad this movie takes it subjects seriously and that though pure entertainment, some radical ideas come across too. 

Mr. Unhappy sez: If this movie can't get Andy Serkis an honorary Oscar, I don't know what will. He has a true skill to emot through CGI...a challenge not many can do. Evidence? Watch Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes...yeesh.

Transformers: Age of Extinction

So here was the surprise of my summer so far. I went into this movie thinking it was going to be the same damn robots fighting robots destroying cities that the first three were. The same tired jokes about transformer balls or perhaps some tight slow motion action shot of a model in a tight shirt. OK I will admit that the last one happens. It's a Michael "Slow motion" Bay movie. I'm sure without seeing it, I will have 5 unglorified slow motion seconds of staring down Megan Fox's cleavage in TMNT: the creepy version.. There is only so much Michael Bay can do without doing his classic/annoying explosions instead of story moments. This movie takes place years after the last film, Shia's Sam Witwicky has been accidentally inhaled by Optimus Prime's anus and died a slow painful death. They don't say this but I assume. Transformers are hunted across the world to pay for the crimes perpetrated on Chicago in the last film. Marky Mark finds "a transforma!" as he puts it and the story (2.5 hours of it) is off and running. This movie surprisingly had a story and somewhat manageable ability to not bore the hell out of you. Of the four movies, this is the most watchable.

Mr. Unhappy sez: If you have to see a Michael Bay movie this summer or your head will explode...this is the most watchable. I'm mildly concerned my brain has been tampered with to make this good rating but I like explowy things.


AND ON THE BASIC CABLE SYFY ON DEMAND...

Sharknado 2: The Second One

I've been watching a lot of what cable has to offer me. Movies are expensive and being a jobless worthless sack of shit makes me try to save a buck here and there.... so I watched Sharknado on Netflix and damned if it wasn't compelling funny stuff. So going into Sharknado 2, I knew what to expect. Boy was I wrong. They amped up the shark action in this movie. Not only can a shark head butt off the back end of a New York subway but a out of shape ball player can hit a shark with a baseball bat over the wall at CitiField, the home of the Mets... Sure this movie offers no story, horrible dialogue and no redeeming acting to speak of... Tara Reid, that meant you but it has a lighthearted humor that most movies don't have. Most bad Syfy movies tend to have all of this unintentionally. Sharknado embraces it. There is not a serious moment in this movie. I don't care if half of New York is eaten by sharks that should be long dead...as long as Ian Ziering saws through one with a giant chainsaw...sign me up. I can't wait for next summers Sharknado 3 : Sharkfirenado.

Mr. Unhappy sez: If you need something to take your mid off of how shitty life is and how annoying things get... Shaknado and Sharknado 2 has your back...but never turn your back on a sharknado...that's the kind of wolly headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten...

There. Four movies to see before the summer ends. August is a time for school shopping, kids annoying the hell out of you and people to always let you down. At least with these movies, People/Apes will lift you back up. 

TRY NOT TO KILL A HOMELESS MAN... 

he might end up being your long lost father...duh duh duuuuuuuuuuh!

 

A Fault...

The Fault In Our Stars

I’ve never been too keen on going to movies that are depressing. I just have always felt that the point of going to a movie is to be entertained and not depressed. I’ve seen Hotel Rwanda, Dallas Buyer’s Club, 12 Years a Slave and other movies recently that have both depressed and inspired me. Watching My Girl as a teenager was one of the first movies I ever cried while watching. Then I cried a little while watching Lost in Translation. I didn’t have a reason why but I did. The Notebook surprisingly didn’t get to me but United 93 and Marley and Me were full on sobfest. Finally Fruitvale Station broke my heart and depressed me while simultaneously angering me. So while I do have some serious reservations in seeing a movie that is depressing, it is not a deal breaker. So with all the lead up to The Fault in Our Stars, I knew that this movie was gonna break me down and leave me a wad of kleenex in the bottom of some woman’s purse. That may not make much sense but it is how I truly felt. So why see it? To paraphrase Timothy Olyphant in “Go” I hate depressing movies, but I am uncontrollably drawn to them.

The Fault in our Stars is the story of 17 year old Hazel (played by Shailene Woodley who is quickly becoming one of my favorite actresses) and Augustus (played by Ansel Elgort who embodies the cocksure Augustus Waters) and how they fall in love despite cancer looming over them. You cannot make a upbeat cancer movie. It just isn’t possible. You can be rolling on the floor laughing your ass off and someone says cancer and the mood is deflated like a balloon with a leak. It even makes the farty noise that is normally so obviously funny but here just hangs. Cancer is the silence in the room right as you say the most embarrassing thing. Still Hazel seems to have an logical and determined response to her cancer. She just worries for her parents and how they will deal with the loss. Her mother claims she is depressed and she wryly points out that depression is a side effect of dying. Still her doctor and parents all believe that a support group in “the very heart of Jesus” will help. There are stories of remission, loss, and pain all wrapped up by a testicular cancer survivor with a heavy love for Jesus singing another song. This is life for Hazel. Sleep, doctors, and support.

Then she arrives at group one day and literally bumps into Augustus Waters, a cancer survivor with a lost leg who only fears oblivion and being completely forgotten. There is an instant chemistry and Hazel, though fighting her feelings for him, starts to fall for him. The chemistry between Woodley and Elgort is palpable. While you understand completely why she pushes him away they are drawn to each other so easily and perfectly. There is very little she can do about having cancer and there is even less he can do about loving her completely. The Fault in Our Stars is a love story first and a cancer story second. Not only that but it makes cancer seem manageable if only you love someone. I’ve always been (to my detriment) a proponent of love and that love can solve or lighten the most depressing things. It can give you something to look forward to. Hazel Grace and Augustus were meant to be together. That it is destined to be a short love does not limit or make their love any less than the love of two people who will survive for 50 years. In fact, it probably makes it sweeter with it’s fleeting.

There is plenty of crying in this movie. Plenty of moments that break your heart and some that make you want to reach out and hug the main characters. The book is beloved and seeing this story on the screen, you can see why. Hazel is not weakly dying, she is facing death. Augustus is not afraid of her being a grenade that will go off and destroy everyone she loves. He loves her and she loves him. We as viewers love them as well. So in the pantheon of movies that will depress the hell out of you, The Fault in our Stars, this movie elevates and lifts the viewer. The movie may be depressing and I did tear up a few times but in the end, love is never a bad thing. It is only something that needs to be held onto and if Hazel and Augustus can hold on to it when death is looming, maybe there is a little hope for all of us.

Mr. Unhappy says: Go see this movie and bring your kleenex...in the dark, no one can see you cry. Okay? Okay.

The bloated Pot in Pulp Fiction...

At this point, I have seen Pulp Fiction an unbelievable amount of times. I can turn my head and close my eyes and see each scene by dialogue alone. I can recite it with only minor mistakes and I can watch it anytime, anywhere and with anyone. The movie is flawless...or nearly flawless. Pulp Fiction is truly one of those movies I can watch over and over again, finding new little details that make me love it more and things that always bother me. Butch's dad dying of dysentery while have that uncomfortable hunk of metal stuck up his ass...and then Chris Walken's character took the watch and shoved it up his ass. I cringe every time I hear that. Or  how about how Eric Stoltz's drug dealer is out of balloons and puts the heroin in a baggie which in turn leads to Mia thinking the heroin is cocaine and she snorts it leading to her near death experience. The subtle nod to that scene when Vincent meets up with Mia and Marcellus later in the movie.

Yet there is one ginormous moment in the movie where you just sit and wonder what the hell happened to this movie. There is very little overall point to it. You'll find the video for that scene below. The scene is boxed between two great scenes. It comes immediately after the brilliant Christopher Walken  describes to a small child how his father shoved his gold watch up his ass so he could eventually give it to his son and how after his dad dies, Christopher Walken's Captain Coons, out of respect carried that hunk of metal up his ass for two more years. The scene is shocking and funny. Poignant and gross. Immediately after the scene below is the bring out the gimp scene which is arguably one of the most disturbing and most intense scenes in movie history. I know that, for me, that scene makes the entire movie for me. Wraps up a loose thread and leads into the next tale. 

And yet, for about 10 minutes screen time, we come back to a hotel scene which my friend says he won't even watch. Fast forward through it and you literally miss nothing except a slight background on Fabienne (she wants a pot belly and oral pleasure), a slightly cruel shower scene where you nearly see all of Bruce's Willis while he mocks his wife/girlfriend with a slightly offensive mongoloid voice, and finally (thankfully) the knowledge that Fabi forgot to grab Butch's father's watch off the kangaroo in their apartment and Butch has to go back for it which brings us into the next fabulous sequence of the movie. It is a seemingly worthless sequence and yet I have to wonder if there is a hidden meaning, a critical point, to the Fabienne the mongoloid/I wanna pot belly scene. And what was the point of having it in this moment of the movie? There is so much intelligence behind the rest of the movie that to just have this scene in there because...well just because... it doesn't make sense. Is it to show me what Butch has to lose if he dies? If so, why do I care if he dies and Fabi the mongoloid has to make due on her own? Is it to have the eventual Willis in the shower wangtastic scene because we all wanna see Willis wang? Is it about the blueberry pancakes that she ends up not getting? Is it just a short interlude to allow the watcher to catch his breath? As far as I can tell, the scene makes no sense. It is a worthless scene with no visible redeeming quality and it has bugged me since the first time I saw the movie at the matinee special with the 20 or so senior citizens who had no clue what they were getting into (indeed half of them left the theater shortly after the Ezekiel 25:17 scene). The scene is not worth the time it takes out of the movie and it completely blows the pacing of the movie. Why? Why is this scene in the movie?

Tell me. Give me your thoughts. Feel free to email or tweet them to me... because apparently comments are broken on my blog. No other reason why I am not swimming in comments weekly. I will update with any theories you may have, giving full credit and continue this discussion. Give me your thoughts internet!

Email: MrUnhappy1331@gmail.com

Tweet: @MrUnhappy1331

Until then...Mr. Unhappy sez: Pulp Fiction is a great movie. Fabi the Mongoloid...not so much. Still it is like the family fucking circus... I hate it but am inexplicably drawn to it.

The Amaze-balls Spider-man

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

    Someone once told me that with great power comes great responsibility. The same is true with movies. When you are asking for the money of the people and creating a world, you have a responsibility to make a world that will transport you from your ordinary life and become something spectacular. I thought, and I don’t think I was wrong, that The Amazing Spider-Man was kind of a flop. There were good moments, Denis Leary as Captain Stacy, a one armed Kurt Connors (even if the Lizard became a little weak in the end) and a questionable plot to make Peter’s parents look like James Bond. The Amazing Spider-man 2 starts with the parents question front and center. Again they look like James Bond or secret agents at the very least. This seems to be the thrust Marc Webb has chosen for Mr. and Mrs. Parker. We just have to deal with it I guess. You wonder what you are in for in this movie and the movie answers that quickly. You are in for the love story of Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy.

    The Amazing Spider-man 2 is a smarter more interesting movie than the original. Spider-man is a realized character and now Andrew Garfield is able to move in his body better. He is smarter, faster, better at being Spider-man. The movie opens with more of the debacle of a story line involving Peter’s secret parents and what happened to them. Then we are thrust into the character that is New York and the web-head’s new life after high school. Traveling by web slinger has never been shot better. I enjoyed Sam Raimi’s vision of that but with the fully realized effects in this movie, Spidey moves through New York as though it is his city. I’ve always been curious if some poor bastard has to clean off the webbing that is left behind or does it just disappear into movie land somewhere. Soon Spider-man is saving a lot of people including Max Dillon (Jamie Foxx) who takes his simple act of heroism as a declaration of friendship. Where Tobey Maguire failed (dialogue, weird faces, and scarily bad quips), Andrew Garfield is natural, fun and more Spider-many. He brings a likability to Spider-man and Peter Parker that I always felt was missing in the Maguire series. As Spider-man, Garfield gives the performance we always wanted from Spider-man and not the cheesy dance moves that sadly defined the earlier series.

    I think the greatest thing that Marc Webb has done with his series of Spider-man Movies is created a stable of villains that Spider-man can fight. The Lizard was a great start and showed that OsCorp was up to something both regarding Peter and the hidden Norman Osborn who’s son Harry (played with glee by Dane DeHaan) who delivers a new level to the character’s dark turn and a puppet-master like existence in creating new monsters for the Spider-man to fight. Also where the Sam Raimi Spider-man had almost a glut of villains, The Amazing Spider-man introduces us to just as many villains without sacrificing the story. Electro, The Rhino and The Green Goblin are each dealt with in a real way. There is a bit of comic book magic that comes into play but the characters are smart, efficient and deadly. They each play their roles in the story without feeling shoved in and unnecessary in a way Spider-man 3 never quite accomplished. I think that this series is setting up as one of the better superhero franchises around. I would love to see (and doubt I will) Garfield’s Spider-man interact with The Avengers. I would like to see Garfield’s Spider-man just swing into any movie. Jaws? Sure he can web-sling the shark’s mouth. There is a brilliance and likability to Andrew Garfield that would fit anywhere. I mean it might seem unnecessary to have him fight Smaug in the Hobbit movies but it would definitely add a little excitement to see Spidey punch Legolas in his elfy neck. I’m just saying.

    Which brings me to the best moments in the movies. Those involving Emma Stone as the complicated love interest to Peter Parker, Gwen Stacy.  The chemistry between real life love interests Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone translates so well to the screen in this movie. The pain Peter feels after promising her father that he would keep her safe by disassociating her from his life as Spider-man and his dominating love for her, is the central point to this movie. I’ve read reviews of this movie in which the love story was not even mentioned. This is a crime because seeing those two on screen together is to be a part of a great love story. Emma Stone’s Gwen wants to live her life and make her own decisions while Garfield’s Peter Parker wants nothing more that to keep her safe. There is a battle in their relationship. They fight, they break up and they fight to keep people safe together. It is the type of realistic and smart love story I expect from the director of 500 Days of Summer (a great movie to see). Marc Webb doesn’t cheat the audience a bit. You root for them, you long for them and you hurt for them when they hurt each other. Imagine being in love with someone who is bigger than life, a hero and loved by the whole of New York. How overwhelming that must be. Yet for Stone’s Gwen Stacy, the story isn’t about Spider-man (she’s fine with him endangering himself for the city) it is about Peter Parker, the man she loves and that is, to me, a movie I enjoyed seeing.

Mr Unhappy Sez:  Going in, I wasn’t sure I wanted to see this and now I can’t help but want to see it again. There can be no truer success for a good movie than that.

Bad Netflix...just Bad...

I have a slight problem with watching movies that have very little cultural value. Twilight, Loser (with Jason Biggs), The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Battlefield Earth, After Earth, The Last Airbender, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, and the always entertaining Gigli. All of these movies have reasons why I enjoy them. The teenage girl in me (Twilight, Loser), The Teenage boy in me (TMNT), The Sadist in me (Battlefield Earth, After Earth, Gigli) and the Perv in me (Sorority Babes). I could list all the different sides to me but somewhere this would become about me. Tonight, I was hoping to write a little about some movies I've watched recently that are just awful. There is no redeeming quality to them and quite honestly, I cannot see why...how...who..would pay money to see...make...release... these movies. All of them have a hook and a choice was made to invest money into them. So somewhere, someone, wanted to see these movies happen. No point putting this off.... here are some awful movies. Watch them at your own peril.

30,000 Leagues Under The Sea

When a movie begins with "Starring Lorenzo Lamas" and then says "Based on Jules Verne's Classic Adventure" we need to deal with the fact that Oscarbait this is not. Where 30,000 leagues goes wrong is well it got started and someone said "Here's the idea. A submarine goes missing and when the Navy launches a rescue mission, the rescuers run into Captain Nemo, not the legendary version but a crappy out of his mind douchebag who wants to blow up the earth. Isn't that awesome?!" No. No, it is not. The stilted acting, the bad special effects, a horrible plot, pace, and writing. 30,000 Leagues Under The Sea fails at every level as a movie. Does the Navy really wear patches on their uniform that says NAVY in huge letters? No. I didn't think so. I'd like to tell you that the redeeming quality is _______ but there is no redeeming this movie. They have literally and figuratively taken a shit on the memory of a classic novel. Of all the movies you should see this summer, this is not one of them. If you watch this movie please please do it hipster ironically.

 

Mr. Unhappy sez: If you ever wanted to track down Jules Verne and punch him in the crotch, watch this movie.

No Holds Barred

 

Back in the late 80's the WWF (now the WWE) decided to get into the movie business and took it's number one star Hulk Hogan and made him the star. The story involves Hulk Hogan as a wrestler for the WWF named Rip who, as their champion, brings in great ratings for the network. Their rival network, run by the dickish Kurt Fuller (he of playing the dick in Ghostbusters 2) decides they need to steal Rip and begin to run a rival show of a UFC like nature and blahbety blah blah happens...Rip has to fight Zeus (Tom "Tiny" Lister) and there is your movie. I'm sure half of you could guess how that is. There is also a romantic story? Read that like I am tilting it up at the last word and questioning the believability of the romantic pairing of  Joan Severance and Hulk Hogan. Truly this movie isn't meant to be good. It is meant to be a movie that gives fans of the WWF(E) the violence they love on a movie screen. Watching Hulk Hogan act is like watching a plant grow. It does little for you but it might eventually get better. I will admit that the masochist in me loves the worthless story and random fight scenes. This movie has a redeeming quality. I'm not sure what it is but...it's in there somewhere.

Mr Unhappy sez: It's a movie made by Hulk Hogan and Vince MacMahon...did you think it was gonna be good?

Starship Troopers: Invasion

This movie is animated. That is not a bad thing. In fact, there are animated boobs in this movie. If you remember the original Starship Troopers movie, boobs, they were a plenty and teenage boys did weep...from their penises. Now a new generation can fap furiously to a new movie about bugs and their unyielding war on humanity. The story is kind of about a hero named...what was it again...I had it a minute ago. Oh...you got to be shitting me. Hero...his name is hero? Come on. The story is decent. There are the aforementioned boobs. There is plenty of bug killing. There is a psychic bug crashing a ship on Paris. A bunch of great ideas. I mean can we "find" that Malaysian Airlines flight on top of Paris? The problem is it is told as though you are in a video game. Every scene feels like a build up to the moment when I take control of Hero and attack bugs for hours like a teenager and then... next scene where two characters have sex and fall in love and promise that if they die they will return their gun to their hometown. I guess my issue with it is that it had the ability to be good but seems to cut out the exciting gameplay scenes. I loved the original Starship Troopers even if Denise Richards, Casper Van Diem and Neil Patrick Harris weren't brilliant. The story was tight, danger was real and if they died I didn't think they would reappear at their last save point. As far as movies go, you can watch it...remember...boobs, Basil.

Mr. Unhappy sez: Boobs. That is my one take away from this movie. Boobs. The filmmakers seem to agree with me as they show boobs whenever convenient for the story.

Sharknado

I know I am going for the low hanging fruit here. This is a movie in which 3 tornadoes (filled with alive man eating sharks) will destroy Los Angeles unless Steve Sanders (from the 1990's 90210) and the annoying chick from American Pie's family stops the tornadoes in their tracks. I get that the movie is not supposed to be good and at that they succeeded. Tara Reid somewhat sleeps through the movie, sighing her lines out, as though they paid her a lot of money but failed to write a provision into her contract that she try. She acts like a poor man's  Lindsay Lohan. Ian Ziering is very good for what he is. He always new something like this was gonna happen so he's been preparing. Yep, he's a creepy survivalist who is an absent father and hero. The special effects and story are on par as being awful. There is a subplot between the barkeep at Ian Ziering's bar and his son but I never really figured out where that came from. All of a sudden they had a deep connection. Forget setting up that she was in love with Ian Ziering for the first half of the movie. I can forgive that though. This movie works. It keeps a person captivated like a man walking in on a little person banging their mom. You don't wanna watch but something keeps you from turning away. His tiny body is plowing through your mom like a Hummer filled with explosives... it has blown your mind. You need your mom to see you and say "Get outta here!" I think I've drawn that metaphor out as long as I can.

Mr. Unhappy sez: Don't run from Sharknado, Sharknado just wants to make love to you....like that little guy did to your mom...who are you kidding, that was straight f**king. I had one more in me. Said your mom.


Don't feel bad about watching these movies. They are there. There is nothing else on and rewatching Pulp Fiction for the 30th time seems like a waste of time. These "films" are on the Netflix Instant Watch and you can watch them for free. Say whatever makes you feel better. I expect a full review of each of these.

Mr. Unhappy sez: Bad movies aren't bad if enough people watch them. They are cult classics.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

I think the main difference between the Marvel Universe and the DC Universe so far is that Marvel is unafraid to take chances with their characters. Perhaps the most glaring difference is that DC has tried to embrace our sceptical side by saying that no one buys into the “American Way” anymore so Superman just comes off as hokey. Perhaps the most ridiculous of characters that embody the American idealism is Captain America and Marvel has done something DC/ Warner Brothers is afraid to do... embrace the contrivance. Captain America flat out believes in America, believes in freedom and in the ideal picture of the American people. He is a American dreamer. That is why the new movie is so interesting. It asks what happens when everything Cap knew is suddenly thrown into disarray? What happens when the people he trusted prove to be untrustworthy? Described by most actors as a political thriller, The Winter Soldier is a smart, interesting movie that spells the end of idealism and the rebirth of freedom (both metaphorically and creatively) in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

The movie opens with Captain Steve Rogers still working for S.H.I.E.L.D and still trying to adjust to the world around him. Black Widow urges him to date more and he smiles his way through it, not sure he even knows how he can date. What exactly does Captain America have in common with the nurse down the hall or the girl in accounting?He can however kick lots of ass and proceeds to take apart a boat full of pirates. Still he questions his role in this new S.H.I.E.L.D. and whether he even wants to be a part of it. Meanwhile Robert Redford shows up as Senator Pierce, a somewhat cocky leader of  S.H.I.E.L.D who is busy trying to get ahead of the terrorists by launching a fleet of helicarriers that can identify a threat and eliminate it before they can enact their plan (one of those threats is named as Bruce Banner... I am not sure whether I want to be the guy who shoots cannons at the Hulk). When Nick Fury finally lets Cap in on the secret, he looks at this as an infringement of freedom while Nick (played again with glee by Samuel L. Jackson) sees it as a chance to stop terror in it’s track and keep people safe.  It is a high brow idea for people to think about. What is a threat? What does a computer see that people cannot? Is it worth saving 7 billion people by killing 20 million? It is hard to argue on the side killing 20 million people but there is a rationale to it that makes the threat at least a credible one. Also haunting Cap is The Winter Soldier, an assassin who has been working for 50 years and has connections to Cap’s past.  

The Winter Soldier is, much like Iron Man 3, a movie which spends little time with men in suits fighting back the enemy but gets involved in the men in the suits. The goal of this phase of the Marvel Universe is seemingly to strip all of the heroes of their suits and attack their hearts and idealism. Watching Iron Man 3 you can wonder where Iron Man was and the same can be said here. I thought the same thing during Winter Soldier as well. Beyond Cap’s magic patriotic shield, the suit is rarely seen. It is a movie about Steve Rogers and his adjustment to the world. My only issue is the same one I had with Iron Man 3.  Surely Iron Man, Hawkeye, The Hulk and Thor could have helped end this threat with a lot less bloodshed. Just as I wondered where Captain America was when the president was kidnapped in Iron Man 3. Is that something that didn’t interest S.H.I.E.L.D? Marvel seems to enjoy letting their heroes fight their own battles only to come back together during the most egregious of threats. 

I would like to ask that we retire the shaky camera flashing, spinning and shifting focus fighting that puts you in the middle of a fight. It is a style that gained popularity with the Bourne Identity movies and continues today. It is fascinating to be so intimately involved in the fight but maybe I could watch the fight while propped up 10 feet away? I mean do I have to enjoy not knowing who is punching who and just assuming that the Captain is winning? Can I actually watch the fight that they choreographed and the actors worked hard to make it look realistic? Maybe, in 3-D there is a vast difference but I can't imagine that 3-D makes the fights are any easier to follow. I'd like to see the skill and elegance of fight scenes while not having to deal with the motion sickness that goes with it.

There is smart talented storytelling going on in The Winter Soldier and the story is intriguing but I worry that some younger Marvel Universe viewers may not understand what is going on.  There is very little cape and cowl moments in this movie. It is a subtle exercise in storytelling, a smart man’s superhero movie. I appreciate that Marvel isn’t talking down to me and is not catering to kids just to make a little bit of money. When you break down the core of The Winter Soldier, it is the same as every superhero movie which results in a battle of Captain America versus... whoever. Cap vs. The Winter Soldier, Cap vs. Politics, Cap vs. himself , Cap vs. The Nurse down the hall, Cap versus Black Widow’s amazing body. I loved the movie. It engaged me in a way that Iron Man 3 didn’t though both movies were tonally similar. Here, I was intrigued by the man not the suit while in Iron Man 3 I was more interested in the suit not the man. I think for most people, Captain America: The Winter Soldier will just be another superhero movie that leads up to Avengers: Age of Ultron and it is but The Winter Soldier is more a story about all the people who try to keep America and the world safe through many different means. It is about finding your place in the world and then fighting to keep it intact.

Mr. Unhappy sez: The Winter Soldier is an action packed movie with a smart story. Much smarter than I hoped for. That was a pleasant surprise. 

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES - Official Trailer (2014) [HD]

So the trailer for the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie came out. There is a lot to be excited about here. First, they are mutants and are built like Quasimodo. April O'Neil is dressed in yellow. Um...ok, I am stretching to find awesome thoughts about this. William Fichtner is kind of maybe the Shredder? So Michael Bay has attempted to rebuild his image after ruining Transformers for a generation (and if you see Mark Wahlberg in the new movie, the joke is on you my friends) by attempting to ruin another childhood favorite of mine. I try not to swear too much on here but fuck Michael Bay. Fuck him in his cock garbled mouth. The man couldn't even make a speech on film making without a teleprompter. I don't want to crap on the movie. It can be good. Maybe it will redeem Michael Bay and Megan Fox. There is at least one thing I can say that gives me hope. There is no Shia LaBeouf. That's about it. I want to say that there is a lot to be excited about. The turtles look like they can kick ass but it comes down to the Bay of it all. 

Mr. Unhappy sez: Transformers looked cool in the trailers too. Then Megan Fox and Shia LaBeouf came along and shit the bed. Chances are...Michael Bay will pull horribleness from something that should be awesome. It is his way.

Unhappy's Oscar Picks...

I like the Oscars...the pageantry, the speeches and the emotions. It is the dream of every young person in the film business to win an Oscar. So I thought I would dole out the Oscars both as I feel they should be given and how I think they will be given...some are just best guesses. I didn't watch the short films or the Documentaries. I just didn't have the time but I'll pick them just to be consistent.

Based on Actual Nominated Films

Best Picture- 12 Years a Slave

Best Actor- Matthew McConaughey - Dallas Buyers Club

Best Actress- Cate Blanchett - Blue Jasmine

Best Supporting Actor- Jared Leto - Dallas Buyers Club


Best Supporting Actress- Lupita Nyong'o - 12 Years a Slave

Best Director- Alfonso Cuaron - Gravity

Original Screenplay- Her - Spike Jonze

Adapted Screenplay- 12 Years a Slave - John Ridley

Film Editing- 12 Years a Slave - Joe Walker

Cinematography- Nebraska - Phedon Papamichael

Production Design- The Great Gatsby - Catherine Martin and Beverly Dunn

Animated Feature- Frozen


Animated Short Film- Mr. Hublot

Documentary Feature- Dirty Wars

Documentary Short- Facing Fear

Live Action Short Film- The Voorman Problem

Foreign Language Film- Omar - Palestine

Costume Design- American Hustle - Michael Wilkinson

Makeup and Hairstyling- Dallas Buyers Club - Adruitha Lee and Robin Matthews

Visual Effects-  Gravity - Tim Webber, Chris Lawrence, David Shirk, and Neil Corbould


Sound Mixing- Gravity - Skip Lievsay, Niv Adiri, Christopher Benstead, and Chris Munro


Sound Editing- Gravity - Glenn Freemantle


Original Score- Saving Mr. Banks - Thomas Newman

Original Song- The Moon Song - Music by Karen O , Lyrics by Karen O and Spike Jonze

What Mr. Unhappy sez should've been...

Best Picture- Her

Best Actor- Michael B. Jordan - Fruitvale Station

Best Actress- Judi Dench - Philomena

Best Supporting Actor- Sam Rockwell - The Way Way Back

Best Supporting Actress- June Squibb - Nebraska

Best Director- Spike Jonze - Her


Original Screenplay- Her - Spike Jonze

Adapted Screenplay- The Hunger Games: Catching Fire - Simon Beaufoy, Michael Arndt, and Suzanne Collins

Film Editing- 12 Years a Slave - Joe Walker

Cinematography- Nebraska - Phedon Papamichael

Production Design- The Great Gatsby - Catherine Martin and Beverly Dunn

Animated Feature- Frozen


Animated Short Film- Mr. Hublot

Documentary Feature- Dirty Wars

Documentary Short- Facing Fear

Live Action Short Film- The Voorman Problem

Foreign Language Film- Omar - Palestine

Costume Design- American Hustle - Michael Wilkinson

Makeup and Hairstyling- Dallas Buyers Club - Adruitha Lee and Robin Matthews

Visual Effects-  Gravity - Tim Webber, Chris Lawrence, David Shirk, and Neil Corbould


Sound Mixing- Gravity - Skip Lievsay, Niv Adiri, Christopher Benstead, and Chris Munro


Sound Editing- Gravity - Glenn Freemantle


Original Score- Nebraska - Mark Orton

Original Song- The Moon Song - Music by Karen O , Lyrics by Karen O and Spike Jonze

The back end of both are pretty much the same because I was mostly guessing. We'll see how I do tomorrow on the real ones but Mr. Unhappy picks are the ones that have already won...in my heart. Jesus that was sappy and pathetic.  

Best Picture Part 10: Best Picture of the Best Pictured Films

As I wrote the reviews I did for the 9 Best Picture contenders for the Academy Awards show tomorrow, I was stuck by a kind of odd fact. As much of a movie fan as I am, I have never seen all the Best Picture nominees before. Whether there were five or 10, I had never watched them all yet I always had opinions on which movie deserved the award. I can remember quite vividly that I was incredibly upset when Forrest Gump won all the awards that should have rightfully gone to Pulp Fiction. Then, well after the awards, I sat down and watched Forrest Gump and I had to admit (God Damnit) that it was a great movie and deserved of all the celebration. Still I had never seen them all in any given year. I’ve come very close a few times through the years. This year I made a vow to see all 9 before the Oscar broadcast. I barely made it, but I did see all 9 of them. I came to a odd but certainly not unexpected result. The 9 motion pictures nominated were all great movies. Yet there can be only one winner so I have to break them down one more time and choose a winner. Hence Part 10: The Showdown of the Best Pictured...

I will count them down... as I see them... in order of most unlikely to the eventual Best Picture.


9. Nebraska - While a fine movie, which highlights the bothersome time in your life when you grow old and people stop trusting you can take care of yourself, Nebraska just doesn’t have the juice to win this race. In a tightly packed race, Nebraska is the least likely I see of having a shot.

8. Philomena - Again a movie that has tremendous heart and the ability to pull the heartstrings of the angriest most heartless man. It has a great hook to bring in Oscar voters. Judi Dench will sway most people to the greatness of the movie but while a movie about a mother searching for her stolen and sold to adoptive parents son is like putting cat nip in the crazy cat lady’s house, the race is too close to call which leaves a movie that is great but not world changing will most likely be overlooked.

7. Her - Again this falls into a great movie that is perhaps even better than the big nominees, it is simply too small a movie to be taken seriously. The oddness of the story also leads to people not considering it a worthwhile choice. This movie is the Best Picture I saw all year but this is not about my opinions. It is what the Academy will do and they have been particularly annoying in overlooking movies that don’t fit their mold. Her is a game changer of a movie but that in and of itself takes it out of contention.

6. Captain Phillips - This movie seems like an obvious choice. Smart and emotional. A tale that tells the plight of an American hero and a social issue like the plight of the Somali people which force them to take action as pirates. This movie was Oscar bait the moment they wrapped the movie. But Tom Hanks is not nominated. The director Paul Greengrass was not nominated.  Barkhad Abdi was nominated but in a category he has no chance of winning (though he should). This tells me that the Academy wants to honor it as a great movie but really just the honor of a nomination more than the honor of a gold naked man.

5. American Hustle - I liked the movie but it has little of the fun and joy that radiated from Silver Linings Playbook had last year. I just think this movie is a little smug and feels it deserves the honor more than it actually earning it. It isn’t the only one...I just have to hope that the Academy knows it as well.

4. Dallas Buyers Club - This movie has two awards basically sewn up. Jared Leto will win for Best Supporting Actor (but as he was playing a transgendered man, shouldn’t we honor her character as Best Supporting Actress.) Matthew McConaghey also seems to have sewn up the Best Actor win according to all the posts and deservedly so. This movie has some Best Picture staples too... though kind of offensively so. It has a character dying of AIDS, it tells a great story and there is a touching story of a gay character as well. I would love to say that this is the Best Picture winner but it doesn’t seem like it will be. Dallas Buyers Club could have won in a less stacked year but this year there are too many Great Pictures let alone a Best Picture. It certainly is in the top 5 and that is pretty damned impressive.

3. The Wolf of Wall Street - We’ve entered the realm of possibility. Up until now we’ve been dealing with great movies that cannot win. As you get to The Wolf of Wall Street, you find that there is little people can find wrong with the movie. Let me point out a few. It is a non redemptive movie where the characters are the same at the end of the movie as they are at the beginning. It also involves a 1 percenter getting away with horrible crimes in the face of overwhelming evidence. Sadly it is directed by a legend (Martin Scorsese) and starring someone the Academy feels they owe. That is why I even ranked it this far up. I just hope that the Academy can look past the Scorsese effect and the Leonardo DiCaprio really deserves a win attitude and realizes that in a pack of great this was just good.

2. Gravity - This movie has changed movies in general. Not in the storytelling and smart way that Her did but in the way films are gonna be looked at. The visual effects and acting allows you to look past a blah story and a some hokey moments. I swear if George Clooney comes back at the perfect time one more time I will die of smugness. Yet this movie seems to have legs and the Academy likes it. The Best Picture race is too close to call but since I have to, I choose the only movie I felt was required viewing...

1. 12 Years a Slave - This movie is so good. It tells a story that you should see and want to see. I know the fear that a lot of people have but seriously this movie is not about casting blame but about telling an truly horrific period of our history. That could also work against it. Gravity is a heroes story while 12 Years a Slave tells a story that could bum people out. It shouldn’t be viewed that way but I think it might be. Of all 9 movies, I will say 12 Years a Slave is the Best of the bunch that have a chance. I’m still rooting for Her but 12 Years is the only other movie that accomplished the task of proving to me that it was one of the best pictures ever.

***

This year really has some good movies. I feel there are some bad movies (The Wolf Of Wall Street is the one I’m looking at) and some movies that I don’t think have the juice to win (Nebraska, Philomena and sadly Her). I would have loved to see the powerful and emotional “Fruitvale Station” get nominated but it seems like it was just flat out ignored. American Hustle, Gravity and Dallas Buyers Club are great films in and of themselves for different reasons but it isn’t Best Picture by Scorsese or Best Picture that used innovative effects. It is the Best Picture of 2013.

Mr. Unhappy sez: That movie is 12 Years a Slave.  

Best Picture Part 9: Nebraska

Nebraska

 

Getting old sucks. Worse than that is losing who you were and not knowing how to stop it. As the child of a retired man, I wonder often about what my father is doing and if he is living a fulfilled life. I think when you spend your entire life working and suddenly you no longer need to go into work or have very little you need to do with your day it can be disorienting. I can understand that. Not having worked since June, I am quite off my game as far as what it requires of me to do. Do I need to get up before noon? Not really. What does it matter if I sleep one more hour or three? After a while, the lack of something you are needed for can drive you stir crazy. I think everyone wants to be needed for something.  For me it is writing a movie blog that no one reads. For my father it will be finding time to play golf or do some of the things he always wanted to do. Growing old can be worse if everything you do is questioned or if the people you love start whispering about whether or not you need to be in a home. All of these moments in retirement can be very scary and depressing. This is the general idea behind “Nebraska” , the final movie nominated for Best Picture in Sunday’s Academy Awards.

Bruce Dern stars as Woody, a quietly retired person nearing the last stage of his life. His wife Kate is constantly berating and calling him a fool, threatening to have him put in a home. So it isn’t too surprising that when he receives a letter telling him that he won a Million Dollars, he sets out of Billings, Montana to Lincoln, Nebraska by foot. The police soon pick him up and call his son David (Will Forte) to pick him up. After a few more attempts prove that Woody will go whether or not they bring him back home, David agrees to take him to Lincoln to claim his prize money although he knows that the letter is just a ploy to sell magazines (much like the Publisher’s Clearing House). The film is the trip from Billings to Lincoln as David tries to learn more about his father and his father just wants to be treated as a person again. They end up in Hawthorne, Nebraska staying with family and David learns about his father’s life before he was born. It was not an easy life and you feel as though there were many things Woody wanted to do that he gave up for his kids and his needy wife. The movies heart comes in the silent moments when Woody stares off at memories from his past and confronts the people he left behind in his hometown. May it be old business partners (Stacey Keach) or family members who all want a piece of the million dollars. Throughout Nebraska is a story of growing old and the problems that happen as you age.

Bruce Dern (he of the wild unkempt hair) is deserving of his nomination for Best Actor for his portrayal of a man who is slowly losing his battle with old age and just wants one more moment when he is a man of respect instead of a joke. One last hurrah so his sons and wife can see he isn't just a doddering old drunk. Will Forte is also deserving of awards talk although I can see why he is not nominated. As a son, I identify with David’s character. You are watching the man who was the strongest person you know, age and fall and slowly die. You can’t stop it but you don’t want to lose them. I loved the dynamic between Kate and Woody as they fought and she called him a fool. Perhaps the most telling is a trip to the cemetery in Hawthorne. Kate (played by June Squibb) walks through the row of Woody’s family and friends, finding fault with every one of them. Woody stands in the back as she moves from headstone to headstone, another reminder of his own mortality, and finally decides to wait in the car.

The truth in Nebraska is that we will all grow old and we will all die but how we face it is more important than how we are when we finally meet our maker. Did Woody really believe he won a million dollars or did he just hope so much that he could have one more moment to be a hero and leave his sons with something after he passed so that they would remember him fondly? It is never an easy thing to look upon death and smile. Most of us will go screaming to the grave, fighting for one more moment in the sun or one more beer with our kids. There is nothing wrong with that and in fact, it is worth striving for. Getting old sucks but being a good man and leaving a good legacy for your children is worthwhile. Not only that but perhaps when you go towards death knowing that your kids will be fine, you don’t have to scream.

Mr. Unhappy sez: Nebraska is a fine movie. I laughed and felt that there were many moments I could relate to my own father. In terms of being the Best Picture, I feel it is reaching. In a year with so many great movies, Nebraska is a worthwhile choice but not powerful enough to win Best Picture.

Best Picture Part 8: Philomena

Philomena

I’ve always wanted children. I don’t say it very often but it is something that drives me crazy on those nights when I lay up at night and think about how far behind I am in life. For Philomena Lee, she grew up way too fast at a young age and then paid penance for 50 years. She liked the sex you see. He was so handsome and he chose her. What came from that blessed union of two people is a tragedy and another shameful moment for the Catholic Church. It seems the more you look at the choices and cover ups, the more troubled you get. I’m sure they always mean well but the things they did to cover up molestation and here, the selling of children to wealthy Americans is shameful. It makes me wonder if they spent any time in confession telling the Lord of their sins and expected a reprieve.


Philomena, starring Dame Judi Dench and Steve Coogan (who also wrote the script) is based on the 2009 book by BBC correspondent Martin Sixsmith, "The Lost Child of Philomena Lee." It opens with Sixsmith (Coogan) having been disgraced as a government advisor and unemployed as a result. He is quite lost and depressed until he meets the daughter of Philomena Lee, who asks him to do a story on her mother. Fifty years ago, Philomena had conceived a child out of wedlock. The church, which her Irish Catholic father had sent her too in disgrace, had adopted the baby without her consent and in following church doctrine and believing that what she had done was a grave sin, Philomena had signed a contract that wouldn’t allow her to inquire into her son Anthony’s whereabouts. Sixsmith is not immediately interested in writing a human interest piece which he deems the lowest form of journalism but as he thinks on Philomena’s story he finally agrees to write it and meets with her to uncover the truth about her son’s “adoption”. This leads Philomena and Martin to travel to America to try to find Philomena’s son.

I was struck by the honesty of Philomena as portrayed by Judi Dench. She sees the good in people and always tries to connect with someone whether it be the cook in the hotel cooking her omelet or someone who knew her son. As the truth begins to unravel and I became more and more angry, I wondered how she could forgive and be so calm. This small woman with such grief and pain in her heart. Judi Dench is stunning in a role that I didn’t picture immediately when I thought of Dame Judi Dench. She seems able to melt into any role, becoming the person written for her. With a slight cockney accent and a fascination with people, she became someone you rooted for. Steve Coogan, known mostly for comedic work, for his part is good in a serious role and carries the gravitas of a man who has lost his faith in everything and is trying to get past all the anger he still has pent up inside him. Coogan plays him as a man with a quick smile and a one liner who considers himself better than others. Throughout the movie, Coogan begins to lose his anger and narcissism, letting his ego and what happened to him go. In the face of this woman and what was done to her, his life is quite easy.

Most eye opening of anything in this film is the practice of shaming and self hatred the Catholic church threw upon these frightened young girls who had made a mistake. I know it isn’t indicative of the entire church but seeing how they handled these women and stole their children is sickening. They were sent to this church to have a safe place to have their children and live. Instead they offered no guidance and shamed these women who had to suffer dearly for their choices. Early on Martin finds an overgrown field with the graves of the children and mothers who did not survive childbirth. One he sees, is 14 years old. Do these girls deserve less respect in death because of the one sin they committed while alive. Philomena herself was forced to deliver a breech baby ( a baby who comes out feet first) without painkillers so she could receive her punishment from the Lord. That this was a regular practice in Ireland is shocking. To steal babies from young women who don’t know any better and believe they need to in order to atone for their sins. It pisses me off.

Philomena is a great movie. One in a million, as Philomena might say, and is definitely worth the price of admission.  Judi Dench is brilliant (which I’ve kind of come to expect) and Steve Coogan more than holds his own. Stephen Frears, the director, has a knack for making movies that appeal to the heart in people. I will forever owe him for the work done on High Fidelity (John Cusak’s best work as far as I am concerned) and Philomena does the same thing. He creates a solid method of telling the story while interspersing home movies of Anthony as he grows up. As Martin's editor says when Martin pitches her the story that a good piece can end really happily or end up really sad. I’ll let you see what the ending of this story is for yourself. The movie earns it’s ending and so should you. Whether or not those nuns who judged their charges so harshly deserve to be forgiven is not for me or you to decide. I'm sure their higher power has a few choice questions for them.

Mr. Unhappy sez: Philomena is another surprise movie that I wasn’t sure I’d like. Is it the Best Picture? No. Yet it has a reason to be on the ballot. This is a great heartwarming movie that takes a tragedy and redeems it. If you think I may have spoiled the movie with that last line, I didn’t. See it for yourself.

Best Picture Part 7: Twelve Years a Slave

Twelve Years A Slave

Solomon Northup was a free man. He had a wife and two children, a life in Saratoga Springs, New York and made a living as a violin player who was respected and treated as an equal in the community in which he lived. At least as much as a African American man could be treated equally in 1841. Twelve Years a Slave is a powerful story. One that shouldn’t have happened and yet it isn’t the story of one man, it is the story of slavery in general. As a white man I am embarrassed and ashamed at the treatment of people purchased into slavery. It shames me to my core and yet the point of  Twelve Years a Slave is not to point a finger at the white devil but to show this shameful and sad part of American history. When I set out to write these reviews of all the Best Picture nominees, I was scared of watching Twelve Years a Slave. Like many movies that show a disgraceful moment in history, I was scared of being bummed out. Simple as that. Yet the movie itself is not a bummer of a movie. It deals with a horrific story and the shameful acts of people in the South but it is a story of survival and the ability of all men to suffer horrific acts put upon them and to endure.

The story opens with Solomon Northup (Chiwetel Ejiofor in an Oscar worthy performance) living as a free man in Saratoga, New York with his wife and two children, who earns a living as a violinist. He is respected in the community and happy. Sadly this will be one of the few happy moments in the film. When his wife goes on a three week job, cooking, she takes his children and Solomon tells her that he will not be idle while she is gone. Shortly after seeing them off, he meets two men who are looking for a violin player to play their “circus” down to Washington and then they will pay his way back to New York. Instead he finds himself drugged and sold into slavery in the deep south under the name Platt, the name of a runaway slave who bore a resemblance to him. After being beaten and witnessing the death of another slave, he decides that cooperation is the only way to survive. He is sold to a man named Ford (played by Sherlock’s Benedict Cumberbatch) who is kinder than most and impressed with Solomon’s work sets him up with a more pleasant ( I shudder at using the word pleasant) life on the plantation. After a bad incident with an overseer, Ford is forced to sell him to another plantation run by the chilling Edwin Epps (played ferociously by Michael Fassbender) and he is driven further into the world of slavery in the South. 

Facing the cruelty of Epps, Solomon attempts to send word to his family and free himself but every effort is thwarted by Epps or the general notions of the world he lived in. He is less than a man and therefore as property of Edwin Epps, he is forced to the whims of a madman. Oscar nominee Lupita Nyong’o, receives the worst of Epps and his whims. Throughout the film Solomon struggles to not only stay alive, but to retain that shadow of the man he once was. Finally after presumably twelve years at the mercy of this system of corruption, cruelty and despair, Solomon meets up with a Canadian abolitionist (played by a Quaker bearded Brad Pitt) who listens to his story and though scared for his own well being, offers to help Solomon.

Ejiofor is an actor that can play any scene and tell you what he feels with very little dialogue. Here he seems to watch from outside his body the calamity that has become of his life. There is little he can do to change his fate but try to survive. He fights hard to retain the free man inside of him and succeeds in telling Solomon’s story. Every moment of his life in this film is a horror that he can only look upon with incredulity. The same can be said for Michael Fassbender’s Epps. He convinces you of Epps’ belief that the men and women he bought are his property and therfore his to use. Perhaps the most powerful moments involve Nyong’o and his absolute love of a woman who despises him. Every touch adds a new level of his growing hatred for her. Nyong’o , for her part, is capable to stand with these actors and deliver powerful moment after powerful moment. Through the film, she is the helplessness that Solomon feels and the inability to change where you are and what you must do to survive.

Twelve Years a Slave is a shocking and powerful movie that pulls no punches when it comes to slavery. Every horror and tragedy is examined and brought to light. This is a movie that should be seen. It isn’t a pleasant romp or a great love story or a tale of triumph in impossible odds. Solomon Northup’s life was robbed. Every slave in the South was robbed of the ability to be free and the right to be treated as a human being. This story needed to be told. I, for one, am better and more compassionate for having seen this film. Facing intolerable cruelty (personified by Michael Fassbender), Solomon Northup struggles through 12 years of trying to stay alive and retain his humanity. Some had to live their entire life in the shadow of cruelty and misery. Twelve Years A Slave is a story everyone should see and one that I will root for as the Best Picture of 2013. I haven’t seen many of Steve McQueen’s films but now I will search out for them because he so powerfully and painfully moved me. I hope that everyone who reads this will go to see this movie. Solomon Northup was a hero and his story deserves to be told to anyone and everyone. Thanks to Twelve Years A Slave (the book and the movie), no one will ever forget it.

Mr. Unhappy sez: In the race for Best picture, Twelve Years a Slave should win. It is a movie that deserves to win, has a story that needs to be seen and in the end is the only movie I’ve seen in this group that personifies the term “Best Picture”. I still love “Her” and personally it will be my best picture but Twelve Years a Slave should be the world’s Best Picture.