Wednesday, July 18, 2018

When your balls shrink to the size of a small ball bearing


Skyscraper


I am deathly afraid of heights, a condition I’ve had since a child. I can’t even climb a ladder without my anus contracting a bit and vertigo giving me a head rush. So, when I see these bullshit daredevils climbing buildings and hanging themselves off them whilst laughing, I begin to question millennials and my generation’s parenting skills. Teach your children a fear of heights. Climbing shit isn’t fun, they may think they are in control but they aren’t. People have fallen to their deaths and still people run up the cables on the Golden Gate Bridge and hang off the towers over traffic. But look! One haaaaaaaaaaaaaand... splat… it’s stupid. Heights…just say no. OK, rant over. New rant later. I’ve always been good at avoiding heights. No ladders, Ferris Wheels (never again Teresa), or anything that takes me off the ground more than I can jump and I’m white as sour cream.  So, I can’t really be too mad at anyone but myself for going to see The Rock jump off a super-crane and nearly having a panic attack. Can I? Can I blame The Rock? Maybe I can sue…did you hear he made 124 million dollars last year? Time to make that cheddar.
To be fair, Skyscraper is good movie. I had a good time (panic attack not included) but if you’ve seen Die Hard, you’ve seen this movie. Only differences are John McClane is The Rock, is named Will Sawyer and only has one leg. The other, we learn, was blown off in a SWAT intervention gone bad. Saved by Sarah, Will finds his way again creating a family with played happily by Neve Campbell. I’m a big fan of hers and this movie doesn’t lessen that. Why is she not in more? She’s beautiful, can bring box office and can act. Neve’s Sarah is a good mom and she and Will are happy.  No longer in SWAT, Will works as a security consultant and his work brings Will and the family to The Pearl, a luxury city located within the tallest skyscraper in the world. All they need is a glowing security assessment from Will (a favor called in by another SWAT member injured in the leg blowing off incident) and they will have the insurance necessary to open their city to the world. Will, Sarah, and kids have an entire floor to themselves and the run of the building. Will leaves so Daddy can “make that bacon” … I shit you not this is a sentence that comes from the Rock’s lips. He could fart better lines. Will is finishing his work at an off-site facility when he is attacked. Soon, the terrorists have the Pearl burning with Sarah and the kids stuck inside. Will works his way back the Pearl and to get into the building leaps from that super-crane I mentioned. Apparently, he made it because he isn’t a ghost for the rest of the movie. I didn’t know how he did it though because I was staring at my lap which was suddenly fascinating.
Skyscraper is the type of movie that can thrill you and give you good heart. It may be nothing new but the story is a good one and not unenjoyable. The Rock and Neve Campbell have solid chemistry and we can see a relationship there built on love and trust. Their family is solid and as a viewer we want to see them survive. We also have little doubt they would. While unpopular, I would have been amazed and just flabbergasted if the terrorist (bland one number 5) just chucked one of the kids out of one of the many holes The Rock blasts in it. The story wouldn’t change much except that the Rock would be further motivated to kill the Hans Gruber wannabe. At least no one would have seen that coming. This is simply a paint by numbers action movie. Rock is a good man, family in danger, Rock does crazy stupid shit that should kill him, family saved, terrorists dead, Merry Christmas. You’ll be entertained and have clean shorts if you aren’t a wuss like me. Skyscraper is a competent action movie. No doubt of that but no new ground being broken here.
Mr. Unhappy sez:  Worth the time and money to see it on the big screen unless for some ungodly reason, you think you wanna try climbing a skyscraper. Then you just stay at home and play a board game. You clearly can’t handle adrenaline correctly.

Rant #2
I’ve been noticing a trend in society that gives me pause. I can understand the motivation and the subject is a serious one.  Inclusion. Recently, Scarlett Johansson felt obligated to pull out of a movie in which she would play a man transitioning to a woman. Advocates for the transgender community wanted the role to go to a trans actor/actress. I get the need for inclusion; indeed, I’d demand it from Hollywood if I could, but making a-list stars back out of roles is not the correct answer. Movies about transgenders are not mainstream yet. A big budget movie with a name actor/actress in it opens the door for more mainstream Trans characters and therefore more work for trans actors. Skyscraper too, came under fire, for hiring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson instead of an actor missing a leg. We need inclusion and sadly we’ll have to drag movie producers with us. We just can’t force it into happening. We need to prove America and the world want to see this movie. A movie about a trans woman would reach more people with a name star like Scarlett Johansson and could increase roles for trans actors in supporting roles. Those actors, just like Ms. Johansson did, could make the best of their supporting roles and voila. We now have a bankable Trans star who can lead movies and, most importantly, make money for the studio that will want to bankroll more inclusive movies. So, I’m not a fan of this trend.  It’s not gonna help more Trans or Amputee actors get roles in big movies. It’s gonna stop them from being made and that helps no one.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Things to watch on Hulu and one in theaters


Ant Man and The Wasp




Do I really have to approve this movie for you to go see it? Paul Rudd stars again as Scott Lang/Ant-Man. It is a good movie but really more of the same. Scott is funny, Hope (Evangeline Lilly) is cute and bad ass, and Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) is gruff and irritable. I kinda wished the movie went somewhere different but this movie is safe and fun. Nothing too outside the box. I enjoyed this movie and while I was told that seeing it in 3-D was worthwhile, it isn’t that dramatic.  Overall there isn’t much to hate and not much more to love. If you liked Ant-Man… you’ll like this. If you didn’t… you won’t. This is about as simple an equation I can make for a movie.
Mr. Unhappy sez:
Fun, flirty and easy to manage. This movie is the Vogue magazine hairdo of the summer.



Josie


Josie is a different type of movie. Sophie Turner plays the title character Josie, a young girl on her own living in a residential hotel and being way too flirty with the resident weirdo, Dylan McDermott’s Hank. Hank is a recluse who prefers his pet tortoises to the people in his small Texas community. He works as a security guard of sorts at the local high school being abused by the students more than keeping them in line. Josie arrives, and his world is turned upside down. We’ve all had those women who enter our lives and make us crazy with desire and the flirting games they play with us. Josie plays Hank like a fiddle. Coming on to him only to hit on Marcus, a rebellious teen who is a constant thorn in Hank’s side. Dates are made and canceled until the secret Josie is keeping is revealed. Josie isn’t a movie that will surprise you at every turn but it is a competent thriller. You root for Hank and against Marcus. In the end, Josie isn’t an innocent teen as she appears and Hank isn’t the ignorant hick he portrays to the world. Josie keeps you engaged and is worth a watch if you want to.

Mr. Unhappy sez:  Josie is no pussycat but maybe I’d like it better if she was.


It (2017)




Based on the Stephen King novel of the same name, It was a movie I was very interested in once it was announced. As much as I’d love to look back fondly at the 1990’s miniseries with Tim Curry as Pennywise the Dancing clown, I can’t. Is it always gonna have a place in my nostalgic heart? Of course but it is not a good movie. The latest It is a good movie, scary, creepy and a little bit nostalgic itself. The story involves a group of preteens who stumble across the monster stalking the children in their small town. Together the Loser’s Club team up to fight and kill IT before IT can kill more kids. For this movie, the moved the story up to the 1980’s from the 1950’s and the sequel will take place 27 years later in modern times. The kids are really the story here and Andy Muschietti gets that telling the horrors of youth through a coming of age movie. Pennywise is real and a little more menacing than Tim Curry ever was but to be fair they aren’t playing the same character. Bill Skaarsgard plays Pennywise as a monster while Tim Curry played him as a clown…quite literally. That’s probably the only mistake I can see in this movie is that Pennywise is given no real humor. The common complaint on the internet is that no child would approach this Pennywise. Curry’s Pennywise was genial and happy, relishing the knowledge that when he kills, it will be with the full trust of the child. That makes him slightly more frightening from a character standpoint. Yet even with constant creepiness, Pennywise is scary and interesting in this new iteration. I love the novel and am hopelessly nostalgic about the miniseries. This movie gets me scared the way I was when I read the book the first time when I was 12 (way too young but I always wanted to read the books my brother did) and I had to turn the cover face down before I went to sleep so the clown wouldn’t come out of the book and get me.

Mr. Unhappy sez: This is the It you would’ve hoped for in the 1990’s if you knew it could be done. This movie floats high and creepily above most movies. Hopefully Chapter 2 will float too.



Almost Friends

Another Hulu impulse watch like Josie, Almost Friends is about Freddie Highmore’s Charlie, a 20 something stuck in life. Once a rising star as a chef, Charlie has moved back in with his mother and stepdad, and works at the vintage movie theater, not going anywhere. He’s in stalker love with the local Barista, Amber, who is dating the local track star. Soon Amber begins to like him back or maybe she just isn’t happy with her boyfriend. The romantic story in the movie is slow and realistic while continually making Charlie look foolish. Amber is not a sympathetic character. She plays as though her boyfriend is inattentive and self obsessed and in many ways he is but she doesn’t ever really give him a chance to step up. Instead she leans on Charlie and leads him into believing she’s falling for him. She might be but she should probably figure that out before she turns to Charlie. There are a lot of moments in this movie but it never really takes off. The love story is complicated, the family story is predictable, and Charlie never really loses out on anything. I enjoyed it but only so far as I always root for any character played by Freddie Highmore. Even his Norman Bates was someone I rooted for and he was killing people. Freddie Highmore deserves better and while it is good to see Haley Joel Osment again, I wish he could find a better role. The talent is still there. Ultimately Almost Friends fails because it isn’t a fan of it’s own story. It never chooses a lane. I guess it could be considered more realistic but when I watch a romantic movie, I don’t want realism. My empty bed that I come home to every night wishing that she’d be there, wake sleepily and say “Where were you babe?” gives me enough of that. I want hope for love and kisses that look as though the two leads have actually kissed someone before.

Mr. Unhappy sez: Competent but not great. Smart but not brilliant. Romantic but not unrealistic enough. Worth a look if you want to see Christopher Meloni’s ass.


Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Binging and Purging


Binging The Purge.



In 2013, The Purge debuted and was a success. The story was simple. In the not to distant future (next Sunday A.D.?), the United States government creates a national purge. Rules are simple, for 12 hours all laws are suspended, and you can do whatever you want to do. You want to kill that annoying neighbor who is constantly asking you to Parcheesi night with her cat Mr. Snuggles…do it. Do you want to kill, rape and pillage? You can. There is no consequence. After 12 hours we, having fed our dark side, can go back to our normal lives tolerating Parcheesi and Mr. Snuggles again because not only does the law demand it but you want to. Crime is down, unemployment is the lowest it has ever been, and poverty is virtually nonexistent.  It works… unless you are one of the impoverished who can’t afford to defend themselves and are the most likely victims of the Purge. At least for 4 movies and an upcoming 10-part TV show on USA. It is a genius idea for a fictional film. It is timely too. Many of the same arguments 2nd Amendment lifers use to defend their right to guns despite gun violence is the same rationale Purgers use to defend Purging.  The lives of others mean less than the right to Purge. The death of the lower class means nothing compared to the right to Purge. A movie that seems stupid and full of typical horror scares really has a message.

The latest movie in the series, a prequel named The First Purge, opens today on The Fourth of July. I was laying about yesterday and decided to binge watch the entire series so far and finally get back on this severely neglected blog and hopefully jump start my desire to write it again. For those still reading, I applaud you and thank you. The rest of you are on a list and I will deal with you during our upcoming first purge. You know it’s coming…

The Purge

 
The Purge is memorable for one reason in this series. It gave us the concept. Other than that, it is a bit of a snore-fest. Ethan Hawke is James Sandin, a wealthy man who earns his wealth selling security systems for people who don’t participate in the Purge. So, as we begin, James, his wife and his two kids are preparing for another Purge Night safe behind the walls of their “secure” home. Through a series of both stupid and ridiculous events, James and his family are pulled into participating in this year’s purge whether they want to or not. The villains are interesting at first. They are faceless members of a society who want to kill a man they know escaped into the Sandin’s home. They are terrifying in the same way the killers in the Strangers are until they take off their masks. Why would you do that? You are much more terrifying as a faceless monster. When the mask is gone, you lose creepiness and gain the Zack Morris douchebaggery that isn’t scary just slightly comical and weak. The Purge also fails by containing it with one family and ignoring the larger world of the Purge. This film could’ve elevated and given us the terror of Purge Night beyond the crying and whiny Sandin family. I can understand why this movie is contained because it is the first unproven entity of the series, but it really feels like a cheat to the viewer. We watched the trailer for this movie were promised a view of the Purge world. Sadly, we never really see the world outside on Purge night except in news clips. This movie is concerned with the Sandin family and little else. I just didn’t care all that much about them. James is a bit of an asshole, his wife is very one dimensional, his son is an idiot who causes the whole problem and his daughter is just a moody teen mad because she couldn’t bang her boyfriend on Purge Night. Why do I want to root for them? If your answer is only because they are the main characters, you don’t understand how movies should work. The film dictates your emotions not the irrelevant contrivance of who is deemed worthy. James and his brood are not good people. They profit from the fear and death around them. Maybe that is what the movie is trying to say. Maybe they deserve the fate they receive. Either way it falls just short of saying this and just left me feeling cheated and bored. 

Mr. Unhappy sez: What? What happened?You were on a gravy train with biscuit wheels! This may be why I took 4 years to buckle in for…


The Purge: Anarchy


Thankfully The Purge: Anarchy takes the concept and raises the stakes. We finally get to see what we came to see. This film is almost entirely during the Purge. We have characters who matter who are trapped against their will in the mayhem and chaos of Purge Night. Well all characters except Leo, played by Frank Grillo (From Captain America: Winter Soldier) who is a broken man preparing to enter this year’s Purge ready and with laser like focus on committing the murder he’s been planning to commit. He’s a good man, with training and skill, embracing the world around him until he comes across a mother Tanya and her daughter Eva who are set up for slaughter. Besides Leo, Tanya and Eva we also have a couple, Shane and Liz, who are breaking up, who have their car break down just before the Purge begins. Obviously, they will come together during the Purge Night and realize the love they still have for each other. The Purge: Anarchy is a pretty damn good movie. The violence is over the top and shocking but consistent with this world. Every step of the way, our heroes are in constant danger from gangs of Purging marauders, an odd group of government mercenaries sent out to keep the numbers of dead high, and even in the seeming safety of friend’s homes. Anarchy also gives us more background on the NFFA (New Founding Fathers of America) the overall series big bad and the themes of racism and class warfare that make this series more than just a horror movie. The idea of a government run war on the poor and people of color is especially important if you watch this through the lens of Trump’s America. The Purge: Anarchy is a smart adventure that opens you up to what the series is attempting to say to us. It delivers on the promise of the first movie and moves the story forward so the themes of racism and class warfare are front and center and shows that those who are purging are not moral but killers. End of story. 

Mr. Unhappy sez: A course correction and a great movie. If you like the idea of the first movie, you’ll feel the payoff here. The course is set for…

The Purge: Election Year


Election Year is a step back from Anarchy but not too far back. Leo is back (spoilers), this time as a secret service agent protecting a nominee for President opposed to the Purge played by Lost’s Elizabeth Mitchell. Election Year is basically a return to Anarchy where we again assemble a group of potential victims who must survive the night when things go wrong (as they always do). There is Joe Dixon, a shop owner who loses his Purge insurance the day of The Purge and must stay at his shop to protect it from the catholic school girls who tried to steal a candy bar. There is Marcos, Joe’s employee, who volunteers to help Joe protect the shop over Joe’s objections and seems to be handy with a gun. Finally, we meet Laney, a triage medic who spends Purge Night driving around in an ambulance, trying to help victims and is apparently a bad ass. The enemy NFFA gets fleshed out as we see the behind the scenes machinations and their need to keep the Purge going at any cost. As the election approaches (apparently elections occur in May in Purge land), Mitchell’s Charlie Roan is surging in popularity and has become a threat the NFFA cannot ignore anymore. So the NFFA suspends the rule that government officials are given immunity during the Purge so they can kill Charlie.  Leo, basically the Jack Bauer of the Purge, is gonna have another bad night Purge night as he struggles to protect Charlie despite betrayals from within the secret service, roving bands of mercenaries roaming the capital with a kill order for Charlie and the opposition to the NFFA planning a strike on high ranking members of the NFFA. Election Year is a smart movie (at times) and continues the story line of racism and class warfare in our Purge world. Charlie, a survivor of a Purge Night that took her entire family, has a need to end The Purge. The NFFA see her as a threat to the peace they’ve created in America and are willing to fight to save it.  It is mostly a slightly lesser version of Anarchy with new characters and a political subplot. While I liked this movie, it was just not quite as good as Anarchy, probably because we no longer have the element of surprise that Anarchy had as we’ve now seen a Purge. It’s just a rehash of Anarchy and I would’ve enjoyed a new fresh angle. If they had started the series with Anarchy’s story and then grounded and delivered a smart contained movie here, it would’ve been welcome. Imagine the whole movie taking place in a house where Charlie is trapped with Leo in a house while people hunted them. They try to add  a new subplot of the Purge as a religion but  it never really becomes believable. It is by far not the worst of the series but  overall…

Mr. Unhappy Sez:  Election Year is a smart and engaging story that gives you another purge night to enjoy the carnage. It is not a bad movie but not great either. Great in this series is reserved for…


The First Purge



Now we come to the latest and frankly my favorite of the series. The First Purge takes us all the way back to the first experiment that led to creating The Purge of later movies. The government has chosen to close off Staten Island and suspend all laws for 12 hours. They will pay citizens to stay on the island and give cash rewards for purging. Nya is opposed to the Purge and runs a protest opposing it. Her brother, Isaiah is desperate for a way out of the projects and takes a job slinging rock on a corner for crime boss Dmitri, who once dated Nya and is not happy to learn of Isaiah’s involvement in his empire. The NFFA story line is headlined by Marisa Tomei, who offers a little star support as the scientist who created the experiment that would become The Purge. The First Purge begins simply enough with people partying and looting stores rather than killing. The NFFA has given all purge volunteers special contacts that cause the Purge participants eyes to glow in a very creepy effect while it records what each participant does for distribution to the media. Isaiah, after being disrespected and cut by scary crackhead Skeletor (yes really), sets out to use the Purge to enact his revenge on Skeletor. After a series of events, Nya leaves her church sanctuary to rescue Isaiah and they are stuck on the street.  Dmitri, who was content to hide in his compound, begins to see he can’t just sit back and let the NFFA destroy his island empire. This addition to the series is a breath of fresh air as it reboots the whole idea and shows you how something this odd and immoral could begin. The NFFA is trying to save America (sound familiar). America is overpopulated, drowning in debt, and the NFFA is a fresh voice offering solutions to our problems. It is easy to see how people could be swayed by them but they need this to work and are willing to do whatever they can to make it happen. It is both relatable and terrifying to see what is very much happening in America right now in a new way. The NFFA are just trying to help America be great again. That it means killing people of color and the lower class is the part Americans seem willing to overlook for their comfort. The Purge films and The First Purge particularly are a parable of our current times and honestly has a valid viewpoint that drives this story. While this may work in this world what are we becoming by doing it. I cared about the characters (which barring the first movie I have in each of them) and wanted them to survive. The story flows in a logical way and isn’t just a new version of Anarchy which is where Election Year fell short. While there is some ridiculousness in the third act you should, if you’re watching the fourth movie in this series, know what you’re getting into. I’m excited to see where the TV show goes.  

Mr. Unhappy sez:  Crazy as it is this movie in particular and the series as a whole is a great statement about our country and our democracy. See it if you want a fun time, some scares and an interesting narrative. The First Purge may be scarier because it shows how close we are to this world. 



In the grand scheme of things, I’d rank these in the following order:

1. The First Purge
2. The Purge: Anarchy
3. The Purge: Election Year
4. The Purge
 
As for the whole series…

Mr. Unhappy sez: I liked The Purge movies. They aren’t Oscar bait but they are easy and entertaining while still having a message. I’m interested to see what they do with the TV show.

The binge and Purge is now complete… until the TV show.