Freddy: Made up of souls...

I’ve had one of those weeks which scrunch the scrotum and makes you feel as though there is nothing about yourself worth redemption. As an unemployed blogger, there is very little we can do with any regularity. Going to the movies is one of those things. So I’ve fallen back on my DVD collection and the Instant Watch of my Netflix subscription. People always ask me why I named myself Mr. Unhappy and weeks like this seem to reinforce why I did. This is not your problem so on to the movies...

Tonight’s little quick hits party is about the Nightmare on Elm Street series. Recently I sat down and saw a 4 hour documentary on the series and then watched the entire 7 movie series. The documentary is called “Never Sleep Again : The Elm Street Legacy”. I’d recommend it for those of us who love the horror. As far as the Nightmare movies hold up:

A Nightmare on Elm Street

The best of the series... by far. Heather Langencamp stars as Nancy, the foil for Robert Englund’s Freddy Krueger. As the movie opens we follow the pretty Tina about the world of her dream where a mysterious man is stalking her. So shook up by the dreams she enlists Nancy and Glen (played by a young unknown named Johnny Depp, miles before his Captain Jack days) to spend the night with her. Her boyfriend Rod shows up and appears to have had the same dream as Nancy and Tina but shrugs it off. When Tina dies spectacularly spinning around the room, Nancy begins to learn how to stop the monster in her dreams before all of her friends are killed. I’ve always loved the genius of the original story and the acting of Langencamp, Robert Englund, and of course the hall monitor who says “Where’s your pass?!” Wes Craven proved that he was a player here and created a world that led to 6 sequels. An excellent movie.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 : Freddy’s Revenge

Sometimes an idea seems great on paper and then when it is accomplished you look back and say “How did we make a horror movie about what it means to be a closeted gay man?” Nightmare 2 is that movie in which Freddy attempts to use the body of a young high school boy to enter the world and kill again. A new family has taken up residence in the house from the original movie. When young Jesse Walsh finds Nancy’s diary in his closet he becomes a link for Freddy to come to the real world through him. Again this movie works because there is a lot of subtext and smart kills. Where it falls apart is in breaking rules set up in the first film. When Freddy crashes a pool party, all the rules are tossed out the window. It is a mismanagement of the series and one that needed to be addressed in the next film in the series. This movie is worth a viewing but as part of the series it is the odd duck out.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

Luckily for the series, it gets back on track with the script from series originator Wes Craven and some touch up work by Frank Darabont (Shawshank Redemption, Green Mile, The Mist and Walking Dead among his credits) and the return of Heather Langencamp as Nancy who is now helping the other Elm Street kids fight Freddy Krueger. Patricia Arquette debuts and foreshadows her role in Medium by waking violently as Kristen who has the ability to pull others into her dreams with her. Together with a group of kids they go into their dreams and fight Freddy. The movie series elevates itself to a new level (and one the series won’t see again until New Nightmare) and creates a movie icon out of Robert Englund’s Krueger. The deaths are more elaborate and restore Freddy to his nightmarish self. Nightmare 3 also has the most iconic quip of any horror movie. “Welcome to prime-time bitch!” made Englund’s career and ensured his stay in Make-up chairs for years to come. The series is remade and buried Krueger once and for all... yeah right.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master

Nightmare 4 reunites the survivors of 3 (for like 10 minutes at least) with the subtraction of Patricia Arquette who is replaced by Tuesday Knight. The last of the Elm Street kids do not last long and Kristen accidently pulls her new BFF Alice into her dream allowing Freddy access to a new batch of kids. Alice has a power too though and takes on the abilities of her friends after they die and offers the first person to ever be evenly matched with Freddy in the dream world. The Dream Master raises the stakes of the last movie but disappoints with lackluster deaths and a general lack of respect for the last movie. A dog pissing on Freddy’s consecrated grave is what allows him to be freed from the trap from Nightmare 3. It is the sign of things to come for the series. Still enjoyable but they erase any connection to the last movie within the first act. I would have enjoyed seeing the Dream Warriors survive a little longer. After all, this is not their first trip down the aisle with Freddy Krueger’s nightmares. Alice is a competent survivor but this movie leaves you wondering what could have been had New Line taken a little more time with the script and given a little more money.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child

Here is where we just start getting silly with this series. It happens with every horror franchise. Friday the 13th fell apart at number 3, Halloween at number 5, Hellraiser at number 2. There is very little to enjoy here. Alice is back, minus her dream master abilities, and she has been a busy girl with her boyfriend from Dream Master, Dan. She begins having waking dreams which shed some light on Freddy Krueger’s past and it is learned after a death that she is pregnant. Freddy is trying to return to Earth through the child, using his dreams to pull Alice into the dream world. I don’t know if they just slapped this together as they went but it seems like they didn’t put much thought behind this movie. Krueger is no longer scary and is now a caricature of himself. His quips fall flat, the deaths are spectacular but boring and the add a victim problem of any horror series becomes readily apparent here. Some characters just don’t belong and therefore are not long for the movie. In fact, some of the kids are so obnoxious that you don’t even care when they die. Just a bad addition to the series but watchable...barely.

Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare

The tagline for this movie is “They saved the best for last.” I won’t say this movie is the best but it is much better than the Dream Child debacle. Freddy sends out the last child in Springwood (the city decimated by Krueger throughout the series) to retrieve the one person who can free him from the confines of the small town and unleash him on the world at large, his child. Freddy’s Dead allows the viewer access to some of the life of Krueger before his death and gives the series a conclusion. The problem with it is, that Freddy is so iconic that when the time comes for his death almost anything falls short. They couldn’t really have satisfied you but they leave you wanting with a bad 3-D sequence. I’ll say that I laughed more than I jumped during this movie. When it comes to scares, it was time for Freddy to disappear for awhile.

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare

So 3 years after burying Freddy, Wes Craven had a dream that pulled him back into the series. He conceived the idea that Freddy was inhabited by evil itself and that when the movie series ended, the evil wanted more victims so he went into our world to pull his ultimate enemy back into the movies going after Heather Langencamp (playing herself) and her family. This movie is a trip down the rabbit hole with Heather as she frantically tries to find out what is plaguing her family and wondering if she can become the person her son needs her to be to survive. The genius in taking this movie out of the world of Springwood to our world breathes new life in the series although adds the wooden acting of Bob Shaye and Wes Craven. New Nightmare allows the series to grow and become scary again. The new Freddy is scary again, less comic and has a new glove made of bone. It is an awesome bookend to the series.

Mr. Unhappy sez of the entire series: A more or less even series, probably the best of any horror franchise. If you have the time, there is a lot worse things you can do with it. 

I will tell you that I enjoyed the new remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street with Jackie Earle Haley taking over for Robert Englund as Freddy Krueger. It was a scary fun movie but for this I wanted to keep the series limited to the Robert Englund versions. I don’t think it would be fair or worthwhile to compare these two very different versions. I will be doing a best of the remakes blog soon which will most certainly have this movie on it.

The Next Induction to the Unhappiest Hall of Fame...

Yes Yes I am a jerk, a bad man and a doofus who quite literally forgot to write in his blog. Yes, I know, you live for this stuff and my not being here throws off your whole week. All I can say is that in the past two weeks my life has been thrown off schedule and I will attempt to rectify that blog first. I will let my love life and family issues fall by the wayside to bring you what I owe to you, loyal reader.

So what movie did I see tonight? Oh Crapsticks! I didn’t see a movie tonight so I shall fall back on a stalwart movie that makes me smile, cry, laugh and tingle with excitement (in an innocent way, (pervy readers). I will now induct a classic of family entertainment to the Mr. Unhappy Hall of Fame... I give you...

The Neverending Story

I know what you are thinking because I thought it too. If the story is neverending, how could I not still be watching it? It is a stumper but since they made two sequels you can get probably close to 5 hours of constant neverending stories. Better than nothing.

The story opens with a small boy named Bastian who enjoys dreaming of unicorns and magic but whose father wants him to get his head out of the clouds and buckle down in school. School is not a fun place for Bastian who is bullied and tossed in a dumpster before he even reaches the front door. It is quite obvious that Bastian is a outcast probably of his own making. In a few years, Bastian very well may enter his school looking for those kids who tossed him in a dumpster with an AK-47. School is hard enough without being the weakling. So Bastian hides in a bookstore and runs across Mr. Koreander. He is reading a book called... wait for it... The Neverending Story. Despite it being “unsafe” as Mr. Koreander tells him, when the bookstore owner turns his back Bastian steals it.

Thus begins the neverending story, as Bastian narrates the story of a mysterious Nothing that is eating the land of Fantasia and it’s inhabitants are travelling to see The Childlike Empress to see if she can put an end to the story. Unfortunately, the Empress is sick and cannot help but she has sent for the great warrior Atreyu to travel to find the answers everyone needs. Atreyu arrives in the form of a little boy and everyone is dubious that he can find the answers themselves. I can’t say he inspired much confidence in me (especially since I could not tell if he was a boy or a girl. It gave the heterosexual in me pause.) Atreyu does go on the mission and the adventure takes him through Fantasia. The Nothing employs a wolf like Gmork to chase him down but with a luck dragon on his side, Atreyu does find answers. The nothing that is eating Fantasia is caused by the lack of dreaming in children and only a human boy can save them. The boy who is reading the story. Bastian himself.

What I love about this movie is that it made me feel OK with being a dreamer. It offered up that my dreams and stories could be keeping whole worlds alive. I think that is something important to  teach children. It is important to go to school and begin the path towards life but at the same time, it is great to nurture the imagination. Let kids be kids while they still have time. Let them dream of creepy luck dragons or little people who watch over the southern oracle or Gmorks that chase down boys and kill them. It will not break them to have dark thoughts but will enliven them to the process of dealing with death. The story that is neverending is the stories we pass on to each other. Stories of Atreyu the boy warrior or a rock chewer or a guy who rides a racing snail. 

I’ve found that in an age when even kids movies or books are all based on dealing with the psychological traumas of being a child, you need to encourage them to make up some things for themselves. Allow them to create and enjoy looking at a tree or the clouds for a few hours. Homework and reality will always be there but in the end, the story of working at a bad job will always be there when they come back from the clouds. 

Mr. Unhappy Sez: When the time comes for children to not dream, the end of days will be near... sit and watch this movie again with a child or by yourself and let yourself dream a little.

Quotes

Falcor: Never give up and good luck will find you.

__________________________________________________________________


Rock Biter: A delicious-looking limestone rock. Mmm! Mmm! Nice bouquet. Must be a real vintage year.
Night Hob: [laughs nervously] Yes, you're right. Those delicious rocks are the reason we camped here, all right.
[to Teeny Weeny]
Night Hob: Is he a nutcase?
Teeny Weeny: No, he's a Rock Biter.
Night Hob: A Rock Biter... A Rock Biter!

__________________________________________________________________

Atreyu: What will happen if he doesn't appear?
The Childlike Empress: [sadly] Then our world will disappear - and so will I.
Atreyu: How could he let that happen?
The Childlike Empress: He doesn't understand that he's the one who has the power to stop it. He simply can't imagine that one little boy could be that important.
Bastian: Is it really me?
Atreyu: Maybe he doesn't know what he has to do!
Bastian: [shouts] What DO I have to do?
The Childlike Empress: He has to give me a new name. He's already chosen it. He just has to call it out.

__________________________________________________________________

The Always Dreamin Golden Mr. Unhappies!

The Neverending Story - Sickest and Most Stuck In My Brain Opening Theme Song Award

Noah Hathaway - Cutest Girl Who is Actually a Boy Award

Tami Stronach - Cutest Girl Who is Actually A Girl Award
                            Most Childlike of Empresses Award


Gross Revenue : 100,000,000 (including video sales)
                               20,000,000   (In Theaters US)

Up Next:

Quick Hits:

A Nightmare On Unhappy Elm Street

Coming Soon: Trailers Near You

When I was at dinner tonight, en route to a movie afterwards, I was told that I get really upset if I miss the trailers (or Coming Attractions). I do so I really didn’t have much of an argument.   I simply said “I like to see what is coming soon.” Yet it is more than that. I love the moment when I sit down and get comfortable and the screen lights up and gives me a sneak peek of what’s to come. After that, I can say “Yes!” or “Hell no!” or anything in between. It is a time to see a movie still in infancy and see what they have to offer.

The movie trailer is the production company’s first chance to lure me in or keep me away. Sure many things go into the decision of whether I want to see a movie or not but in the end, if that trailer is garbage, you are not gonna get me to fork over my hard earned (or lightly earned) dollars. If the movie is for a teenage girl (Twilight, Princess Diaries, or any R-Patz infused teeny bopper drama), a well crafted and interesting trailer can make even an old man like me want to see it. 

Many things enter into the decision to make a good trailer. First, does it tell a story? Not the entire story but it gives me the idea of what the movie is about. Second, does it only contain the best scenes of the movie? If you have cut together all the scenes in the movie that make the movie worth watching, then do you really have a movie worth watching? It seems to me like you have a 2-5 minute movie at best. Finally, tell me what your story has that I want to see. If you make a trailer that flashes epileptic flashing lights at me and add a fart joke, I will simply not tune in. Make an effort, even if you have a movie for kids, to market something for me or I don’t know, a parent? Here are some breakdowns of some coming soons that I’ve seen recently. Some work and some just leave me with a blank look on my face and some just make me turn my head to my movie mates and say “I don’t think so.”

Abduction

Here is a movie that had me with it’s intial hook. Taylor Lautner stars as a kid who has always felt out of place. He’s interested in a girl who seems to like him. Then he sees a computer aged photo of an abducted child which looks exactly like him. I am in. The idea that a child is living in a house, unaware that the people that have raised him, are not his actual parents. This is a story I want to see. Then the movie loses me. All of a sudden Lautner goes from innocent kidnap victim to James Bond in the body of a teenage wolf. He’s kicking people, blowing up houses and destroying secret agents plans. Makes me wonder if the story was originally about a teen who found out his parents were kidnappers and the movie company says “We can get the wolf from Twilight, let’s amp up the action!” Abduction works for half of the trailer and then blows up... literally.

Rise of the Planet of The Apes

This movie only has a teaser trailer but even from that you can see what the story is. The Planet of The Apes told the story of a astronaut who travelled through time and ended up on Earth many thousands of years from when he started and found out that we were taken over by Apes. This movie is the story of how the apes became intelligent. From the opening with James Franco telling us about a drug that can restore brain function then leading to a all out revolt of the Ape test subjects. It is our own worst nightmare. The animals we test our products on, destroy us. A little message about animal testing perhaps? I don’t know but from the one minute of trailer I saw, I am already lined up for this one.

Fast Five

I don’t think you can see a movie in the theater without seeing this trailer about thieves in fast cars being chased by the Rock and all their ladies wearing tight small bikinis that make your pants go “Hello!” Yes the movie is an eye catching action smorgasborg of sex, violence and cool car chases. Not to mention and improbable leap off of a car flying probably a thousand feet into a ravine. I will see Fast Five but sadly the only reason I will is because I have seen the first Fast 4 movies in the franchise. That and the ladies make my pants say “Hello!” Quick question: Is Vin Diesel still a relevant action star? Yes? O.K. Just checking. 

Daydream Nation

This is a movie I haven’t even heard of. I was briefly wondering if this is a straight to DVD movie that slipped past and will soon be on Instant Watch and streaming directly to me. Instead I was surprised to find out that it stars the young talented Kat Dennings and was about her senior year of high school after movie from the city to the town from Footloose or a close faximile. Does it have sex, drama, comedy and goodness? Hell yes. Does it tell me a story that makes me say “Yes, I will see that.”? Yes it does. It is a good and informative trailer.

HALL OF FAME TRAILER: The Minus Man

  I’ve only once come across a movie trailer that made my mouth drop open and say “I NEED to see that movie!” The Minus Man is not a great movie. It stars Owen Wilson as a serial killer. None of that is in the trailer. It opens on a couple coming out of the theater in which The Minus Man is playing. They talk and roam about New York, discussing what they loved or what they didn’t understand. Suddenly the guy points to the horizon and says “Look at that!” The sun is rising, they’ve discussed the movie all night. The girl looks at her watch and takes off at a sprint towards something. She slams through a door and starts ripping her clothes off and dashes through another door where two senior citizens float face down in a pool. She is now wearing a red lifeguard uniform and is holding a Hasselhoff red floatation device. The movie was so good, people died. 

This trailer told me a story. It wasn’t about the movie but it was a story about the movie. It told me that people would get so worked up in the story, that you could forget even the most serious of jobs. Every time I see it, I wonder, how did they get a film company to allow this as promotion? In the end, the most genius of all trailers tells you nothing of the movie and makes you want to see it. People need to learn from this. Genius is never really rewarded and in the end, the Minus Man’s trailer was exactly and purely genius.

Don't believe me... check it out

Coming Soon: Trailers Near You

When I was at dinner tonight, en route to a movie afterwards, I was told that I get really upset if I miss the trailers (or Coming Attractions). I do so I really didn’t have much of an argument.   I simply said “I like to see what is coming soon.” Yet it is more than that. I love the moment when I sit down and get comfortable and the screen lights up and gives me a sneak peek of what’s to come. After that, I can say “Yes!” or “Hell no!” or anything in between. It is a time to see a movie still in infancy and see what they have to offer.

The movie trailer is the production company’s first chance to lure me in or keep me away. Sure many things go into the decision of whether I want to see a movie or not but in the end, if that trailer is garbage, you are not gonna get me to fork over my hard earned (or lightly earned) dollars. If the movie is for a teenage girl (Twilight, Princess Diaries, or any R-Patz infused teeny bopper drama), a well crafted and interesting trailer can make even an old man like me want to see it. 

Many things enter into the decision to make a good trailer. First, does it tell a story? Not the entire story but it gives me the idea of what the movie is about. Second, does it only contain the best scenes of the movie? If you have cut together all the scenes in the movie that make the movie worth watching, then do you really have a movie worth watching? It seems to me like you have a 2-5 minute movie at best. Finally, tell me what your story has that I want to see. If you make a trailer that flashes epileptic flashing lights at me and add a fart joke, I will simply not tune in. Make an effort, even if you have a movie for kids, to market something for me or I don’t know, a parent? Here are some breakdowns of some coming soons that I’ve seen recently. Some work and some just leave me with a blank look on my face and some just make me turn my head to my movie mates and say “I don’t think so.”

Abduction

Here is a movie that had me with it’s intial hook. Taylor Lautner stars as a kid who has always felt out of place. He’s interested in a girl who seems to like him. Then he sees a computer aged photo of an abducted child which looks exactly like him. I am in. The idea that a child is living in a house, unaware that the people that have raised him, are not his actual parents. This is a story I want to see. Then the movie loses me. All of a sudden Lautner goes from innocent kidnap victim to James Bond in the body of a teenage wolf. He’s kicking people, blowing up houses and destroying secret agents plans. Makes me wonder if the story was originally about a teen who found out his parents were kidnappers and the movie company says “We can get the wolf from Twilight, let’s amp up the action!” Abduction works for half of the trailer and then blows up... literally.

Rise of the Planet of The Apes

This movie only has a teaser trailer but even from that you can see what the story is. The Planet of The Apes told the story of a astronaut who travelled through time and ended up on Earth many thousands of years from when he started and found out that we were taken over by Apes. This movie is the story of how the apes became intelligent. From the opening with James Franco telling us about a drug that can restore brain function then leading to a all out revolt of the Ape test subjects. It is our own worst nightmare. The animals we test our products on, destroy us. A little message about animal testing perhaps? I don’t know but from the one minute of trailer I saw, I am already lined up for this one.

Fast Five

I don’t think you can see a movie in the theater without seeing this trailer about thieves in fast cars being chased by the Rock and all their ladies wearing tight small bikinis that make your pants go “Hello!” Yes the movie is an eye catching action smorgasborg of sex, violence and cool car chases. Not to mention and improbable leap off of a car flying probably a thousand feet into a ravine. I will see Fast Five but sadly the only reason I will is because I have seen the first Fast 4 movies in the franchise. That and the ladies make my pants say “Hello!” Quick question: Is Vin Diesel still a relevant action star? Yes? O.K. Just checking. 

Daydream Nation

This is a movie I haven’t even heard of. I was briefly wondering if this is a straight to DVD movie that slipped past and will soon be on Instant Watch and streaming directly to me. Instead I was surprised to find out that it stars the young talented Kat Dennings and was about her senior year of high school after movie from the city to the town from Footloose or a close faximile. Does it have sex, drama, comedy and goodness? Hell yes. Does it tell me a story that makes me say “Yes, I will see that.”? Yes it does. It is a good and informative trailer.

HALL OF FAME TRAILER: The Minus Man

  I’ve only once come across a movie trailer that made my mouth drop open and say “I NEED to see that movie!” The Minus Man is not a great movie. It stars Owen Wilson as a serial killer. None of that is in the trailer. It opens on a couple coming out of the theater in which The Minus Man is playing. They talk and roam about New York, discussing what they loved or what they didn’t understand. Suddenly the guy points to the horizon and says “Look at that!” The sun is rising, they’ve discussed the movie all night. The girl looks at her watch and takes off at a sprint towards something. She slams through a door and starts ripping her clothes off and dashes through another door where two senior citizens float face down in a pool. She is now wearing a red lifeguard uniform and is holding a Hasselhoff red floatation device. The movie was so good, people died. 

This trailer told me a story. It wasn’t about the movie but it was a story about the movie. It told me that people would get so worked up in the story, that you could forget even the most serious of jobs. Every time I see it, I wonder, how did they get a film company to allow this as promotion? In the end, the most genius of all trailers tells you nothing of the movie and makes you want to see it. People need to learn from this. Genius is never really rewarded and in the end, the Minus Man’s trailer was exactly and purely genius.

Don't believe me? Check it out here.

http://youtu.be/0MG6cZvL0NQ

When I First "Scream"ed

        When I first saw Scream I had two thoughts. The first was that I was seeing a new kind of horror movie and a revitalization of a genre I loved. No longer would horror movies have to hide in the more politically correct term “thriller”. I swear if I heard one more movie where a guy with a knife terrorizes a family referred to as a thriller I was gonna take up a knife and create a little “thriller” of my own. Just kidding, psychotic thoughts only flow out of this head. It’s the ones who let these things stay inside and fester you have to watch out for. The story of young Sidney Presscott (Neve Campbell) was most known for the opening scene death of Drew Barrymore. What captured me was the story that followed it where fans of horror movies both dissect the deaths that begin following them around and give the viewers the rules to surviving a horror movie. Then they break all the rules. Neve Campbell is stalked throughout, escaping (a talent of hers) barely but losing most everyone she cares about in the process. Rose McGowan's Cleavage, I mean Tatum, is a strong character who still falls to ghostface. Neve's boyfriend Billy (played like a wooden boy by Johnny Depp wanna be, Skeet Ulrich) trying to convince Sidney to become a little more rated R than PG-13. The genius Matthew Lillard playing the mildly inappropriate Stu who thinks with all the dead bodies popping up makes for a great time to party. Jamie Kennedy as Randy, the rule giver who is the only virgin in the history of film that is happy to be one.  Courtney Cox as tabloid newscaster Gale Weathers, trying to get the story and not get killed. David Arquette as Deputy Dewey, the bumbling deputy who has no clue whodunit. The cast and script made this film and made it a smart sexy horror movie for my generation. Which leads to my second thought which was “They stole my idea!” I had longed for a movie like Scream and had just enrolled in a screenwriting class to attempt to write it. Now 14 years later, I am not a successful screenwriter nor of the 5-6 scripts I have written, I have never attempted a horror movie script. My story, as it were, had already been told.

When Scream 2 came out, I enjoyed it and loved that the fat kid from Stand By Me was axed in the penultimate scene. Neve Campbell and all the necessary characters were back. Deputy Dewey (now on medical leave with a horrible limp) was stabbed again, survived again and by the third movie, no longer limped. Randy was back to explain the rules for the sequel and no longer a virgin so he’s gots to go. The aforementioned Jerry O’Connell was there as Neve’s love interest/possible killer and Sarah Michelle Gellar (at the height of Buffy fame) was a pretty sorority girl who pretty much deserves what she gets. Sidney does her best to stay ahead of the killer, just long enough to avoid being stabbed. And there was a movie within the movie! The self aware horror movie makes fun of itself and this franchise is no different. By the end of the film, you could see a little rust but Ghostface’s knife was still shining brightly.

Scream 3 was by far the worst of the franchise. Coincidentally it is the only film of the original trilogy that was not written by Kevin Williamson. Is that why it was not as fresh? I think Ehren Kruger did a fine job with a story that was a little bit off in and of itself. Sidney Prescott was a crisis hotline worker, attempting to hide from the world and hope that nothing happened. Gale (Cox) was trying to resurrect her career and Dewey was working as a consultant and security officer on the latest Stab movie (the franchise within the franchise). The movie had a flawed premise, a ludicrous cameo from Jamie Kennedy via VHS and the lamest twist killer ever.  Apparently the rust that had started on Scream 2 had spread and this movie was creeping to the finish line. It was time for a break. I just wish it hadn’t been for 10 years but when I first learned that Scream 4 was in the works, my heart and inner ghostface smiled so brightly it looked as though I was screaming. 

Scream 4 does get back to the fun of the original. No longer is it a fresh idea so they take the idea and change it to fit the idea of a town 10 years removed from a serial killer’s knife. What had once terrorized now empowers the kids of the New Woodsboro. When the movie starts, Sidney is returning to the town that bore her to promote a book she’d written on being the victim of a killer(s). Deputy Dewey is now Sheriff Dewey and Gale Weathers is now his bride, bored in her small town existence. When the killings start you can see the gleam in her eye and her desire to regain the control of her life that marriage and time have taken on her. A new batch of disposable victim teens is introduced to give Ghostface some fun as he leads the story to it’s conclusion. 

What Scream 4 does well is recapture the imagination and genius of the original. It sets off new ideas for the future and points the finger squarely at our instant on world. Why would the killer allow someone to make a movie about them when they could make it themselves? Youtube is made for a serial killer’s manifesto of blood. Kevin Williamson came in and created a new horror movie for a new generation. In the end of the movie, I was left with a smile that almost looked like a Scream. 

Mr. Unhappy Sez: When the phone rings and a man asks you what your favorite scary movie is? Some of you, ten years from now, may say Scream 4.

The Screamin Fun Golden Unhappy Awards

Hayden Panitierre - Best Cleavage of The New Cast
but
  Worst Haircut of The New Cast

Rory Culkin - Best “that guy looks like the dude from Home Alone”
        Second Worst Haircut (or lack thereof) of The New Cast

Emma Roberts - Fresh Ingenue Award of The New Cast
            Sidney Prescott Jr. Award
              

Quotes

Ghostface - What’s your favorite scary movie?

A Grimm Fairy Tale - Hanna

When I was watching the movie Hanna, I kept wondering if this movie was attempting to recreate a specific Grimm fairy tale. It was only after that I realized that it was creating a new one that encompassed them all. It opens in a frozen white forest where the young Hanna is stalking a reindeer with her bow. The well trained Hanna makes no noise and seems to disappear into the woods. It is only after her kill that her father appears claiming “You’re dead.” The brief action sequence sets up who the main character is in a quick 5 minute sequence. Hanna is a lethal force.

      She is living in isolation with her father Erik (played by Eric Bana) who has trained her every day of her life with the singular task of killing Marissa Wiegler. She is curious of the world outside and Erik attempts to teach her of it but seems unable to tell her what it is to feel music or the simple pleasure of a kiss. There relationship is categorized as father and daughter but that is as close to the relationship as it becomes. Even when she reaches out for comfort, Erik and Hanna hug as though no feelings exist between them. In time (meaning as the movie begins because the snowy wilderness is a great place to visit but a whole movie there would be like being slapped in the sack with a bag of ho-ho’s... fun but not really), as is true with every parent, he must let his daughter go and experience the world.

     Thus begins the journey of Hanna in the world, going on a journey to be reunited with her father in Germany at the home of Grimm himself. Throughout she is hunted by Wiegler’s evil stepmother and the three wolves. I enjoy the scenes of Hanna with a vacationing British family, meeting new friends and attempting to protect them from the danger she’s in. Her tentative first moves with a boy who wants to kiss her and her awkward verbal diarrhea in her nervousness. Hanna touches everyone she meets and scarily enough they all want to protect her. As if she’d need it. When Marissa finally comes face to face with her, you almost see her need to protect her too... just in a more permanent less lively way. 

        I’d love to write a long explanation of why you should see this movie because you should. I’d love to tell you all the details of the story and show you why this movie is worth the $10.25 a ticket (at least here) costs you because this movie is worth it. I could praise the action (smart, deadly and dangerous) or the cinematography (sparse at times, lush at others and beautiful regardless). It is worthy of all the praise it gets. So when all is said, as only I can say it, Mr. Unhappy Sez: Hanna, while being both dark and disturbing, has a story to tell and you, as a moviegoer, have an obligation to listen to it, see it, and ultimately enjoy the ride. Hanna sez so and I wouldn’t f*ck with her, she’s crazy.

The Untimely and grossly overrated Golden Unhappy Awards

Saoirse Ronan - The Hit-Girl award for badassness from a teenage girl
                       The Lil Miss Innocent Award

Cate Blanchett - Best Evil Stepmother Award

Eric Bana - Most Useful Dad Taught Skillz Award

Up Next:

Special Late Night Screening

Scream 4

So Yeah...I'm Late...

I am late I know. Sometimes when life kicks you in the nuts you just don't have the ability to stand up and write your blog.  Anyway, to get on with the important matters on hand. I owe you kids a Quick Hits blog. This week I am again back on the Instant Watch trying to warn you away from some horrible movies and recommend some more. So, let's stop procrastinating...we are late enough.

4 Movies to Avoid on Netflix Instant Watch

GI Joe The Rise of Cobra

Ahhh memories. I remember many mornings sitting with a warm cup of hot chocolate and watching the Joes go up against the sinister and raspy foes of Cobra The Enemy. No matter what, no matter what happened the Joes would be there to save the day. This movie was supposed to recapture the imagination of that child in me, much in the same way the new Karate Kid did, and then the action started and I was confused. Was this a movie about the same cartoon show I watched. There wasn’t even a Cobra Commander and what the hell Destro has a normal face! Some of the Joes were even admirable attempts at recreating the characters of my youth and yet they tried to make it a straight forward army story. There were no lasers shooting a tank 500 times and then allowing all the soldiers to get away before it explodes. There were bodies all over the place. This is not a GI Joe movie, it is a poorly made Black Hawk Down. And now you know... and knowing is half the battle. GI JOE!

Mr. Unhappy Sez: Go Joe! No thank you sir. 

The Stepfather

A remake of an 80’s classic starring Lost’s Terry O’Quinn recasts the role of the stepfather in question with the affable but underwhelming Dylan Walsh from Nip/Tuck. Penn Badgely plays the role of trouble making son who returns home from boarding school to find a new man living in his house, raising his little brother and eyeing his girlfriend. Needless to say there is friction. He fights his instincts and attempts to allow the new daddy to stick around but a number of things seem to go wrong. The old lady across the way dies, his biological dad seems to disappear, and he creeps out the girlfriend. There is a Oedipal complex somewhere in here and it all ends with a fight for mom and bro. The original made you feel like the family was in jeopardy at the hands of the maniac hidden in a guise of a family man. This movie feels neutered and well slightly boring. If you want a good movie just like this one see O’Quinn’s Stepfather. John Locke does crazy much better than Sean McNamara.

Mr. Unhappy Sez: Like a bat out of hell, this movie makes you wish you had stayed home or in this case gone to a different movie about a scary dad.

Management

I usually love a good romantic comedy where a loser guy meets the woman of his dreams and through his crazy antics makes the girl fall in love with him. Here is the problem with this movie. I don’t understand why she would fall in love with him. A guy working at a motel checks in and then somewhat stalks Jennifer Anniston and they somehow end up having sex. She leaves (as people are apt to do at Motels) and he follows her. Across the country and takes up residence to win the heart of his lady love. Again, semi stalker behavior and yet she does not press charges. She tries to break it off with him in the nicest way possible but the guy just keeps coming. At some point, this stops being amusing and starts getting creepy. In the end, it all works out in the magical way of romantic comedies. The only problem is that in this one, it seems more like a woman giving in to her stalker.

Mr. Unhappy sez: Every where you go, I’ll be creeping you right the f*ck out. Seriously.

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie

Again there is a piece of my childhood, collecting cards that were outlawed by our school. Snotty Scottie, Toe Jam Sam, Glandular Angela and the rest of them. They were disgusting which of course made them totally cool. I was not even aware that they had made a movie out of the kids and so when it popped up like a zit on Brit the Zit’s face on the Instant Watch I couldn’t resist. Boy howdy do I wish I did. The movie attempts to be cute in the way Cabbage Patch Kids were and create characters so disgusting but lovable and leaves us with disgusting and not very lovable. There is some semblance of a story but in the end it is all about the midgets in  masks looking like life-size creepy kids. For the first time and most probably last time, I do not endorse the use of little people in this movie.

Mr. Unhappy Sez: I don’t have words for how bad this movie was.

And Now Three Movies you be clicking on as you read... 

Very Bad Things

Piven (entourage) is the brother of Stern who is so scared he’ll be caught that he is a nervous wreck. The Zach Galifianakis of this group is Leland Orser who is just as nervous but handling it well. Jon Favreau and Cameron Diaz are the groom and Bridezilla of the movie who just want to marry and start their lives. As the title says, very bad things happen. It is by far the craziest movie storyline I’ve ever seen and I enjoyed the hilarity and dark humor. A genius movie, a genius cast, and a dead stripper. I know what you are thinking and you are right. This movie does have it all.

Mr. Unhappy Sez: This movie is The Hangover with a bunch of dead people. If that’s not awesome, I don’t know what is.

One Crazy Summer

When John Cusak was a young man, he made a number of movies that in the 80’s were actually really good and of course really overlooked. Better Off Dead is arguably the better of the movies but One Crazy Summer stands out as well. The story of a kid named Hoops who can’t make a shot, and goes to spend his graduation summer on the island of Nantucket with his best friend’s eccentric grandma. A young Demi Moore shows up as a love interest for Hoops and a rocker. Yes, boys and girls, Demi Moore can sing or lip sync. There is even cartoons for the kids about happy fuzzy bunnies! It’s a movie that deserves to be recognized for what it has done for society. It has proved definitively that if you make a face and someone slaps you on the back hard enough, your face will stick that way. Oh yeah and good triumphs over evil and cupid fights the happy fuzzy bunnies for the poor kid’s heart. 

Mr. Unhappy Sez: If you want a good old fashioned love story with cartoons then One Crazy Summer gives you One Crazy good time. Oh yeah and rabies infected dolphin.

Brick

I’ve been intrigued with the film noir genre for years and yet a movie never spoke to me. I always wanted to read a Dashiell Hammett novel but never was quite brave enough to do it. Then here comes Brick. I’ve often wondered what it is like when you take one type of movie and combine it with another type. Brick is one of those movies. It stars Joseph Gordon Levitt as Brendan who is in love with the murdered Emily. He begins a journey to first help her and then to avenge her all while trying to figure out why she is dead and who killed her. There is a femme fatale, a kingpin, a wise sidekick who has all the info. The movie speaks like the Maltese Falcon and the kids are a kind of hard boiled Dawson’s Creek, wise beyond their years but still just stupid kids. I could attempt to explain the story but it is not the reason to watch the movie. The reason to watch is the performances, the story and the old style with a new twist.

Mr. Unhappy Sez: "Throw one at me if you want, hash head. I've got all five senses and I slept last night, that puts me six up on the lot of you." I couldn’t have said it better myself Brendan.

Up Next:

Hanna

Insidious is...

Insidious

The commercials for “Insidious” pose the question “Insidious is?” It is a great question because about 2 days after I saw it, I still wonder what it was I just saw. Made by the creators of “Saw” and produced by the director of the great “Paranormal Activity” I can see the love of horror movies James Wan, Leigh Whannel and Oren Peli have. It harkens back to the 1970’s when the idea of a psychedelic and psychological thriller merged to create horror movies so effective and scary that they reduced the audience to tears or caused people to run from the theater in fear. I can see this movie working in the time when Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Suspiria.

It starts innocently enough with a family waking up to start their day unpacking in their new home. Renai (Rose Byrne) idly looks through a photo album and her young son Dalton comes and they look through it together. They mention the fact that father Josh (Patrick Wilson) seems to not have any pictures of himself as a child. That small detail is put away for later and as a viewer it can be easily overlooked. Soon the day’s activities take over and Renai is left alone. What makes this movie effective is that even in times of calm for the family, we as viewers are scared for what is to come. It creates an atmosphere of fear. Normal family activity is tense and you cannot see what is around the corner.

Soon after this Dalton falls while in the attic and when he doesn’t wake in the morning, you wonder what happened in the attic. Was he attacked? Did he fall and hit his head? We don’t know and in fact the doctors cannot find one reason why this happened. He is just not there. The family home becomes a prison that Josh wants to avoid and Renai cannot escape. If you ever wanted to know how to put a feeding tube in your 8 year old son, this movie will show you. As ghosts terrify Renai, Josh and the audience is left to wonder if Renai is going insane. 

It is eventually confirmed that the family is indeed being haunted by ghosts and demons who all want to use Dalton to return to earth. I was reminded of the horror I felt at the twins in Kubrick’s The Shining when a pair of twins show up with the widest of grins on their faces and the small child dancing happily through the house to Tiny Tim’s “Tiptoe through the Tulips”. I love it when a movie can take what seems to be an innocuous song and create a mood in a movie with it. In Insidious, the mood is “This is creeping me right the f*ck out!”

I love horror movies for the emotions they bring out in me. Sometimes it is laughter. Sometimes it is fear and in times when I can stand it, it is pure and unadulterated horror. I know that some of you will tell me that horror is the same thing as fear. I’m talking about moments when I feel like the girl in the ring, sitting in her closet. Insidious brought out the horror in horror movies. As a PG-13 movie, I wonder if I would like my 13 year old son or daughter seeing this movie. I’m not someone who wants to shelter any kids I have but I think a movie like this can wait until they can drive. 

Insidious is... an effective and scary horror movie. Insidious is... a movie so scary that my friend Katy who likes to laugh at me when I turn to her and say “I’m escared” simply nodded in agreement and pressed herself further into her seat. Insidious is... something that brings you back to the days when horror movies intended to horrify you. Insidious is... the best horror movie I’ve seen in a long time. You simply need to know that this movie stays with you and infects your mind. Gotta love that. 

Mr. Unhappy Sez: The family unit is only as strong as the coma patient who brings the demons to your house.

Some other films which give you that creeped the hell out feeling.

The Ring

The Ring is one of those movies that comes along and you don’t think much of and then you sit back to enjoy the cheesiness of a “horror” movie and then you end up scared out of your mind for the rest of the night. I’ve never wanted to watch a underground video since. The movie is about a woman who comes across a story about a videotape (damn it doesn’t seem like it was that long ago but videotape...yeeesh) that when you watch it begins the clock on your death. Seven days later you die. The brilliance of the ring is the backstory and again the vibe it creates in the viewer. You are scared to believe in the tape but are not entirely convinced that your number is up in seven days. It invades your mind. When the little girl crawls through a TV, you better believe you jump.

Mr. Unhappy sez: Come on, watch the tape. What’s the worst that can happen.

Last House on The Left

This movie falls into a category of a movie that moves and frightens you because of how real it seems to be. A man takes his wife and teenage daughter to their lake house and lets his daughter go to town to visit a friend. All seems like it is fine. The friend and daughter smoke pot with a guy they meet and then the movie’s tone changes. She is raped, beaten and left for dead and her friend is killed outright. Unfortunately the killers car is disabled and they need to find a friendly home to call for a tow. They happen to stumble across the daughter’s parents lake house. Bad news for them. This movie is a revenge tale about a father who gets his hand on the people that raped and nearly killed his daughter. It is a parent of a murdered teens wet dream. You don’t need to like it but it certainly messes with your mind. There are two versions of this movie. One created by a young Wes Craven  and a more modern retelling. While you can always see the new version, the old version seems raw and tends to stick with you more. I've seen them both and  can say that the new and old version both tell the same story in a different way. Both are disturbing and sometimes hard to watch but both scratch that nerve that makes you tingle.

Mr. Unhappy sez:  A man will protect his family and if you intend to injure or harm someone make sure you know where the family lives.

The Blair Witch Project

I remember when this movie came out that I went to see it before I had to work one day. I brought my uniform with me and by the end of the movie I was kneading my work shirt in my hands and could barely concentrate on work that night. The movie has been lampooned and beaten up as of late but I will still stand by my original thought. This is one scary ass movie. It involves 3 college students filming a movie on the Blair Witch. The first of the “found footage” films, the crew soon becomes stranded in the black forest hills and cannot find there way back. They are harassed by someone or something and keep finding cryptic clues that the stories they are investigating are true. Insanity and desperation bleed from the screen. When Heather sits with her face filling the screen and cries her apology to whoever finds this, you feel both her helplessness and her weariness at the prospect of spending one more night in the woods. The end comes fast and gives you no answers. In the end, you just sit there and wonder “Why was Mike standing in the corner?”

Mr. Unhappy Sez: There is a simple reason Mr. Unhappy doesn’t go wandering in secluded and vast woods and this movie is that reason.

Quick Hits: Movies on Instant Watch That Should Be Instantly Watched

      I remember getting Netflix and thinking that it would be a great way to save money. Movies, delivered right to my door all for a small reasonable monthly fee. Genius. Well I was right and then when Netflix Instant Watch came out, I was flabbergasted that I could stream movies from Netflix in the privacy of my own home. Movies that I wanted to see, movies that I wanted to see but was embarrassed to put on my queue, or a movie I could watch anytime the unthinkable happened and there was nothing on TV to watch. It was insane. The problem was that I had to wander through miles of crappy, not worth the streaming price of free movies. I would have enjoyed someone telling me which ones were worthwhile. Here are just a few of the ones I’ve picked for you.

Documentary

Paul McCartney Really Is Dead: 

The Last Testament of George Harrison

      I’ve never been much of a Beatles fan but I always respected their talent and ability to capture the hearts of the millions and millions of their fans. Something always seemed a bit off though and it is here that the “documentary” begins to unfold it’s case. At the height of Beatlemania in 1966, Paul McCartney died in a car crash. Fearing worldwide mass suicides MI-5 launched a search for and then through plastic surgery and musical lessons created a new Paul. Thus was born Faul or Fake Paul. The movie claims to have received audio cassettes recorded after George Harrison’s stabbing at the hands of an intruder. The movie is a great way to see the history of Beatles albums and their cover art which all contain clues that show conclusively that Paul is dead. What the movie does best is create a feeling of paranoia and general creepiness that pervades you.  I half expected to see agents following me and Faul to arrive to kill me for watching the movie. While the entire movie is seemingly stuck in the insanity of the premise, it is fun to watch and wonder. Who knows maybe Paul really is dead and if so who the hell wrote Hey Jude for him?

Mr. Unhappy Sez: Never mind the bollocks, and ignore the nagging bits of doubt, this is a good show.

Eyes of the Mothman

      A few years ago, I saw a movie called The Mothman Prophecies that was “based on a true story”. This documentary explores the real happenings in the small West Virginia town of Point Pleasant.    From November 1966 (bad year McCartney dies, creepy mothman) to December 1967 in an abandoned part of town but popular teenage loving spot, a strange man with wings and awful red eyes has terrorized people, stealing pets and chasing people in cars. The film also brings up the rise in UFO sightings and then sightings of the mysterious Men in Black (and we aren’t talking Will Smith).   The only downside to the movie is that in telling all these stories they repeat information and with the bloated running time of two and a half hours we don’t need repeat info or the entire Chief Cornstalk prologue. Still the movie is interesting and can create a sense of creepiness that I look for in my documentaries. Forget useful information or a movie that raises a good social issue. I want serial killers and creepy mothmen!

Mr. Unhappy Sez:  I once met the mothman, he said that in 20 years some people will die. I said “A lot of people?” He said “A few.” I said “I don’t care.” He stole my pen and ran away laughing.

Horror

Jason X

      This movie can also be known as the Jason in space movie. A group of futuristic space students come across a cryogenically frozen Jason and what would be one of his victims. They save the girl and Jason is presumed dead. I think we all know what happens after that. The greatness of this movie is not the improbable plot or the invention of Uber Jason but the understanding that everyone involved knows that this is not a movie to be taken seriously. The deaths are interesting, sometimes silly and there is a lot of people who obviously don’t know what to do when a guy with a machete fixation comes back to life on their spaceship. What do space marines do with a superkiller like Jason? They die. When it comes to killing people, Jason is a master of his craft. Especially for a mentally challenged man.

Mr. Unhappy Sez: When a man with a machete is frozen in time, it makes sense to leave him where he is but it is far more entertaining to thaw him out and insult his manhood.

The Alphabet Killer

      I saw this movie awhile back and I put it on my instant queue and immediately began ignoring it. I think it mostly had to do with Eliza Dushku. Say what you will about Faith from Buffy but she can play the best crazy person in the world. It begins with a little girl’s death and Detective Megan Paige (Eliza)is assigned to it. She begins to obsess over the killer and loses her mind and attempts to kill herself but it saved by Cary Elwes (her fiance and Captain)but sent to the looney bin. From there the killer who rapes and kills children who have the same letter for their first and last name (think like Claire Callow), seems to go into hibernation. When another body is found just as Megan Paige returns to desk duty at the station, the process begins again. The movie is a study in both a talented profiler and an insane woman slowly losing her grip on reality. She is haunted by these girls, she needs to help them, stop the killer or else lose her mind again. It is an interesting and unsettling experience for the viewer. I’d say don’t watch it alone.

Mr. Unhappy Sez: A child’s death may lead the way but it’s Eliza’s story that makes you stay.

Romantic Comedy

When In Rome

I’ve heard both good and bad things about this romantic comedy.  The story of a woman, Beth (Kristen Bell from Veronica Mars) who goes to her sister’s wedding and steals coins from a fountain that promises that you’ll find your true love and unwittingly causes those whose coins she took to fall in love with her. The different things these men do to get Beth to notice them is funny and oddly smarmy. The only one of them who seems to truly care is Josh Duhamel’s Nicholas Beamon. He does everything he can to earn her love and in true romantic comedy fashion, he succeeds but is it fair for her to use the power she has stolen from the fountain to make the man love her. The only problem I see is how is it that Kristen Bell has any trouble meeting men? 

Mr. Unhappy Sez:  I’ve never been to Italy but I am pretty sure they frown on people running through their fountains. I’m also pretty sure it is hilarious to see it happen.

Punch Drunk Love

There is almost a 50/50 split on this movie from Paul Thomas Anderson who created Magnolia (another 50/50 split movie). You either get this movie or you don’t. You either love it or you hate it. I love it. The story of Barry Egan (Adam Sandler), a repressed man who cannot speak the things he feels, finds love and joy and with that becomes a man. You can’t really quantify this movie as a romantic comedy but I’d say it is. The scene where Barry calls a phone sex line just to talk to someone and then has to call back when they continue charging him is a classic. When he finds a harmonium abandoned in the street, his paranoid thought that someone is punking him is something that made me laugh. The true greatness of the movie is the love Barry and Lena (Emily Watson) find. It is a story about love and the lengths you go to when you want to be with someone. Not to mention it uses a song from Popeye the live action musical (with Robin Williams) as a love ballad. Brilliant. 

Mr. Unhappy Sez: I am what I am and what I am is a sucker for Paul Thomas Anderson movies.

The Always Quick Hitting Mr. Unhappy Awards

Faul McCartney - The Creeping Me Right the F*ck Out Award

Tim and John Frick - The Mothman Nerds Award

Jason Vorhees - Best Upgrade to a Stale Franchise Award

Eliza Dushku - The “Halle Berry in Monter’s Ball” Award for nudity without fun.

Kate Micucci - Best Assistant to the Main Character

Adam Sandler - Most Innocent Use of Phone Sex in a Movie Award