I remember getting Netflix and thinking that it would be a great way to save money. Movies, delivered right to my door all for a small reasonable monthly fee. Genius. Well I was right and then when Netflix Instant Watch came out, I was flabbergasted that I could stream movies from Netflix in the privacy of my own home. Movies that I wanted to see, movies that I wanted to see but was embarrassed to put on my queue, or a movie I could watch anytime the unthinkable happened and there was nothing on TV to watch. It was insane. The problem was that I had to wander through miles of crappy, not worth the streaming price of free movies. I would have enjoyed someone telling me which ones were worthwhile. Here are just a few of the ones I’ve picked for you.
Documentary
Paul McCartney Really Is Dead:
The Last Testament of George Harrison
I’ve never been much of a Beatles fan but I always respected their talent and ability to capture the hearts of the millions and millions of their fans. Something always seemed a bit off though and it is here that the “documentary” begins to unfold it’s case. At the height of Beatlemania in 1966, Paul McCartney died in a car crash. Fearing worldwide mass suicides MI-5 launched a search for and then through plastic surgery and musical lessons created a new Paul. Thus was born Faul or Fake Paul. The movie claims to have received audio cassettes recorded after George Harrison’s stabbing at the hands of an intruder. The movie is a great way to see the history of Beatles albums and their cover art which all contain clues that show conclusively that Paul is dead. What the movie does best is create a feeling of paranoia and general creepiness that pervades you. I half expected to see agents following me and Faul to arrive to kill me for watching the movie. While the entire movie is seemingly stuck in the insanity of the premise, it is fun to watch and wonder. Who knows maybe Paul really is dead and if so who the hell wrote Hey Jude for him?
Mr. Unhappy Sez: Never mind the bollocks, and ignore the nagging bits of doubt, this is a good show.
Eyes of the Mothman
A few years ago, I saw a movie called The Mothman Prophecies that was “based on a true story”. This documentary explores the real happenings in the small West Virginia town of Point Pleasant. From November 1966 (bad year McCartney dies, creepy mothman) to December 1967 in an abandoned part of town but popular teenage loving spot, a strange man with wings and awful red eyes has terrorized people, stealing pets and chasing people in cars. The film also brings up the rise in UFO sightings and then sightings of the mysterious Men in Black (and we aren’t talking Will Smith). The only downside to the movie is that in telling all these stories they repeat information and with the bloated running time of two and a half hours we don’t need repeat info or the entire Chief Cornstalk prologue. Still the movie is interesting and can create a sense of creepiness that I look for in my documentaries. Forget useful information or a movie that raises a good social issue. I want serial killers and creepy mothmen!
Mr. Unhappy Sez: I once met the mothman, he said that in 20 years some people will die. I said “A lot of people?” He said “A few.” I said “I don’t care.” He stole my pen and ran away laughing.
Horror
Jason X
This movie can also be known as the Jason in space movie. A group of futuristic space students come across a cryogenically frozen Jason and what would be one of his victims. They save the girl and Jason is presumed dead. I think we all know what happens after that. The greatness of this movie is not the improbable plot or the invention of Uber Jason but the understanding that everyone involved knows that this is not a movie to be taken seriously. The deaths are interesting, sometimes silly and there is a lot of people who obviously don’t know what to do when a guy with a machete fixation comes back to life on their spaceship. What do space marines do with a superkiller like Jason? They die. When it comes to killing people, Jason is a master of his craft. Especially for a mentally challenged man.
Mr. Unhappy Sez: When a man with a machete is frozen in time, it makes sense to leave him where he is but it is far more entertaining to thaw him out and insult his manhood.
The Alphabet Killer
I saw this movie awhile back and I put it on my instant queue and immediately began ignoring it. I think it mostly had to do with Eliza Dushku. Say what you will about Faith from Buffy but she can play the best crazy person in the world. It begins with a little girl’s death and Detective Megan Paige (Eliza)is assigned to it. She begins to obsess over the killer and loses her mind and attempts to kill herself but it saved by Cary Elwes (her fiance and Captain)but sent to the looney bin. From there the killer who rapes and kills children who have the same letter for their first and last name (think like Claire Callow), seems to go into hibernation. When another body is found just as Megan Paige returns to desk duty at the station, the process begins again. The movie is a study in both a talented profiler and an insane woman slowly losing her grip on reality. She is haunted by these girls, she needs to help them, stop the killer or else lose her mind again. It is an interesting and unsettling experience for the viewer. I’d say don’t watch it alone.
Mr. Unhappy Sez: A child’s death may lead the way but it’s Eliza’s story that makes you stay.
Romantic Comedy
When In Rome
I’ve heard both good and bad things about this romantic comedy. The story of a woman, Beth (Kristen Bell from Veronica Mars) who goes to her sister’s wedding and steals coins from a fountain that promises that you’ll find your true love and unwittingly causes those whose coins she took to fall in love with her. The different things these men do to get Beth to notice them is funny and oddly smarmy. The only one of them who seems to truly care is Josh Duhamel’s Nicholas Beamon. He does everything he can to earn her love and in true romantic comedy fashion, he succeeds but is it fair for her to use the power she has stolen from the fountain to make the man love her. The only problem I see is how is it that Kristen Bell has any trouble meeting men?
Mr. Unhappy Sez: I’ve never been to Italy but I am pretty sure they frown on people running through their fountains. I’m also pretty sure it is hilarious to see it happen.
Punch Drunk Love
There is almost a 50/50 split on this movie from Paul Thomas Anderson who created Magnolia (another 50/50 split movie). You either get this movie or you don’t. You either love it or you hate it. I love it. The story of Barry Egan (Adam Sandler), a repressed man who cannot speak the things he feels, finds love and joy and with that becomes a man. You can’t really quantify this movie as a romantic comedy but I’d say it is. The scene where Barry calls a phone sex line just to talk to someone and then has to call back when they continue charging him is a classic. When he finds a harmonium abandoned in the street, his paranoid thought that someone is punking him is something that made me laugh. The true greatness of the movie is the love Barry and Lena (Emily Watson) find. It is a story about love and the lengths you go to when you want to be with someone. Not to mention it uses a song from Popeye the live action musical (with Robin Williams) as a love ballad. Brilliant.
Mr. Unhappy Sez: I am what I am and what I am is a sucker for Paul Thomas Anderson movies.
The Always Quick Hitting Mr. Unhappy Awards
Faul McCartney - The Creeping Me Right the F*ck Out Award
Tim and John Frick - The Mothman Nerds Award
Jason Vorhees - Best Upgrade to a Stale Franchise Award
Eliza Dushku - The “Halle Berry in Monter’s Ball” Award for nudity without fun.
Kate Micucci - Best Assistant to the Main Character
Adam Sandler - Most Innocent Use of Phone Sex in a Movie Award
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