Skyscraper
I am deathly afraid of heights, a condition I’ve had since a
child. I can’t even climb a ladder without my anus contracting a bit and
vertigo giving me a head rush. So, when I see these bullshit daredevils
climbing buildings and hanging themselves off them whilst laughing, I begin to
question millennials and my generation’s parenting skills. Teach your children
a fear of heights. Climbing shit isn’t fun, they may think they are in control
but they aren’t. People have fallen to their deaths and still people run up the
cables on the Golden Gate Bridge and hang off the towers over traffic. But
look! One haaaaaaaaaaaaaand... splat… it’s stupid. Heights…just say no. OK,
rant over. New rant later. I’ve always been good at avoiding heights. No
ladders, Ferris Wheels (never again Teresa), or anything that takes me off the
ground more than I can jump and I’m white as sour cream. So, I can’t really be too mad at anyone but
myself for going to see The Rock jump off a super-crane and nearly having a
panic attack. Can I? Can I blame The Rock? Maybe I can sue…did you hear he made
124 million dollars last year? Time to make that cheddar.
To be fair, Skyscraper is good movie. I had a good time
(panic attack not included) but if you’ve seen Die Hard, you’ve seen this movie.
Only differences are John McClane is The Rock, is named Will Sawyer and only has
one leg. The other, we learn, was blown off in a SWAT intervention gone bad. Saved
by Sarah, Will finds his way again creating a family with played happily by
Neve Campbell. I’m a big fan of hers and this movie doesn’t lessen that. Why is
she not in more? She’s beautiful, can bring box office and can act. Neve’s Sarah
is a good mom and she and Will are happy. No longer in SWAT, Will works as a security
consultant and his work brings Will and the family to The Pearl, a luxury city
located within the tallest skyscraper in the world. All they need is a glowing security
assessment from Will (a favor called in by another SWAT member injured in the
leg blowing off incident) and they will have the insurance necessary to open
their city to the world. Will, Sarah, and kids have an entire floor to
themselves and the run of the building. Will leaves so Daddy can “make that
bacon” … I shit you not this is a sentence that comes from the Rock’s lips. He
could fart better lines. Will is finishing his work at an off-site facility
when he is attacked. Soon, the terrorists have the Pearl burning with Sarah and
the kids stuck inside. Will works his way back the Pearl and to get into the
building leaps from that super-crane I mentioned. Apparently, he made it
because he isn’t a ghost for the rest of the movie. I didn’t know how he did it
though because I was staring at my lap which was suddenly fascinating.
Skyscraper is the type of movie that can thrill you and give
you good heart. It may be nothing new but the story is a good one and not
unenjoyable. The Rock and Neve Campbell have solid chemistry and we can see a
relationship there built on love and trust. Their family is solid and as a
viewer we want to see them survive. We also have little doubt they would. While
unpopular, I would have been amazed and just flabbergasted if the terrorist
(bland one number 5) just chucked one of the kids out of one of the many holes The
Rock blasts in it. The story wouldn’t change much except that the Rock would be
further motivated to kill the Hans Gruber wannabe. At least no one would have
seen that coming. This is simply a paint by numbers action movie. Rock is a
good man, family in danger, Rock does crazy stupid shit that should kill him,
family saved, terrorists dead, Merry Christmas. You’ll be entertained and have
clean shorts if you aren’t a wuss like me. Skyscraper is a competent action
movie. No doubt of that but no new ground being broken here.
Mr. Unhappy sez: Worth
the time and money to see it on the big screen unless for some ungodly reason,
you think you wanna try climbing a skyscraper. Then you just stay at home and
play a board game. You clearly can’t handle adrenaline correctly.
Rant #2
I’ve been noticing a trend in society that gives me pause. I
can understand the motivation and the subject is a serious one. Inclusion. Recently, Scarlett Johansson felt
obligated to pull out of a movie in which she would play a man transitioning to
a woman. Advocates for the transgender community wanted the role to go to a
trans actor/actress. I get the need for inclusion; indeed, I’d demand it from
Hollywood if I could, but making a-list stars back out of roles is not the
correct answer. Movies about transgenders are not mainstream yet. A big budget
movie with a name actor/actress in it opens the door for more mainstream Trans
characters and therefore more work for trans actors. Skyscraper too, came under
fire, for hiring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson instead of an actor missing a leg. We
need inclusion and sadly we’ll have to drag movie producers with us. We just
can’t force it into happening. We need to prove America and the world want to
see this movie. A movie about a trans woman would reach more people with a name
star like Scarlett Johansson and could increase roles for trans actors in
supporting roles. Those actors, just like Ms. Johansson did, could make the
best of their supporting roles and voila. We now have a bankable Trans star who
can lead movies and, most importantly, make money for the studio that will want
to bankroll more inclusive movies. So, I’m not a fan of this trend. It’s not gonna help more Trans or Amputee
actors get roles in big movies. It’s gonna stop them from being made and that
helps no one.
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