New Year’s Cliche
I will be the first to say that a “chick flick” does not immediately turn me off. I like the idea that love is a very real and possible thing even though at present I only half believe that myself. I’d even buy that New Year’s Eve is a day when some of those impossible dreams can come true if only for the conceit of the movie. I want a world where love can be present and give us a chance to find it as though opening a curtain and giving us the chance to walk through it. However New Year’s Eve: Valentine’s Day 2 does not make you believe in love. It mocks you and mocks your belief in love and brings cliches to life and lends credence to people who mock and disparage the entire romantic comedy genre. If this movie doesn’t put the nail in the coffin of the romantic comedy I have a few scripts for you and I guarantee they are better than this pile of cheese.
A great ensemble movie has certain elements. Many characters all in search of something during one magical night when things seem possible. A graduation party (Can’t Hardly Wait), Christmas time in England (Love Actually), Valentine’s Day (um Valentine’s Day) or the beginning of senior year (Dazed and Confused). There is also a problem that keeps all of the characters from accomplishing their goals. This is followed by the accomplishment of all their goals but in ways they did not see coming. The happy ending where everyone kisses and we assume they live happily ever after. There is a certain level of bullshit that one must allow in these types of movies so you have to accept that and let it go as soon as the ticket taker rips your ticket and says “Thanks!”
I was willing to accept that and indeed my friend Teresa leaned over and said “This movie is gonna suck right?” So I had the right level of expectation and still New Year’s Eve fell well below even the bell curve idea of a movie. The stories are all cliched. Abigail Breslin and the chick from Sex and The City (the kind of odd looking one...no not Kim Catrall...no not the red headed one...) are a mother and daughter who are having some teen angsty moments because mom won’t let daughter go to Times Square and let her be groped by teen date rapist #1. Michelle Pfeiffer and Zac Efron are trying to finish all of Michelle’s New Year’s resolutions before midnight for some reason not known. Lea Michele and Ashton Kutcher are neighbors who get stuck in an elevator and learn the true magic of New Year’s Eve to make pretty people kiss. Robert Deniro is a dying man who wants to see one last ball drop. Hilary Swank is the person in charge of the ball dropping. Josh Duhamel just needs to get back to New York to meet his soulmate before midnight. All standard movie cliches but wait there’s more. There are two couples each vying for a cash prize by having the first new year’s baby or maybe you’ll like Jon Bon Jovi as a rock star who did Katherine Heigl wrong but wants her back with the spanish woman from Modern family there to act all crazy and sexy!
I don’t hate this movie but I don’t like it either. It is as though Hollywood has given up trying to come up with ideas and instead just throw a new day up on the title and make some bland generalizations about how you need to trust your heart and it will lead you through any adversity. This is a valuable lesson that has been done better. See Love Actually if you want holiday romance. It is a better movie and well has more heart to it. I appreciate the try Garry Marshall but in the end we need you to just go away and try something new. It’s not that you are not trying...no wait it is that.
Let’s face it just like this movie most New Year’s Eve are ultimately disappointing and you wake up hung over. I’ve had exactly one great New Years and it was last year. And New Year’s had nothing to do with it.
No comments:
Post a Comment